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Author Topic: Sick of it all  (Read 228 times)

Booey

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Sick of it all
« on: December 17, 2013, 04:35:13 AM »
Hello fellow lovely caring kind people all over the world who put up with too much crap!

What happened that life turned out this way? I can guarantee we are all good people who try so damn hard to be good to others and are taken advantage of

Trying to wrap our heads around a partner or ex partner that makes our lives hell

Sorry I'm feeling a bit discouraged today. I made the big break away from the perp and now I'm living my life single which is good but sucks sometimes

The life feels like it is full of couples who are 'normal' and this has eternally eluded me

I'm happy to be alone however I'm in midst of Hoover and trying to cope at moment

I'm getting I love you's and reasons why I caused problems and I'm even getting midnight calls from the hospital- not that I believe he is there. Sorry but it's not true!

Emotional manipulation threats and insults followed by loving comments

Gee I must be on the right path but its bloody hard

Thanks for listening x

sunshine27

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Re: Sick of it all
« Reply #1 on: December 17, 2013, 08:09:10 AM »
Booey it is hard and you are on the right path for you. 

Are you doing things for yourself?  Sometimes we can get caught up in worrying about another person and forget we need to take care of ourselves.  I really do believe until you love yourself fully, it's hard to move on.

As for normal people or couples, no one is.  Everyone has a cross to bear.  Everyone has something that is hard to go through.  I hope you know you are not alone in this.

Have you tried to go NC?  This might be a good choice for you.  You'll be able to focus on yourself.

 :bighug:

Stay strong and remember to love yourself!

Kestrel

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Re: Sick of it all
« Reply #2 on: December 17, 2013, 10:13:09 AM »
 :bighug: to you, Booey.

What happened that life turned out this way? I can guarantee we are all good people who try so damn hard to be good to others and are taken advantage of

I hear ya.  It feels like the $%^holes always win.

Thorn bird

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Re: Sick of it all
« Reply #3 on: December 17, 2013, 10:19:30 AM »
I can so understand how you feel - I too am sick of it all and you are so right we are decent, loving, caring people and we have to put up with so much which really hurts us and yet we still try to make amends for their bad behaviour etc.  It is difficult watching normal couples and wondering what went so wrong.  I ask myself why all the time. and also why I still love him - like you I am resisting a hoover and it is just so hard - it is not the first time - I am just fighting not to give in - I really feel for you and wish you love and a :bighug:
The bird with the thorn in it's breast is driven by it knows not what to impale itself and die singing. But when we put thorns in our breast we know, we understand. And still we do it. Still we do it.

ksol9

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Re: Sick of it all
« Reply #4 on: December 17, 2013, 11:27:30 AM »
Hello fellow lovely caring kind people all over the world who put up with too much crap!

What happened that life turned out this way? I can guarantee we are all good people who try so damn hard to be good to others and are taken advantage of

Trying to wrap our heads around a partner or ex partner that makes our lives hell

Sorry I'm feeling a bit discouraged today. I made the big break away from the perp and now I'm living my life single which is good but sucks sometimes

The life feels like it is full of couples who are 'normal' and this has eternally eluded me

I'm happy to be alone however I'm in midst of Hoover and trying to cope at moment

I'm getting I love you's and reasons why I caused problems and I'm even getting midnight calls from the hospital- not that I believe he is there. Sorry but it's not true!

Emotional manipulation threats and insults followed by loving comments

Gee I must be on the right path but its bloody hard

Thanks for listening x

Wow! It never ceases to amaze me when I read stories like this. I'm still amazed how they all behave and operate the same way. They are totally a different race of people. I can relate to your sentiments. It is very hard. Some days are better than others. If it is truly in your heart to move on, then continue with the staying away. This has been the most challenging thing for me in my life to date. I'm torn between someone I love and doing what is best for me. When you feel there is still hope, you keep trying. For me, it's all about keeping my mind stable enough to think clearly. These guys are pros at clouding your judgement. When I'm thinking clearly, I make clear decisions. I am stronger and healthier. I hope you find strength in the midst of everything you are going through.

Booey

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Re: Sick of it all
« Reply #5 on: December 17, 2013, 02:52:00 PM »
Thanks everyone. It is so so so good to have people who understand

It's very hard emotionally and as we have kids I have regular contact for years

I have tried to be civil I never rev him up and just try to ignore any comments that are hooks to upset me

However I got sucked into civil becoming friendly - saying nice things that he never ever says normally! Eg you look nice today

Then friendly became giving me a hug goodbye at the car after dropping kids back to me

There's the problem. I'm scared to 'upset' him so much I placate him and I think it makes things worse

I did draw the line when he said he wanted to kiss me!! I told him that I was never going back

Then I get the comments about his psych thinks this and that went wrong and we would be so good together if XYZ

At that point Hoover well in progress and my guilt ring activated as I'm feeling like I should not have encouraged him!!

So I get home feeling bad and text him that he has good qualities etc etc however I want him to know that I am never going back

And thus he has won contact hasn't he. But nobody to blame there but me. That's why I'm posting this too. Some accountability. I am kicking myself and don't want to go backwards at all

It is so obvious this chain reaction

No surprise I get the attention seeking behaviour then. Missed Calls on my phone at midnight. Early message saying that he's had emergency and can't get boys. So I ring of course. He states he's ringing from hospital. I can tell this is the old lying behaviour to get a reaction

Also this opens a chance for him to say I wasn't available when he needed me, his psych thinks I'm this and that, and in the end I think oh my goodness maybe I am crazy :0

The good side of this is that I feel so bad but I'm sitting in a situation where I'm finally alone- he is not living with me anymore- and I tell myself feel the painful emotion, learn from the chain reaction the patterns and if he and his family blame me for trying to 'lead him on' etc with this recent contact so what?

I have to live with myself and I don't have to live with him

Feeling like a fool and feeling guilty is not nice but is am training myself to not let it influence me so much which I can only do by feeling it

I'm determined to change and I'm not going back. I realised he can't make me and I'm not dependent on him for anything as he has rarely given anything

Thanks for all your comments. I hope you are all staying strong too
« Last Edit: December 17, 2013, 02:56:20 PM by Booey »