Struggling to convince myself

[tcall398]

I've recently had to be in contact with my ex NPD because of  very serious situation that I earlier discussed in another post. I wouldn't be able to afford what i am going to do with out him plus i felt obligated. He has been very supportive throught the process but now he wants to start hanging out again.

This whole thing has made me hate him less and accept him for being kind but I know if would only worsen things to see him again. I know deep down he will never change but I feel like I need him right now. Ugh how I hate that. I don't want to be sucked down into his lies and chaotic life again but I wish I could have the old him back right now. The one that would wake up happy in the morning singing and dancing to all his favorite songs, the one that was ready for any adventure, the one that put a smile on my face no matter what I was doing. Why did everything have to change and why did the person I fall in love have to turn into a fraud? It still astonishes me to think about the 2 very different people he was. I want the old one back because I still love that one.

Im at the point in mylife where my parents want to go do things on their own, my brother and sister are married and all my friends are in very serious relationships. I am ready to have that and I was so happy to be happy in a relationship. I was so comfortable with him and I saw myself marrying him someday. Its like a kick in the face everytime I am home alone and everyone else is with their significant other. Funny thing is he is probably with his ex wife everynight or the other girl she is convinced he is seeing as well. Life sure does not make sense these days.

[MakingChanges]

If there's an ex wife he's actively spending time with, and another woman, then stay away.  You're just getting used for narcissistic supply. 

Could you investigate some of the dating internet sites?  Or perhaps your siblings could introduce you to a friend?

[kitty]

Yes Yes Yes,

You are too friggin young (and a lot of us here on this forum are going through the "almost same thing you are and have mountains of years that are gone).

Get your butt out and have some fun.

Girls just gotta have fun!

You'll forget him when you are dancing under some retro dance ball from the eighties that is coming back full swing. JEEZ I really am dating myself.

I don't care if your friends are in So's or NO's or what. Go play. get dressed up, full makeup done, nails perfect, and go and dance.

No drinking please unless you come and leave in a cab. No leaving your drink on the bar and no accepting a drink from a stranger unless you keep it in your hands at all times.

I know, I sound like an old douche bag (wow, I was able to spell that!) but that is the reality into days meat market scene.

You are not and I mean NOT over. JEEZ! Just read the posts from the women and men on this forum. They are all amazingly similar, sad and wonderful at the same time. Craziness about love is the same for all...no matter what the age.

Now go have fun. And make sure he has a condom and you are on BC and that you know ALL about him before....

You know I probably am scaring you shitless at this point that I will shut up.

We care about you.

With all the love in the world.

kitty