Coping with Personality Disorders > Chosen Relationships
Social Isolation
Holly:
All the things written here by various people are awesome advice!!! Yup, you are not alone at all. It's best to move forward and not let yourself sink into nothingness with others. I know it is hard. I have faced similar things with friends.
I feel for you! Once our hearts are broken, it's hard to put them back in place and trust others. I sure do get that one! You feel like you are walking on quicksand. Trust is a very hard virtue to come by in these days.
I guess what I do is just skim the surface with most people and have a few people I really trust. Other than that, I don't make a big effort in really connecting with others unless they show a sign that there could be something more. If they seem like a giver like me, I will connect. I am tired of takers, so watch whom you trust and give to again.
However, we have to just let people be people with all their imperfections too. So, I can take a bit of anyone, as long as they don't get in my life and mess with it. I am sorry you had to face someone close breaking your trust. I will be saying lots of prayers for you, lookingfortools. My heart goes out to you!
I know I pick up guilt trips from others too. Why must we feel bad? It's their agenda to thrust their ill good on us, not ours! So, remember when someone is making you feel bad, it's their projection! It's their way of making herself or himself look good or feel good since they don't feel really good as they really are. For some reason, they are playing a trip on you. Try to see behind the mask. Often,
that person has something going on in them that makes them do that. A true friend, lover or family member wouldn't do that.
You sound really nice and quite the person!
Sending love and light,
Holly :bighug: :kisscheek:
lookingfortools:
Ohhhh....I have my faults let me tell you....but I know I am also a good person....and I cannot find that person or that happiness right now....
struggling through the past 3 hours of not being able to move - (wait I did do some laundry!!!!!)....
I was so good at my academics and keeping fit - and right now i have not finished one research paper now in two years - if I want to save my degree and my program (i returned to do school as an adult) - I need to complete by Aug 30...it is difficult theory I have to wrap my head around...I used to love it - like a addictive hobby - today I see the books sit gathering dust...
I have to keep going - took my anxiety meds this morning (and I am now also on anti-depressants) - I want so much to take hold of this day and enjoy it....
Thank you for everything....
Again...and hugs back to you all....
LFT
lookingfortools:
Ouch.
Just got a nice kick in the pants that actually really hurt....
I came into this relationship a very hard worker - ran my own business back home (construction industry) - planned on starting the same business here at my new home....instead got sucked into all I have spoken about in my previous posts....
my girlfriend has a very large income every month...and is given a vacation allowance - for she and her son....she does not have to work a day in her life....this is NOT my reality and she knew it....
I know I cannot go on this vacation with them because I HAVEN't the same cashflow - I can barely keep my head above water...and I have PAID FOR EVERYTHING being the gentle person that I am....(also not knowing her large allowance amount - only being told she was running out of money all the time)....
So...30 minutes ago...i get a message - as that states "I cannot afford to waste my time making money"....this one hurt....
and I don't know what to do with that hurt....everything in me wants to let go. and i don't know how.
reclaimingme:
1 you did the right things typing and venting here as strange as it seems that gets some of it out of your system
2 don't respond - as much as you want to defend it don't - it is a strategy for engaging you to feed her needs.
Got a zinger from my ex the other day saying I was causing significant psychological damage to our adult children (talk about projection and I have a lot of evidence to the contrary) and it upset me heaps after me being so strong for ages, but after 24 hours, some legal advice, writing here and time to digest I can actually laugh at the absurdity of what he wrote.
She has just given you ammunition to prove how unusual her behavior is.
so
3 still don't respond. Journal get fresh air anything - you are in construction - go and build something - I found physical exercise helped - pound something, cut something it helps lessen some of the feelings. Hard as it is to ignore you are seeing a boundary by not retaliating and responding (did you in the past - i did...) , and that gets her thinking - hey this used to work in the past and it isn't now.
As much as she has to learn that you are setting boundaries you will have to get used to and start getting on top of the feelings that occur when we read stuff like that, and control the urge to respond and defend ourselves.
It does get easier with time but just takes practice and you can do it. This is about protecting yourself - and defending yourself to her is playing her game, not setting the ground rules about normal behavior.
*hugs*
lookingfortools:
i slept most of the day...this one took my legs out from under me....
it is stifling hot - going to shower and think of what to do next....
go for a walk with my dog...catch some fresh air....
thank you for all your support and advise...
lft
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