This is a very relevant topic and I believe the core of persons with a PD. Depending on the PD the manifestation of behaviors will be different, however the end result behavior is the same.
We have very similar situations in the length of the r/s. The mode of my dxAvPDH is to be very passive aggressive. What I have come to guess at an understanding of his heart, as like you, it is not discussed, is that he himself does not know his heart, he does not know what its suppose to be. Again, this is only a guess at my part, and I can only make this statement based upon a moment of clarity that he did share with me. He confessed that he did not and for 20+ years does not know what love, honor and cherish means. Those words do not come with a definition when it come to an emotional connection in terms of a meaningful relationship. I worked for a year to help him with this concept by trying many different approaches, with the guidance of a MC, however it was not successful. He would resist, he would withdraw, and ultimately reject me. In essence, as he explained to me, I was and always had been an emotional roommate.
I believe you are correct in your statement, it has nothing to do about the state of your heart, it is about the possession of it. It is common for a partner to be objectified.
It has been a very tough pill to swallow now knowing the state of the r/s for all these years, and once the fascade fell away, but I understand I did not cause this, I cannot cure it and I cannot control it. I am not responsible for his choices, and I do not shelter him from the consequences of them either.
Best wishes to you