Coping with Personality Disorders > Chosen Relationships

Is this OCD???

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amber:
I need direction. Here is what I see in boyfriend, we are now separated.
Multiple affairs over long periods of time (2 years, and 1 year) that I know about.
No male friends our entire 7 year relationship.
Hid and lied about where he was, who he was with and the person he is/was in general. As if he morphed into other people? Not real sure.
Made me believe that I was the only one and that we had our life planned out.
Went to adoption classes with me over 13 months, all while having affairs.
Denied the affairs up and down even though I had proof. Then would finally admit to things only after I grilled him.
Had his parents lying and covering up for him.
Had the girlfriends lying and covering up for him.
Cannot give a reason WHY he did any of this but swears it won’t happen again and wants me back.
Has a hard time making decisions about anything without direction.
Acts very defensive about the slightest and littlest things.
Goes after women obsessively, calling and texting 100+ times a day. Going into great sexual detail and promising the world.
He is now in counseling (week 3) and she has suggested it may be OCD. She wants him to have a psychological consult to get a better idea and possible dx. I am in love with this man; I took my 10 year old and moved 7 states away and left him there. I told him we cannot be together until he is better. I join the counseling calls once a week and hear his lack of progress. He is unable to give any kind of answers, at all. He says they never meant anything and he never thought he would lose me or his family. He claims that he never thought of any of the repercussions of his actions or choices. I find this really hard to believe. I am willing to talk but that is all. I won’t let him have contact with my child that he has raised for 7 years because he has a tendency to give false belief and the happy ever after and I just don’t want to subject him to that. I said he could write a letter and I would approve it before he could read it.
I am looking for anyone that might give me insight to these symptoms/actions. If you know what’s going on here PLEASE let me know.

MakingChanges:
Gotta make this quick.  i'm on the run today.  Protect yourself and your child.  Watching your child's pain over this loss will be awful.  I went through it.  I will be very careful about who I let in in the future.

rosie:
The diagnosis is not all that important. He may have a PD or OCD, be a sex addict, or simply a jerk. These labels do not really matter. What does matter is how YOU feel about it, and how it affects your child. As MC said , think about how this will influence your child, and the role model you are being for the child.

But maybe even more importantly, go down deep inside yourself, and answer a few unpleasant questions. Are you willing to live with this kind of behavior? The chances that he will change dramatically are, from what you have said in your own posts, extremely small to nil, so if you stay, you have to be willing to accept infidelity. Can you continue on with this? HOw does it make you feel? Are you getting any respect and love from him, or is the affection one-sided?

Answering these questions is the most important thing to do at the moment, IMO. Try to do it without thinking about the consequences, until you are sure of the answer.

amber:
Thank you, I think by moving so far away, I have made my decision. I guess I am just so hurt and still in so much disbelief that I am still trying to make heads or tails of all of it. I feel blind that I couldn't see any of this for 7 years. I feel that I should have/could have seen something. I just feel so devastated and blind. 

rosie:
That's absolutely normal, and is part of the grieving process. If you let yourself grieve, then at some point you will come out on the other side, and be able to get on with your life. Keep on posting - people here are supportive, and know what it feels like.

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