Well He Got Fired-Or Did He?

[kitty]

The H has been in Alaska for a month and half. He is working for the Native American hospital campus. In the last 3 months in the H's department one doc was fired (mutual agreement) after several years working at the campus, one went to work for one of the practices in town, a temp doc who is working there now will not do anymore coverage in the winter, and the other temp doc is not coming back either.

When the campus contacted the H they were desperate because they needed coverage really badly. Everyone else had left.

The campus hired the H for a trial of 3 months. They now do not believe he has the "style" that they are looking for along with he takes too long with the patients (reoccurring issue) and the nurses were putting in paid overtime which the administration was not happy about.

The H's supervisor had brought to the H's attention that he needs to ramp up his speed 2X.

The supervisor went on vacation and the recruiter for the hospital spoke with the H yesterday about his performance. She just didn't think that he was a good fit for the job. And he was too slow and the nurses were putting in overtime because of the H being too slow.

She said that they would be happy to give him an excellent letter of recommendation.

The hospital already has two physicians coming in that will do the temp to perm thing that the H was on. As far as I know they are right out of their fellowship and would be paid much less than the H.

A social worker at the hospital tried to say that the H sexually harassed her. This was not brought up in the exit meeting. The H's last day is Sept. 29. He does get to work the remainder of the assignment.  It appears that the harassment thing was gossip in the department. No charges were filed against the H.

I can't figure out whether they never intended to keep the H - but they needed someone in an emergency because all the docs left. So they dangled a huge amount of money to get the H up there...then they found the docs that they really wanted to hire.

Does that sound plausible to you.

My intuition tells me that the place has a lot of problems retaining docs -

1 some that they don't give the docs time to learn the system
2 internal problems with the docs that had been there for a long time (since they all left in the last 6 months)
3 that the administration is going to churn the docs until when (when they find the perfect person?)

I am not unhappy that the H is leaving this place after 3 months. He has another job that is getting set up as we speak and he can move back down to the Midwest before the winter sets in in Alaska.

I really need a reality check here. I am trying to work on my "compassion and enlightenment" and "radical acceptance" but I want your feed back. Because underneath all this is the fact that the H keeps losing jobs. So am I getting the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

kitty

[EmptyInsideUK]

Hi kitty

I can only offer an opinion based on how things work in UK hospitals, but as a temp worker I have some experience in this sort of thing.

1.  The hospital would be looking to avoid paying high temp fees so would actively be looking to recruit staff
2.  If your h's work pace had been faster they may have offered him a perm position as they had vacancies
3. Taking newly qualified specialists would be cheaper and that always affects appointment of staff
4. A rumour of sexual harrassment would be another reason to not offer a perm job

As he is working to the end of the contract period, I would say he has not been fired. However, I am guessing he is not performing at the level they want and as such they are exercising their right to not renew the contract or offer a perm job.

So not fired would be my thought on this. Glad he has another job in the pipeline

[rosie]

This is another red flag. For whatever reason, he is losing jobs. At least part of this is his own attitude toward them - he cannot convince people to keep him.

I agree with EIU about how hospitals look at it. I would say he has been lucky this time, but wouldn't hold my breath about it necessarily going well next time.

[Varja]

I really need a reality check here. I am trying to work on my "compassion and enlightenment" and "radical acceptance" but I want your feed back.

From my perspective, it seems you're putting a great deal of energy into justifying his behaviors.

General definition of compassion: "a feeling of deep sympathy and sorrow for another who is stricken by misfortune, accompanied by a strong desire to alleviate the suffering."

My definition of compassion (which was formed after enduring too many years of difficult relationships with people with PD's) is "wishing that myself and others be free from suffering."

I also believe - very strongly - that before we can demonstrate compassion for another person, we must first hold compassion for ourselves. (See the 51% Rule.) Doing so makes coping with the difficult emotions of fear, anger, shame, guilt, loneliness, confusion much easier. It also makes the world around us a better place to live.

Self-compassion involves acting gently towards ourselves when we're having a difficult time, failing at something, or dwelling on something we don’t like about ourselves. Instead of just ignoring our pain with a “stiff upper lip” mentality, we stop to tell ourselves “this is really difficult right now,” how can I comfort and care for myself in this moment?

Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing ourselves for various inadequacies or shortcomings, self-compassion means we are kind and understanding when confronted with personal failings – after all, who ever said we were supposed to be perfect?

For me, compassion isn't simply a sugary~sweet way of talking or being. It is not a lame excuse for inaction. It does not condone acts of violence. It does not excuse the behaviors of people with personality disorders. Compassion is a force. Compassion changes the impulsive way we take action against injustice. Compassion gives us a more effective and long-term means to overcome the perils in our lives.

Compassion is not bleeding-heart pity for others, nor it is a feel-good act of giving money away. Compassion is a world view that we are all in it together, that we all make mistakes that we have a right to correct. Cruelty and inconsideration can be replaced with strength, instead of striking back with the same cruelty.

Far too many self-help authors promote radical acceptance as a panacea to cure difficult relationships. Most of them aren't Buddhists, nor do they even understand Buddhist practice. My personal attitude towards those who do probably isn't important, and I'm still working on achieving the ability to overlook their indiscretions.

Radical Acceptance means clearly recognizing what we are feeling in the present moment and regarding that experience with compassion. It does not mean that we accept abusive behaviors. It is not something that can be learned effectively - without focused and deliberate effort in mindfulness training.   

So it comes full-circle and ends up where we started: Self-compassion.

Perhaps some self-help authors also throw about the term "enlightenment." I do not see a connection with relationships involving people with personality disorders. I also do not believe a person who has achieved this state of being would accept an abusive or troubled relationship.

It is defined as:"The attainment of spiritual knowledge or insight. In Buddhism: "that which frees a person from the cycle of rebirth."

Kitty, you asked for a reality check, and I've tried to deliver one. We've discussed in the past - the influence of your parents' behaviors throughout your upbringing. I realize what you're currently struggling with is very difficult. I also strongly believe that you will find the answers you're seeking when you begin the process of understanding the roots of some of your adult behaviors and thought processes.

I also "get" that you're enduring some tremendously difficult circumstances because of your husband's behavior patterns. There really is another way to cope with this, too. Usually, the support and assistance of a good therapist can jump-start this process and put you on a good path.

[MakingChanges]

He needs to stop the inappropriate sexual behavior.  Whatever the truth is there.  Whether it be suggestions, off color jokes, or touching.  Whatever it is it has to stop.  He's a lawsuit waiting to happen if a female takes it to an attorney.  He's not worth it to the hospital. 

[kitty]

Oh lord, you guys....

thanks and thanks again

I just can hardly believe that I am in the reality that I am in with this person. I wish he was an alcoholic then I could understand the cause and effect of his destructive behavior. But this is beyond my abilities.

Yes, I am pushing myself too hard, always have done, was taught to be this way and I just won't give myself a break. Gotta change, gotta change, gotta change.

kitty