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How do I help my mom?

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AmyMarie:
Hi everyone..I'm very new to this, but am sooo glad I found this site! It's very comforting to know that there are lots of others going through similar situations...So here is my story: My mother who is in her mid 50's, has recently become very paranoid. It all started about 2 yrs ago when she thought my step-dad was cheating, or trying to cheat on her via internet dating sites. There was no proof, however, she just assumed he was and that stared a lot of mistrust and arguing in their relationship..In those 2 yrs, she has been completely fine, other than the occasional remark about him cheating, or similar things..Recently however, she called me and said she wanted a divorce but he didn't want one. A week later, she called me and said she thought he was trying to poison her bc she saw 'white powdery stuff' on the dishes after they got out of the dishwasher. She stopped eating in her kitchen, only eats or drinks things she buys herself from the gas station down the road. She called the police and they came to inspect the glasses and told her it wasn't a powdery substance, but appeared to be water spots. This weekend I decided to go up there bc I could hear in her voice that she was very upset and obviously not taking care of herself. She said she thought the cops were all against her bc the police report made her sound paranoid, but that she knows it's not in her head. I saw the glasses, which looked like normal water spots to me. She got really defensive when I said that and I calmed her down, but then she went on about how he's trying to kill her bc of life insurance policy, and that he probably is friends with the cops and they all are against her. I told her it sounds like situational paranoia and that if she came down to my house to stay a week or so to get away from him(the situation) that her level of paranoia would decrease greatly, but she said she couldn't "think" if she did that and that she needed to be alone in her room. i told her i felt her thinking way too much was part of the problem. That angered her. I have 5 children, and she has always came down each time I went in to labor, and came to see the baby. I just had my 5th child a month ago and she hasn't even asked about her, or the other children. She seems to think my stepdad is saying things with hidden meaning, and will ask me "why would he say that?" when I don't see anything wrong with what he said...And now she thinks he is doing it all to make her "seem crazy" so that when they get divorced she won't get anything. i told her I didn't feel that he was doing things intentional, nor does anyone else. She has completely isolated herself, and in the 12 years they have been married, only was social when she went to bowling, which she no longer does. She just informed me she thinks the phone is being bugged and he has recordings of her...She has always thought others were "against" her in some way. Looking back, the only other instance of paranoia would be with her ex when she thought he was trying to kill her bc we had a carbon monoxide leak. I need to know what to do here. She's my mom, my choldrens grandma and we all love her very much, and it hurts us to see her go through this. She told me to 'guard her drink' when we went to McDonald's, bc she though my stepdad may put 'crushed pills' in it. I told her to get a blood test from the dr to put her mind at ease, but she has yet to go. I don't want to do an involuntary admit, bc then she will probably think I am against her as well, but I have read all about Paranoid Personality disorder and this is her to a tee. She even questions why my stepdad looks a certain way if he makes any kind of facial expression. Should an intervention be done? What should I do? I figured since it was just my stepdad she's scared of, (ie not thinking the mailman is a spy or something) then if she got away from him for a while she'd be better. She says she doesn't want to bc he could say she abandoned him and get everything in the divorce. I tried to reason with her and say it would only be for a few days, and that's not abandonment, and told her if she keeps living the way she is, things are only going to escalate and wouold she rather get half of everything in the divorce, or live in fear until then? Please help!! I'm willing to do whatever it takes. i want my mom, who used to call me at least 20 times a day(lol) back!! I am all she has, other than my stepdad, but she won't even talk to him. She looked horrible when i saw her, she was shaking, crying, had lost weight, and had huge bags under her eyes from not sleeping. Please let me know what I need to do. Thanks so much for taking the time to read this.

Varja:
Welcome, AmyMarie . . .

Really sorry to hear about your Mom's situation, and I think there is cause for concern in her behaviors. Sorry about the impact they're having on you, too.

Up front - it's certainly not your responsibility to intervene in her life. If you desire to help her into treatment, then probably the best thing you might do is to contact the nearest Social Services/Mental Health agency and check-in with them regarding strategies and methods for intervention.

Meanwhile, I'd recommend you explore the site, and check out the Toolbox, too. There's plenty of information there that might make coping with this situation somewhat easier. Check out the message threads, and don't hesitate to either join a discussion, or start your own message thread.

Glad you're here.

 

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