Coping with Personality Disorders > Chosen Relationships

Had a bad morning but changed it

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kitty:
From another post I told you all that the H lost another job. I really started to throw myself in the hole and I did a pretty good job of it, a little bit of a panic attack (yes, unemployment, especially serial really triggers me) and I almost got into a fight with the H when he said that  there were rumors of sexual harassment against him at his new job.

Well, knowing the H as I do...he most likely made an off the color remark to this social worker that went ballistic on him. He has no sense of what it appropriate. I even began to lecture him on what he can and cannot say in the work place. A lecture I have given him in the past but to no avail.

Then I stopped myself. I JUST STOPPED.

Hung up the phone (saying I can't talk right now) took the dog for a walk. Came back and had another little panic attack.

AND THEN I STOPPED.

I pulled up Mahari's web site and listened to her audio of its not just them. It is me too. The enmeshment, the codependency, the helplessness, the hopelessness

And I said, self....so what he can't keep a job. He has another that he will because he is slowly learning. I got up and started moving the boxes, unpacking, organizing, praying. And now that I am in the city I start looking for a job.

There you go...not about him. Its about me.

As my mother would say 'GET OFF YOUR KNEES!'

The H wanted me to come to Alaska for the last two weeks that he was there so that I could see Alaska. I said no, in another situation, when we can relax and have fun, sure, but not at the end of a job.

And if he can just keep doing the temp jobs we will be OK. We have everything we need. Except any kind of real marriage. But I am doing the "radical acceptance" and working on getting my Sh@t together. No more worry about what he is going to pull next.

Just get that job for me. That is the goal for me right now.

kitty

Winnie:
Sorry about your h job, Kitty.  What an emotional roller-coaster.  It is hard to stay focused on yourself when they are screwing with your livelihood and well-being.  I am just sending you a great big hug and many good wishes.  Hang in there friend!

beastkeeper:
Just wanted to tell you how proud I am of you.  I know you've been at this longer than me, but I guess it really never changes does it?  WE still have to keep plugging along and not fall back.  The Grump on the Stump over here is gearing up....he's been parked in front of the tv, going from the recliner to the bed.  Doing nothing much.  Commenting every so often about how hard he's worked over his life and how we don't appreciate him enough, blah, blah, blah.  Normally, I over-compensate for the mood, trying to cheer him up, or, even more fun, back-tracking, trying to remember what I did to set him off.  Nope.  Not this time.  I've been at my regular routine, talking to him about general things as I normally would, staying busy with my little projects, etc.  Maybe I'm finally accepting things?  My biggest conclusion - for me anyhow, is that he is a grown man.  Even if he wants to blame me for whatever, HE'S the one who has to figure out how to deal with it just as I have to figure out how to deal with him.  I went on my walk this a.m. repeating the motto - I didn't cause it, can't control or cure it.  It's so freeing not to take on his junk.  I got enough of my own.  You keep hanging in there.  The job you're after will hopefully come along and be a pleasant escape.       

kitty:
Grump on the Stump

Oh, Beastkeeper! Where does your mind go to think up these things. I want to go there!

Good Lord, he sounds like he is turning into one of those crotchety old men that sit on the stoop in some old Tennessee Valley movie, just mumbling to themselves about how life was just so UNFAIR! to them.

Lord, and I have one too.

kitty

mychoice33:
kitty, I think I like your mother! :applause:

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