I'd posted a month ago about being grateful for good days, and learning about the H's PPD and how to cope. Maybe my ignorance was bliss, I'm not sure now. I left 4 days ago and have been at my mom's. He had not spoken to me in a week, and I've left him alone, went about my merry way, convinced it's his stuff/not mine, refusing to accept blame, argue or ask/beg/plead for him to tell me what I've done as in the past. He announces to me, that he wanted me to be aware that for the month of July, he had made an "effort" to work on our relationship, and he had not seen any effort out of me. I just stared at him and said, "what effort have you made?" H- "I've seen about my own meals, I've tried to take care of my self, to do the things you are SUPPOSED to do and more." Me - "Oh. You get your own meals because I'm not allowed to use the stove and I didn't know I was required to be making an effort this past month - is that it?" H- "well, we haven't had sex in a month!" Me- Ummm, I have, and I'm pretty sure it was with you." He continued that it was not as often, blah, blah. I told him, I'll be leaving Monday. H smirked and said you always got a timeline, put it off. I said, "Well, I'm working on a project for YOUR grandchild's bday, but you know what, I can leave today." I was due to babysit for a friend, but called her and told her I would be unavailable - I NEVER do that. I don't go back on what I agree to do and I also don't draw attention to our issues. I calmly started gathering things, and he was livid. I've left before, then conceded that he's right, I'm wrong, I'll do better, etc., this time. I don't know if it was an over reacting boundary or what, but I decided, I would leave on my own rather than wait on him to kick me out as the previous times. It has FINALLY occured to me, that if he does his crap, I take it, accept it and go back to nothing is wrong, then his behavior has become acceptable and he will continue to treat me this way. He called and demanded I come get the rest of my things. (My D (19) stayed. Stated she wasn't doing the back and forth crap, it was a rerun she was tired of watching.) I went WHEN I got ready, he was "helping" me load, bringing me my belongings and things I'd given him, being very mean and ugly. Then, later he comes to me, sobbing, very apologetic for things he has SAID. Not for his actions which is what I want. Also, wouldn't look me in the eye. He did say, that all he did was let me know he'd made an effort - he never expected this, and itwas "like being hit with a hammer". This was big, though, He don't do that often. I thanked him for it, then let him know it didn't change anything. Told him, "I can't seem to be what you want, and you won't accept me like I am and I don't know what to do about it." He said he didn't either, so I kept packing and left again. The next day, I go with the intent of trying to reason with him without giving in completely - a truce, "I"ll do better/YOU can do better, let's work TOGETHER." He went ballistic and informed me he would NOT negotiate, I would NOT dictate how things will be when he provides everything, and I am am basically an ungrateful brat. Told me to not even bother getting anything today, just go. That was noon yest. and there has been nothing further. My d goes in and out between work, activities, etc, and told him she was staying w/ me the night, but he hasn't asked her anything. I am not sure what to do next. I'm also not sure if I'm trying to control him? The enabling definition really hit home with me. I've BEEN doing that. Today it hit me that I am unable to be "wifely" towards him because of how I feel about the things he has done to me with no remorse, etc. I've tried to get over it, put it behind me, but I guess I haven't. I am losing respect for him, and by staying, I'm losing respect for me. I do love him, but I don't what to do now.
