"When He’s Married to Mom: How to Help Mother-Enmeshed Men...." by Ph.D. Kenneth

1Brightnight · June 30, 2015, 11:30:19 AM

"When He's Married to Mom: How to Help Mother-Enmeshed Men Open Their Hearts to True Love and Commitment"
by Ph.D. Kenneth M. Adams Ph.D. (Author)

I just came across this book title while looking for another and read the reviews on Amazon. I'm in the processs of ordering the book right now so I haven't read it yet to give my own personal review...just the title alone was enough to peak my interest. According to some of the reviews written, it is a "must have" for anyone who have found themselves in a relationship with controlling MIL (aka me). If you've read it, soo waiting to hear your thoughts!

1Brightnight · July 13, 2015, 05:29:45 PM

Got it! Received it couple of days ago and can't put it down! But, put it down for now I must, there's work to do, and mouths to feed darn it! Soon as I'm finished giving it a thorough read, I'll be back to post my review, so far it is an awesome SPOT on book! Oh the case studies....

1Brightnight · July 19, 2015, 01:31:02 PM

I'm back with my take on this book...ENLIGHTENING, RIVETING and MIND BLOWING are the first thoughts that comes to mind after putting it down! It is a must read for anyone trying to understand the dynamics of a mother enmeshed man (MEM), how it was created, and the huge impact it has on the involved. From the way it's written using easy to understand words, to the actual case studies described within, even the lay person that's just gotten "a clue to somethings not quite right with this relationship of mines", can understand. In part one of the book, it describes the different ways a mother enmeshed man can manifest itself. It can manifest in ways such as: "the womanizer", "the man who won't commit", the cybersex addict", 'the perpetual adolescent" and a bit more. I personally found that my situation is described in the "perpetual adolescent" case study.

Excerpt taken from the book: Some MEM are perpetual adolescents. Their commitment phobia comes out as an aversion to responsibility. This kind of MEM resist making any kind of commitment, even a trivial commitment, like meeting for lunch or a movie. he doesn't want to be 'boxed' in by making promises. 'I'll get there when I get there' is his motto. Another characteristic of the 'perpetual adolescent' MEM, aside from chronic lateness, is his heart isn't is his work. He may be a 'success' in his career, but he's still going through the motion (end quote). Spot on for me! This type of mother enmeshed men, loves things, and objects, and 'toys', rather than the real responsibilities of life, wow! (bold-ed mines).

It also speaks briefly about the disloyalty bind: the constant pull on a MEM by his mother, that serves to keep him enmeshed and prevents him from following his natural desire to get close to his wife/partner/girlfriend. This part in particular really upset me so, like, why would any mother do this to her son? it also touches on narcissistic parenting and the devastating, lasting effects to a child. Let me clarify one thing, as the writers of the book stated; anything written therein, can certainly apply to women/girls, that, certainly a girl can be enmeshed with her mother, but this particular book as the title suggest, was written distinctly for mother enmeshed men. Just wanted to throw that out there.

My suggestion, do yourselves a favor and get this book, ladies and gents alike, as there are practical suggestions on how men can help theirs sons by being a focal part of their everyday lives, which can serve tremendously in helping them to NOT become enmeshed with their mothers. I can go on and on about this book as it is truly the 'bible' of such topic, but before I go, let me add this book was written by a licensed psychologist and internationally recognized expert in treating trauma-induced intimacy disorders. He does not offer a 'quick fix' solution. What he does suggest in the ending of the book rather, is a template so to speak, on questions that should be ask to a therapist when seeking one out. Actually, the entire part two and three of the book is dedicated to: How can you heal? Should I stay or should I go? (And Other Questions Asked by Women Involved by MEM), The healing journey, and much, much more...

Okay, I'm done now.

if you've gotten this far, thank you for reading my review. Below you'll find a link that takes you to Kenneth M. Adams website. http://www.kidsinthehouse.com/expert/parenting-advice-from-kenneth-m-adams-phd

1Brightnight

1Brightnight · August 27, 2015, 04:30:20 PM

I would like to add this here if I may, a podcast of Dr. Ken Adams himself discussing this book. *Note.. Dr. Ken Adams is also the author of, Silently Seduced: When Parents Make Their Children Partners (which according to the reviews, is also a very well written book).

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/yourmentalhealth/2008/06/16/dr-ken-adams-when-hes-married-to-mom

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Simply Alice · August 28, 2015, 01:08:52 PM

I read this book and afterwards felt very very sad because it showed me my relationship with my ex NPD. He was so enmeshed. His mother died quite an old age in May. I knew after she had died something was going to happen. I had a sixth sense. Sure enough he had some sort of crisis and he left me 9 weeks ago. It was as if after his mother died he could revert to someone in their teens even though he is nearly 60!! His mother caused us much harm. The book is a must if your partner is enmeshed.

Pepin · October 11, 2015, 09:19:38 PM

Simply Alice -- your post is what I fear the most. So worried that when mil passes away, that DH is going to crumble and give me the boot. In more and more ways, I see that I am not good enough for him because his mom is #1. I just cannot measure up to her, even though I am completely different from her in my own way. I don't want to be like her. I am me. I am an individual. I am torn up over the fact that DH has allowed her to drive a wedge into our lives. I am running out of ideas for boundaries. As innocent as she seems, her multitude of actions are building up to be highly damaging in the long run. It's been completely unfair to our marriage and mostly to me and our daughters. If karma is truly a real thing, I wish it would strike before she passes so that DH can correct himself.

1Brightnight · October 12, 2015, 10:52:34 PM

Quote from: Pepin on October 11, 2015, 09:19:38 PM
Simply Alice -- your post is what I fear the most. So worried that when mil passes away, that DH is going to crumble and give me the boot. In more and more ways, I see that I am not good enough for him because his mom is #1. I just cannot measure up to her, even though I am completely different from her in my own way. I don't want to be like her. I am me. I am an individual. I am torn up over the fact that DH has allowed her to drive a wedge into our lives. I am running out of ideas for boundaries. As innocent as she seems, her multitude of actions are building up to be highly damaging in the long run. It's been completely unfair to our marriage and mostly to me and our daughters. If karma is truly a real thing, I wish it would strike before she passes so that DH can correct himself.

I could have written this myself. I absolutely understand! And yes, KARMA is "truly a real thing." I'm watching 'her' in action, watching 'her' strike, as I type! All being done, before she (undpMIL passes). DH has OPENED UP tonight, the flood gates has opened and I've never seen him like this...like he said (just tonite) DAMN, it feels good!" Never thought I would hear those words and suspect there's so much more to come.Yes, I believe in God, I believe in Karma, both balances the scale.....

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