Coping with Personality Disorders > Chosen Relationships

Seeking input

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CF93133:
Hello all!

   Just seeking a little input from the board.  If you have followed my earlier posts, you'd learn I have finally divorced my wife who is strongly suspect as having a PD.  one of the issues that fostered the end of our marriage (not that it ever really existed) was her affair with our 18yoa nanny. 

   My question is whether I should bother returning a phone memory card containing photos of our kids, along with nude photos she took of herself and received from her lovers.  Some of the photos are dated during one of our two attempts at reconciling, exactly at the same times I suspected that something was amiss...again.  Perhaps I should forget it all since past gaslighting she pulled was greeted with blank stares when I would confront her. 

mychoice33:
Since your divorce is final I'd select the kids photos you want and ditch the rest.  It would trigger me to have them around.  In fact I'd ditch the whole lot of them in an effort to move toward healing.  I wouldn't want the reminder.  There is nothing uselefull that can be done with those images.

EmptyInsideUK:
I agree with mychoice33 that the card needs to become "lost"

Save the pics of your children, as they are undoubtedly precious to you, but then get rid of the card (destroy it ... great sense of satisfaction, adds some closure, plus it means it can't be accessed should it somehow turn up somewhere). 

If she ever asks about it, tell her you haven't seen it, never had it, don't know where it is etc.  If she hasn't asked for it until now, she can't be missing it.

CF93133:
Thanks for the input!  I am sure that on some level, my motivation for returning the damn thing has to do with "proving to her" she was lying.  And because I am the way I am, there's a deep Desiree she will suddenly see the madness she has generated.  I realize that the madness lies within me though... Mad for trying to salvage a marriage that never existed...mad for enduring controlling, manipulative behavior and being used.

Patricio:
Yeah I can relate with you on this one. Well I have had a lot of feelings that I wanted to prove to her she was the messed up person. That she was in the wrong. You want justification, but I have also slowly came to the realization that it will simply never happen. It's part of the learning experience to be able to say to yourself, no I won't have closure they way I want; but that does not matter at the end of the day because they will always continue to do what they do and I have no control over that.

My advice is don't get to caught up in justice of the situation because you will lose yourself in a pointless personal battle. Focus more on you and forget the injustices of it all.

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