Thank you, Gary and oneflewover for responding to my search! I did go through the toolbox and the glossary, great stuff and within them they do have the 'rules' for dealing with the personality disordered
What I was looking for was a list format I saw early in my experience, it was about 5 items, No.1 was Do Not Engage and no. 2 was basically don't give them access to your emotions/make yourself an easy target.
Maybe it will turn up as I retrace my steps learning about PDs and my Narents, ya never know.