Coping with Personality Disorders > Chosen Relationships
Unravelling?
EmptyInsideUK:
--- Quote from: Greyhound on June 20, 2012, 06:37:25 AM ---When you say you grew up in a country with a clear distinction between right and wrong, I grew up in the UK and I've always been clear about right and wrong. I think it's more to do with the family/values you come from rather than the country?
--- End quote ---
Thanks for your kind message, Greyhound :)
With regards the above quote, the place I grew up is very religious, with a very strong honour and value code. Far more so than the UK. People are highly, extremely respectful over there. Yes my family upbringing has something to do with it, but the overall ethics and moral values have very definitely been shaped by the values of the country as a whole. My h has always had issues with anything that is "the right thing to do" as would be expected of someone with suspected APD .
As for my plans, if I look ahead to the future, I honestly can not see myself staying with him "until death us do part." Too much has happened, too many nights of me crying into the pillow, too much blame (on both sides, I will be honest about that) and there is too much risk of my own achievements and professional status being compromised by his out of control behaviour for me to stay long term. I am saving money now, to be able to make a break later.
Things seem to be a little bit better now that I am away from home for 5 days out of seven ... but a marriage shouldnt be based on being apart.
We hardly even talk anymore ... perhaps thats for the best!
Greyhound:
Am glad to hear your plans as I think you deserve so much better.
Don't get hung up like I did for so long trying to fix something that was not for me to fix.
I've got a much better life now because I walked away.
Best wishes to you.
Lala1120:
EmptyInsideUK - CYA! CYA! CYA! ("Cover Your A**"). Whether or not he is unraveling, trust your gut instinct. Take measures you deem appropriate and necessary to protect yourself and your assets during this time. Do you really want to take the risk of entrusting him with your financial well-being so that he can go off and use familial resources for a "shag pad"?
As far as PDs being a "mental illness," there is serious disagreement in the academic communities as to whether a PD is a mental illness or merely a bad character. Per OOTF guidelines, the sources I cite are as follows: Thomas S. Szasz, Insanity: The Idea and Its Consequences 110 (1987); James Cowles Prichard, Treatise on Insanity and Other Disorders Affecting the Mind, 11 (1837). Granted, Szasz is an outlier in the psychiatric community but makes some valid points nonetheless.
That said, while you may feel inclined to consult your GP, unfortunately there are no treatment options available for those with PDs - and no other co-existing Axis I diagnosis - to date. (my source is as follows: James S. Wulach, Diagnosing the DSM-III Antisocial Personality Disorder, 14 Prof. Psychol.: Res. & Prac. 330, 331 (1983)).
I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. You may not be able to predict what your husband may do but at least you can take steps to protect yourself (and your assets) in the meantime.
:bighug:
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