I know I know I know

[kitty]

To Varja and making changes and to all that listen to me go on and on and on

Yes, I am making excuses AGAIN for the H's behavior. But it is not sticking like it used to. I get what you are telling me about self-compassion. I had to return the keys to the old house, write the exit letter, set up the printer, roll out the garbage bin at the old house, pay the rent at the new house, inquire why I have to pay the water bill that just arrived since I had not even began living in the new apartment, feed the animals, walk the dog, travel 2 1/2 hours to settle the old house rental....and I have come to the conclusion that I am allowing my self to be used up by the H. He called this morning to give me his list of things for me to do.

I just can't stand one more order from the doc that can't keep a job. I can't stand being married to him. I can't stand listening to him justify why he is again going to be unemployed (or maybe not if he gets the other temp job he has applied for). I just can't stand even listening to him about anything.

But I can't leave until my work situation changes for the better. Like trying to find a livable wage job after being out of the market for seven years.

I really need help here. What words do I say when he gives me another bullsh@t story about why he got canned again. Or all the other bullsh@t that he wants me to co laborate with him in his twisted mind.

I am so over this...but how do I survive until I can leave.

How do I do that????????????????????????????????

kitty

[beastkeeper]

I wish I could give you the answer, but I'm having to re-evaluate as well.  What a difference a day makes.  Yest. I was full of how I manage info, then today, 1 phone call changes everything.  My mom is a nurse.  SHe calls from the hosp., but no big deal she works there.  She wanted me to go see about my dad who had just called her and was waiting beside his vehicle for the law because "he's not sure, he thinks he blacked out, but the car has smashed into a tree and I want to make sure he's ok."  I freaked.  This man is every superhero rolled into one.  He doesn't just have accidents.  Anyway, H hasn't been speaking - he did inform me today that I needed to check caller ID 'cause it rang and woke him up.  At 12:30 p.m.  After he slept all nit and got up at 9 a.m.  Poor baby.  An hour later, my mom calls, I tell him something has happened ot dad, I need your vehicle.  Long sigh, "fine."  Got my mom (dad had taken her car from the hosp.) went to the site - front end totally smashed, airbags deployed car parts shattered everywhere and a huge tree with an incredible amount of bark gone.  Made sure dad was okay, got the family calmed down, needed to take dad to finish his errands, but couldn't go in H truck "cause I didn't ask ahead of time".  Took his truck back, informed him our D was coming to get me so I could take the car and see about my dad.  He never asked a word.  I grabbed a few things, told him I left money for the gas I used, as soon as she got here I'd be gone awhile.   He never called.  Ended up in the ER , 'cause the hero has boo-boos - dislocated shoulder, fluid building up on knees, major abrasions from the airbags and generally shook up.  I get home 6-7 hours after I left.  NOthing.  Returned a call and told the friend what happened, loud enough for him to hear.  Nothing.  He finally walks by me to announce, "guess I'll go get something to eat."  That's it.  No concern for me, family, anyone.  This is after our D wrecked in January and when he took me to her, He smarted off about her driving, then said, "looks like the boyfriend is pulling up, I guess I can go."  Then drove away and left me standing on the side of the road with a broken car and broken baby (she's 19, but still).  I got over that.  Learned all about the Pd's the past months.  I have to admit I am NOT committed to working on it today.  Thanks for the vent time.

[beastkeeper]

Kitty, I pretty much hijacked your topic, and I apologize.  I should've started another.  I am so sorry.

[Varja]

I just can't stand one more order from the doc that can't keep a job. I can't stand being married to him. I can't stand listening to him justify why he is again going to be unemployed (or maybe not if he gets the other temp job he has applied for). I just can't stand even listening to him about anything.

But I can't leave until my work situation changes for the better.

Dear Kitty, I only wish I had the answer you're seeking. You're an incredibly bright person, and have already stated - more than once, what your best path forward looks like. The daily challenges do change, and it's important to remember that you're working towards a means to an end.

I quoted your thoughts above to perhaps illustrate what a small - and restrictive corner you've painted yourself into. I have some sense this may be how you're viewing your situation, so no wonder it's exceedingly difficult. To re-phrase it:

I can't cope with my husband any longer, and I can't leave until I find a job.

Where's the space needed for a solution?

I think its found within self-compassion.

Try this construct on for size:

I can cope with my husband's behaviors as long as is necessary, until I manage to find a job.

Do you not see an infinite amount of space wherein you can achieve a workable solution?

In addition to the NAMI support group you mentioned in your other thread, perhaps you could also check out Codependent support groups. I've heard they offer wonderful support for people in relationships with PD's.

[Varja]

Beastkeeper ...

I'm so sorry you're being treated like this. I agree that you should begin your own thread, too.

Hang in there, and take care of yourself FIRST!

[kitty]

Oh Varja,

Thank you, so much wisdom....so much easier to stomach than the way I put it to myself. It is so self defeating. Well, one thing I am doing is paying very good attention to Mr. Market and I am taking my profits and run. That will leave my ADR's in negative territory, however, I knew this would happen and picked up some very solid companies for a very very good price, even if they have tanked further, that is OK.

The positions I am letting go are the ones I bought when the US market tanked in 2008. Lord, that was a sight to behold.

I am staying on the side lines for now...I don't like the run up we have had just because there appears to be some stability to the euro problem. It won't stay this way. Especially with the election so near.

The Codependent group is a thought. I feel that the NAMI support group is the best I can do for now...I am scared to death to go to this thing but I must for my own sanity be with people (in live human form) for direction. Although, this forum has kept me from really just not being able to cope at ALL!

Another coup for moving to the big city...get my portfolio balanced. Working on my portfolio really gives my brain a jolt. Thank god I have one that loves developing wealth.

With all the love in the world

kitty

[Varja]

Working on my portfolio really gives my brain a jolt. Thank god I have one that loves developing wealth.

I wish I had 1/100th of your financial skills.

Things balance out, I suppose.

[kitty]

Oh, Varja,

I know my mother was a classic PD N and all the other alphabet, but the one thing she could do is make a penny scream.

And for some reason I picked up that ability.

Now to consider my siblings....sister: great pension but an insatiable appetite for retail therapy..hence she is up sh@t creek forever. Estate will be in insolvency. And she wants me to support her and my brother because, well, you know the drill...so NC there also.

brother: one child, able to get a full ride scholarship to Duke through their excellent engineering program. And if nothing has come from the father's side it was math. There again, from both sides so much art. And my brother has a down and dirty lack of care when it comes to ripping the dealerships. he is one of the BIG company auditors. I know him , but I don't know him. I just know how ruthless we were taught and I believe he decided that was the best way to survive. So NC

they don't make very good bed fellows, art and math ... and I think you understand that a highly intelligent person would have to get in bed because they could not agree to not see some advantages to the type of bed they must live in art vrs the linear or rational world.

I know double negatives galore.

I am not making sense now. I am tired. I have dissolved some of my most basic companies....but for a greater purpose. Buying a condo, cash, in----my-----name----only----with----inheritance money---that the H CAN'T TOUCH.

What I am really tryng to explain is how is the hell's heaven I became who I am and they are who they are.

It was never about the money. Its playing, well, like chess, and knowing to just let the cards fold. I am in the hole right now since I have moved my strong positions out of harm. Sold them off to those that think they will go higher.  So what. If it is one thing I do and can do is just say, thank you Mr. Market, and allow my self a wonderful demure switch of my skirt as I leave the room.

Shoot I played Ford at 2.50 a share, 10 months later it was at 12$ a share and I sold. Sold Deagio for a 50% profit and bought Ford again....now it sitting in a very low place on the board. No problemo. Ford is one of my keepers. Probably just hand it over to a charitable organization, take the annuity and say thank you Lord for the Edsel. It will take till I die to see that stock do anything but see, I already made my money. It is just waiting for the US to understand what the rest of the world loves about the Ford Focus.

And when they tank again, well, the skirt may just walk back into the room for another go.

kitty

[Hope_1229]

kitty,

You can do it.  You don't need two people to run a household...it will be a little harder but you can do it and there IS help out there to get you back on your feet.  Try looking into a charity orginazation.  Even though the economy sucks...there are people out there willing to help those in a bind such as yourself. 

Sounds like you have had a little clarity in that you are unhappy and see something that is not right in the way that you are being treated.  You know in your heart what the right thing is to do.  However, only you can determine that.   

[kitty]

Yes, Hope, you are right...I can do it. It is just a matter of time.

Just got to have faith. And I lost that in myself for awhile. But I see I am already working to change my situation. First in my mind then in my body.

kitty

[MakingChanges]

A condo sound sliek a gret idea and something you've wanted for the few months I've been writing here.  Go for it.  And a condo with a maintenace man will be easier for you when you're free!!!!  You'll have a new world at your fingertips if you just reach out to grab it. 

[Winnie]

 Kitty, stay strong.  I am thinking of you.  I really don't have advice.  After all, I stayed for 30 years.  But, I do know that you are an intelligent, strong woman and that you deserve to have your needs met for once.  It just gets to the point where the pain of leaving is less than the pain of staying.
Sending a big huggggggg.

[kitty]

I love you guys.

kitty  purrrrrrrrrrrr.......