The Other Sides of Us > An Unsent Letter

the father that wasnt there

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nightwatcher:
Each child grows up with parents in their lives. They hope their parents will help and advise them as they become individuals that can make their own decisions. Yet, father where you there when i needed advice or help in growing up. I remember your odd behavior and learned early on how fast you could turn and become so ugly to another person. Your need to be right on almost everything soon wore on me to the point that asking little things could turn into a battle. I was left to battle my own demons and problems which never seemed to important to you. You and your work had more priority than your own family which you imposed your need to be right and your overbearing need for control.  I have very little positive feelings about you since most things you touched turned into a negative. Seeing your negativity and your behaviors made learn lessons on my own that other children could turn to there fathers for. Did you even want children in your life? I guess you didnt because  you rarely were your interactions fair or understanding. I remember your condensing behavior and words which made me wonder, " Do you even understand what your saying and the effect it has?" I have come to painful terms you will never see the damage you have done to me and others in the family. Seeing other family with there fathers made me wonder, "what is that like?" to have a father that is a least willing to hear you out and be in your life. Being around you is like waiting for a pressure cooker to explode and i choose not to let your behavior influence my life anymore.  You have left  a void in me that i have been left to fight on my own but that never really mattered to you since your behaviors won out most of the time. I look at you and i see a sadness that has messed with my life and all the others you interacted with. I cant even understand if you hold anything important to you since you nothing not even gestures such as gifts for a birthday, or a favor someone did for your means "something". No real positive words only complaining which i have heard all while i was growing up.  I have grown and even if you dont understand or how much it hurts i must say it, " you were not a father." So many knives in my heart and soul and my dreams which i kept private because all you would do is kill them with words of pain.  A son that grew up with a father that never was.

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