The Other Sides of Us > An Unsent Letter

just a letter

(1/1)

wasitme:
You said you would always love me. I wonder when you stopped? You told me you could never leave him for you made vows before god. Did you do the same for me? You promised to protect me and failed epically. I am lost now, on the verge of being poor. My husband and I though make it through the day; and in and out of weeks and through the months, and over the years, we have made it work.
It is getting stressful, and at times I want to curl-up and cry, yet, how can I? Your family never let me be human. It wasn’t even a perfect game, I just wasn’t supposed to feel anything. Grin and bear it, for that is the proper way to go through life. I just wanted your love without having to ask for it. I wonder if you left me to fend for myself because you were jealous?
I’m not doing so good if you were wondering. I am depressed but that is nothing new. Your family saw to that. I am surviving as best I can. Better than I can, I should say. You want to know what is depressing me? Why, you. I am so defeated over your lack of parenting. I have died inside learning that my world was an illusion that you insisted was reality. I am shattered over your lack of caring. With the exception of MJ, not one of you has even tried to contact me, in anyway.
I bet the oldest two are tickled pink that I have left. We wont even get into the extended family. What did I do that you hate me so much? What did I do to be shunned by all of you? I tried to fix it. Off and on. Nothing magnanimous or anything.  Just little things here and there.  Why did you stop loving me?
I talk with others now, about how messed up my childhood was. I wonder sometimes if one of my other siblings is on the board. Then I remember, I was the “only one” with a problem. That’s right, I was abused physically, mentally, and possibly sexually and it is by far easier to blame the person who is being hurt than the person causing the hurt.
I want to cuss you out. I want to scream at you. I want to vent my anger out on you. I want you to have all the hurt and anger that you allowed everyone to dump on me. I want you to suffer. I don’t want you to have a good life. What happiness do you deserve when you allowed so many people to abuse me. I wanted a family. I wanted a happy “big” family. Now, now I have a family.
Why was it so easy for you hate me? Why did you decide I would be the one that no one should like? Why was I so scared to leave? Why could you not stick up for me? Why did I think that this family was worth being a part of? Why, why why why……………………..


….....................…..Why can’t I let go?

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