My mother has some sort of personality disorder. With mild paranoia mixed in. But when, at age 85, she became quite ill and had to be in the hospital and nursing home for 6 weeks, she grew into a complete paranoid monster. She was convinced that the nurses were taking turns slapping and hitting her. She would call me up and beg me to call the FBI. She saw puppies in the operating room and bicyclists up and down the hallways. She showed me her bruises (which were from needles for procedures) and told me that a man held her down and twisted her arm and slapped her in the face and screamed at her. She actually hit the nurses!
Then, she turned on me. I made the mistake of telling her that I was seeing a therapist for my own issues, (frankly, mostly about her because she was driving me nuts) and she told my brother that I was crazy and trying to put her in an asylum. She accused me of trying to keep her longer in the hospital. When she got to the nursing home, she had the entire staff notified that they were never, ever to speak with me.
I am the sole source of her care! It was a huge mess. I could nobody to talk to me. It was humiliating to go to the nursing home and be ostracized by the staff. I wanted to strangle her, to be honest. I have never felt so used and abused and ANGRY.
I finally called my estate attorney and got his advice. And I made some hard decisions.
If she EVER and I mean EVER pulls that on me, again, I am declining being her POA. My attorney says that if she doesn't trust me, to let the state take over. I will NEVER let her live with me, and one small aspect of that is that I will not put myself in a position where she could conjure up any type of abuse in her paranoid mind, and notify authorities and put me in harm's way.
My advice, if I have any, is to protect yourself as much as you can. Some people with paranoid parents actually have a "witness" with them at all times when visiting them or dealing with them. Make sure you put in writing anything that they want you to do such as sell their jewelry or pay their bills. If you aren't comfortable handling her money, don't do it. Step down from POA if you aren't comfortable. I have read too many instances where paranoid parents have thrown their children under the bus and some of them call the police, attorneys, doctors on their kids with all sorts of wild accusations.
I would think twice about taking care of her yourself in your own home. Arm yourself by speaking to your OWN doctors, therapists and lawyers and telling them about her personality disorder and making it known to them that you are concerned. This way your concerns are documented and acknowledged. And if her delusional thinking has lapsed into dementia, perhaps HER doctors can help you put her somewhere safe and comfortable.
Good luck with this. I know firsthand how confusing, painful and frightening it is.