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Author Topic: "You Should Block Your Adult Children on Facebook"  (Read 604 times)

PrettyPictures

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"You Should Block Your Adult Children on Facebook"
« on: August 22, 2013, 12:07:03 PM »
I recently read something about parents of estranged children. Some of the advice given was for the parents to block their Facebook pages from the adult children so they can't know what's going on in the parent's life unless they contact the parent.

That seemed a little selfish to me.  If a parent truly cared about their child, why would they play games like that?

I could see if the child was being nasty towards the parent,  but I was never nasty towards my parents.
I just said hey if you guys don't want to make some healthy changes then I have no choice but to keep my distance from you.
They chose to excuse all the craziness in their house by repeating "No family is perfect" over and over and over again.
No interest in making any healthy changes.  The only change they suggested was that I get some therapy so that I don't get so traumatized by their dysfunction.  :wacko:

So I moved on.  I never did any name calling or anything rude or inappropriate.  But I got the childish treatment in return.  Like when my mother sent me the 3-page guilt letter at the beginning of the year.  She mentioned that a relative had passed away, but she wouldn't tell me who.  I guess she got the advice to withhold information as a way to try and get attention from me.

I didn't start this journey as a way to play childish games with anyone.  I had no choice but to start this journey if I didn't want to continue being stressed out and anxious from the dysfunction of my FOO.

So when I see advice like "block your Facebook page so your adult children are forced to contact you if they want to know what's going on",  it just seems like they don't have their kid's best interest in mind.   Only their own wants and needs.


Shimmer1

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Re: "You Should Block Your Adult Children on Facebook"
« Reply #1 on: August 22, 2013, 12:34:56 PM »
Quote
No interest in making any healthy changes.  The only change they suggested was that I get some therapy so that I don't get so traumatized by their dysfunction.  :wacko:

That's what I got too...they want me to get "well".  :blink:

What site did you see that advice on, www.howtomanipulateyouradultkidsotheyremembertheirplace.com?

I actually want to block some FOO from my facebook, but I just don't think it is worth it.  They would just start harassing people who are mutual friends and start drama...which I want to avoid...which is why I don't want to even see them in my news feed with passive aggressive status updates that I know are about me.

So I just went to their page and "unfollowed" them so they don't show up on my newsfeed...that sounds weird to me that I went to that trouble instead of deleting/blocking them...I'm still walking on eggshells I guess.

PrettyPictures

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Re: "You Should Block Your Adult Children on Facebook"
« Reply #2 on: August 22, 2013, 01:04:26 PM »
The reason I keep my facebook page blocked from all of them is because it just gave me the creeps to know they could see it.

Originally when I had my mother and other relatives as 'friends',  my mother would 'like' every single thing I posted.  I thought it was a little too much.
Then later on, after the drama started,  I kept my mother (and the extended FOO) as facebook friends so I didn't have to speak with her (my father had sent me an email demanding that I call my mother so that she "knows that you're alive"). 

That's when my mother started totally ignoring my posts,  but would always make passive aggressive posts of her own that were clearly geared towards me.
It was just weird.

Now she likes to play games and keep her page hidden.
If it wasn't for a cousin inlaw telling me what was really going on a year ago,   I would still think that my father is frail and sick and stares out a window all day wishing I'd come home.
That's what my mother wanted me to think.  I found out the reality is that my father is fine and active and still has an NPD anger towards me.
( that cousin inlaw has now been shunned by my mother because cousin inlaw won't take my mother's side   ::) )
« Last Edit: August 22, 2013, 01:08:24 PM by PrettyPictures »

Shimmer1

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Re: "You Should Block Your Adult Children on Facebook"
« Reply #3 on: August 22, 2013, 02:30:25 PM »
THANK GOD my uBPD mom doesn't have a facebook account...but cousins do, and boy do they love the drama.

They never comment or "like" anything from me or sibling.  They just tell mom everything we post, with a side of "this and that" added for extra kick.

I don't post and when I do it is positive...they HATE this.  Sibling posted a great picture of my g-ma (dad's mom that died a few years ago, who my mom loathes).  We had looked for that picture because it was just a really good pic of her, well she posted it.  I commented "yay, you found it"

This brought on world war 3.  She didn't understand why neither of us thought of how she would feel that we had a picture of OUR GRANDMOTHER who never did anything to hurt us on our FB, or how that made her feel.  We didn't post a picture of her mom.  What kind of selfish children did she raise  :doh:

1.  She doesn't even have a facebook account!
2.  It was not mean...I can't even imagine that making someone upset...were we supposed to dislike our gma?
3.  My mom defends cousin and says she told me about it and she felt so bad that she had upset me by telling me.  She had no idea it would cause a problem and would never start drama between us...HA! LOL! All they do is start stuff...
4.  Cousin later puts passive aggressive status that says "I lost my mom at age 15 and I get really upset when people don't love their mom.  I would give anything to have my mom back.  For those of you out there who still have a mother, you need to act like it and treat her with respect because she won't always be around."

It was REALLY hard to ignore that post that was about me and sis, I know that is how PD's work though...neither me or sis said a word to anyone else about it, nor did we comment or respond in any way...but we sure did vent to each other about it...

kiwihelen

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Re: "You Should Block Your Adult Children on Facebook"
« Reply #4 on: August 22, 2013, 03:08:27 PM »
FB has kept a tenuous link between my SO and his,estranged daughter. They have a,private group and he mostly posts (pictures and memories from her childhood). We know she reads it. She has only commented once and has done one or two likes. We know her mother doesn't know about it or she would never go there.
You gotta make a personal choice how to use technology to stay in touch

Stardust

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Re: "You Should Block Your Adult Children on Facebook"
« Reply #5 on: August 22, 2013, 03:51:45 PM »
Thank god my mom has become so clueless about computers and doesn't have a FB account. I rarely use it myself for anything other than sharing cat pictures, but I do like the chat function in that I can send my friends from my home town little updates on my life and see how they're doing.

Blocking anyone on FB that isn't stalking/harassing you is really childish. It's like breaking up with someone with a text message. I've only ever blocked one person, an ex that was still being very clingy and nosy about my life after I broke up with him. However, I did call him before hand telling him to never talk to me again.

Also, for those who don't know, you can mark someone as an acquaintance on FB instead of a friend. That means any posts or pictures that you specify are for friends only will not be seen by them. I think that they can still post on your wall or send you messages, but at least they won't be able to use FB as a means to find things to attack you with.

~Stardust
"You are you,
That is all you ever can be,
And that is perfectly fine."

HJL80

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kayjewel

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Re: "You Should Block Your Adult Children on Facebook"
« Reply #7 on: August 23, 2013, 12:19:43 AM »
I think you should go register that domain name, HJJ80.  :tongue2:
There is no coming to consciousness without pain. People will do anything, no matter how absurd, in order to avoid facing their own soul. One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.
-- C. G. Jung

WomanInterrupted

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Re: "You Should Block Your Adult Children on Facebook"
« Reply #8 on: August 23, 2013, 12:55:24 AM »
That advice sounded SO p/a that it defies all logic.  It sounds like something my mom would do if she were tech savvy but thankfully she's not...

Although it hasn't stopped her from badgering me about stalking others on FB and reporting back to her, complete with print-offs of their pages so she can see what they're saying and have me make "corrections" for her - ie, use me as her attack dog.   :no:

What part of this statement is ambiguous to anybody?  "Mom, I'm not on Facebook.  I don't have an account.  I don't have time for it."

She just keeps telling me to go on FB, like she hasn't heard at all - so now I'm just ignoring the statement like *I* haven't heard at all. 

For the record, I do have an FB account under an assumed name so MIL (who IS technologically savvy!) can't find me and start a bunch of crap. 

Although, I'm not the same person I was 10, 15 years ago and would be apt to post, "There's a bus leaving for Cleveland in a few hours.  Please be under it." - before blocking her.  That way, she'd have something to whine about  ;D

PrettyPictures

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Re: "You Should Block Your Adult Children on Facebook"
« Reply #9 on: August 23, 2013, 06:35:32 AM »
My parents are also the types who would make a fake facebook account just to check and see if I had an account.

A year ago I deleted and blocked all extended FOO.  I did it so that my mother could not go to any of them and say "Does Pretty Pictures still have a Facebook account? Can you check for me?" 
I wanted it to just look like I deactivated my account, to avoid drama.

Yet somehow I got accused of blocking her.  Somehow she found out.  I saw my parents doing all kinds of things to snoop on each other in the past,  so it wouldn't be at all out of character for them to create fake FB pages to do their dirty work.

Silverfox

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Re: "You Should Block Your Adult Children on Facebook"
« Reply #10 on: August 24, 2013, 09:30:08 AM »
Well, I have to say... if it's an adult child with a PD I would totally understand. If my mom (uBPD/HPD) were to go NC with me I would block her from my FB as well. NC is NC... (tbh though... I wish she would... what peace that would give!)

So I don't mind the advice in itself. But I do really hate the undertone of forcing your kids to call you for information. If you block someone your intentions should be clear (I'm not interested in contacting you and I don't want you to know about my life). It should never be "I'm blocking you because I want you to contact me and I don't have the interest or capability to be the kind of person you want to be around, so I'll guilt you into it".
Not all those who wander are lost