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letting go of ex BPD girlfriend

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dontdoit:
First of all, id like to say that this a great site this is.

Please bear with me its the first time ive posted on this forum, I just need a place to vent my fustration. A year ago, I divorced my wife, we just wanted different things and it wasnt working, the final straw was meeting another girl.

At the time I knew this other girl has been diagnosed as BPD, shed lived overseas and had come back as she'd had an abusive relationship, and she was a long term friend of mine. I was the person she came to for some time out when she returned back home.

At first things were great between us, she was quite stable then, enjoyed a laugh and a joke, we loved each others company, and loved being with each other every moment we had spare. It was like I wanted to pause time, and just live in that moment forever.  Unfotunatly, after some time passed - I am not sure what happened but gradually she disconnected, became flippant, if Id written down a phone number would accuse me of stuff I wouldnt dream of doing. Some of the fights were not nice, resulted in her getting voilent, saying hurtful things, for example she start to talk about times with prevoius boyfriends and how she enjoyed sex with them. Eventually after 3 months things would always break down to a point of breaking up, and she would do something like cut herself and shut herself off completely. Friends she had, she would never reply to, she would completely inwards.

This has now happened 3 times, everytime we break up, 2 months later spontasnoiusly there is a phone call. She will start the call by saying "Hello, its me!" just expecting to leave off from where it last finished. Prevoiusly the last 2 times this happened, I was so relieved to hear from her, we instanntly meet up and the same cycle would happen.  But everytime it would be worse, becuase she would accuse me of cheating or pry into who ive been seeing whilst we had a break from each other.

We broke up again 3 weeks ago, and I found it very difficult to let go, I thought of her every day, hoping she would be ok, i sent her a couple of txts, which have been ignored, shes made it clear its over.. No doubt there will be contact again.  I dont want this again! but there is still a part of me, that will be tempted accept the contact when she does.  I have always been very attracted to her, she is very charming, but on the inside I know what will happen again.

People around me have had dealings with her, one of them also say that she is sociopathic, shes even admitted to me she is a Narcissist herself.

In the meantime, ive done stuff like join a gym, finding new hobbies and paying off my credit card, slowly by slowly rebuilding my life.  I am still hurt at the way she left me, but i just need to leave this all behind and move on, it totally amazes me, that I spent years with my wife, and this girl cuased me so much more pain than her..

I admit I am really confused in my own mind, I know it makes no sense me txting her those few times, if I didnt want her back.  Do people get addicted to these relationships, I know that only bad can come of this. Its so easy to remember the 10% of the good times I had with her, 90% of the other times were hell. I feel so confused thinking like this..

Sorry for rambling, it just helps.

Varja:
Welcome, dontdoit . . .

Sorry to hear about your failed relationship and the struggle you're having letting-go. Relationships with people afflicted with PD's can be very difficult to understand and often cause us to begin second-guessing ourselves.

Be sure to check out the toolbox, because there is lots of information there that can help you begin making-sense of your experience in the broader context of personality disorders.

Don't hesitate to jump into an ongoing discussion, or start a thread of your own whenever you're ready.

Glad you're here.

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