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Author Topic: Adult children taking advantage & the parents that let them...???  (Read 4717 times)


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I'm curious if there is a name for adult children who take advantage of their aging parents (and of course their Parents are enabling the behavior). It appears the parents are a little afraid of their grown children. It is hard to watch sometimes. It seems to be happening more and more especially with sons. Isn't their any personal pride left with these "grown" men?
Two neighbors of mine have adult sons who have either moved into the main house and the parent moved into the basement suite OR the adult son has moved into a shack in the backyard with his girlfriend and her kid. Both of them work and make good money, they do nothing for their parents or to help out on the property. They use their parents tools, cars, food, etc. one has their aging Mother do their laundry. One son speaks disrespectful toward his Father, like a bully.

It puzzles me. It is so much more than the Peter Pan syndrome. I know one of the Fathers told me his wife spoiled the Son and he was the apple of her eye.
Those are just two instances that are near me. I know of a least several other grown sons and one grown Daughter that are doing the same.
I certainly was raised different than that. Thats probably why it puzzles me and I think the syndrome must have a name, other than mooch. 
??????? Helen


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Re: Adult children taking advantage & the parents that let them...???
« Reply #1 on: March 09, 2012, 09:55:30 AM »
Hi Helen

 Mooch is a pretty good description.

It's my opinion that it's what happens and what is the end result of a life with no established boundaries.

What you describe now would be hard to change to where it gets smooth right after with understanding from the moochers because it's so ingrained now over the years.

It could be done with just a , "You have to leave now" but it would cause quite a rif between that person and the enabler wouldn't it.

This would be like if you let your dog pee on the carpet for the last 10 years and then one day decide to rub their nose in it so they know that means to don't do that anymore.
A person will sometimes devote all his life to the development of one part of his body - the wishbone.

Robert Frost



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Re: Adult children taking advantage & the parents that let them...???
« Reply #2 on: March 09, 2012, 03:24:09 PM »
I think it goes beyond mooching when there is intimidation happening from the adult child toward the parent.
I suppose it is the parents fault that the child has been taught to be this way, he feels entitled and from that has learned to bite the hand that feeds them so to speak.
I think there is a fine line between disrespect and elder abuse. The aging parent feels that they need the child and the child knows it.
Why they feel bullying their parent is acceptable, I have no idea.
It is a disturbing trend.


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Re: Adult children taking advantage & the parents that let them...???
« Reply #3 on: March 09, 2012, 05:23:42 PM »
I see a lot of this stuff...and it sucks. I have called social services to investigate in some instances too...

The line between mooching and elder abuse is often crossed sadly.


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Re: Adult children taking advantage & the parents that let them...???
« Reply #4 on: March 12, 2012, 09:58:09 AM »
this situation exists between my real mom and her parents, and it's something my t and i have discussed  lately.

my grandfather sexually abused my mother, possibly both my uncles and several cousins (by blood) as well as close family friends.  my mother had a child when she was 14, who my grandparents raised as their youngest 'son'.  i was also abused by my grandfather and neither my 'uncle/brother' or my other true uncle will let my grandfather around their kids without direct supervision. 

appearances are everything to my grandparents, especially my grandmother who has an emasculating queen personality.  they have hid many family secrets, bailed my real mother out of every financial mess she's ever gotten herself into, my grandfather got scripts for her to kick her coke habit and got her hooked on painkilllers instead, she's lived with them off and on since i can remember, they  foot the bills for everything for her, yet let my uncle and 'uncle brother' struggle through every imaginable financial woe, always focusing on her-  they only reason to me is because they are afraid to tell my real mom 'no' because she would out them for the abusers they are.  my real mom, being the con artist she is, is working it as much as she can.  her and my uncle and 'uncle brother' had equal shares of the house, etc, but i would bet dimes to dollars she's got it all in her name now.

they enable her because it's easier to go along with her and pretend it's all sunshine and roses as to my grandmother, how they appear in the community is everything and this kind of behavior would remove their status.


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Re: Adult children taking advantage & the parents that let them...???
« Reply #5 on: March 12, 2012, 10:59:49 AM »
Yup, sweep all the problems under the living room rug and come out to the outside world smelling of roses. It's just inside the house that it all looks different. A good definition of dysfunction.


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Re: Adult children taking advantage & the parents that let them...???
« Reply #6 on: April 28, 2012, 01:22:45 AM »
On walking into a local senior citizens club here a huge sign smacks you in the face.

it reads:

Be nice to your children, one day they will choose your rest home. 

Very appropriate for some parents I think