My uNPDw often uses these apologies and thinks that because she said the word I'm sorry that I should accept it and if I don't feel that the apology is sincere it is my fault and I am being unfair to her. It is pure blame shifting and manipulation. Often the apology comes in the midst of a fight and I get, "Your right it is all my fault I'm a terrible person, you win." This is a way for her to get out of the issue by making me into the bad guy. Other times I will get, "I'm sorry I didn't use the right words to make you accept my apology." Instead of looking at her behavior and seeking to rectify the situation it is about my issue of not accepting her apology. Often following the apology there is a laundry list of things she does to make me be happy and she does think I can ever be happy with her. She doesn't address or validate my feelings but gives a laundry list of things that she does good and expects me to apologize for not seeing what a great wife she is. After the "apology the end result is there is not a change in behavior, a real attempt to make things right, to validate my feelings.
Apologies are often more painful than the hurt feelings that should have brought the apology. I have to accept that she is not willing to examine herself and make changes and validate my feelings or the apology just eats away at me.