Good for you, 12x28! Hang in there! It sounds like you have been holding your ground. I know how hard that is and I don't even have to see my ex (I moved miles way-- temporarily-- last February).
Our experiences with our PDs have similarities, which I know most of us Nons here have.
I see mine in yours and this "note" is helping me stay strong. Thanks!
So I would like to return the favor.
I, also have the debt, the animals, our only adult daughter will not speak to me, even though she knows he is crazy.
I am frightened that she may have a PD. She puts me in the same category as him now-- controlling, manipulative, crazy-making. She lived the abuse, too.
I feel SO alone at times. And then I go this site and get relief.
I understand for me because I was in this relationship for most of my life, that I will probably be working on healing for the rest.
I am a patient person but when it comes to day-to-day functioning, I can only live it in denial. Which I have been doing forever, and it didn't work, obviously. So what CAN we do to help ourselves?
I think love yourself more than anything else. Give to yourself more than anyone. Praise yourself, honor yourself, respect yourself. Crap, be a narcissist (in a good way).
Secondly, protect yourself. Be brave. Find courage in whatever means possible. I find it through prayer and mindfulness.
We gave our self-power away to these people. Why I do not know. But we must fight for our own lives. Our stuff, remember?
Now it sounds like you are doing these things and I applaud you.
They say it takes time and effort. This group here is running with that and we are doing it together.
much peace and strength to you.