Coping with Personality Disorders > Chosen Relationships

Social Isolation

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Darwinshadow:
On a practical note: ones income is ones major resource and sustainable self. Your SO has this sorted period, hence can afford as much cycling as comes along. You, due cycling, will damage income potential, as you know and have been hit by already, plus become reliant on someone who cycles due them holding all the cards of finance. You are in a situation where your SO gets total power over you - a mini government over you. You become the abused who must ask for more abuse just to keep surviving, or take the hard leap into a place needing lots of energy - with the little you have left (another feeling the climb is too hard to succeed at). Life is trapped in a gully. Each way out is a hard climb whilst waiting on keeps getting you all washed out.

The thing is, the route with some ledges is covered in slime: you know you comin' back. The longer you leave it the more both ways seem to lead you back here.

I think this is the bag of tricks none of us expected or you'd never have gotten here in the first place.

lookingfortools:
Darwin....

You hit the proverbial nail on the head.

Some way some how....I have to start that climb...

One of the MAIN reasons why I chose to live on my own - and NOT get caught in the other cycle whereby my SO holds the financial cards is that I am aware of the loss of that power....NOW having said that the psychological cycle I am running in broke me down financially - between this and physical being (my little fetish is working out) I NEED to somehow face the demons and climb that slimy slippery slope....Today I commit to something very small - going to get the lights replaced I need on my truck (believe it or not going to the dealership paralyzed me...), and I will go and get the hose for my washing machine I need at the same time....

I will commit to somehow not wasting this day sleeping - I have a dog whom will love the lake nearby...

Monday's plan we be made Monday - I would LIKE to return to start working out....

I just want to start to smile and laugh again -

lft

reclaimingme:
You will - and your first steps are good ones.

Set a few goals for the day, but don't beat yourself up about them either.

I set some big goals on a piece of paper - things that I wanted to achieve getting out - and so I tried to do something towards those goals every day - even if it was something small like taking out the trash or cleaning out a drawer.  And then it became easier as I was building my new life...I didn't look at the big list for some months but as an end of year thing (and what a year it was) I looked at the list and found I had achieved everyone!  Those goals were sitting in the back of my head.

So I have set more, and they are bigger and grander - you too will move from the hour to hour to day to day and beyond.

Keep on moving forward.

lookingfortools:
Good Morning,

Sometimes these people just know how to keep the pain dripping from our veins.

I have been working so hard to get myself in real contacts with more human beings....and having the courage to tell my girlfriend that I spoke with so and so...my major point of contact for the past year and 16 days has been the local convenience store where I get coffee everyday - one for my girlfriend, one for me...and the people there, the regulars came to know me and I them...I am inherently a friendly happy soul that enjoys others...so it is easy for me to say hello and smile...

On tuesday one fella in particular said hello - I talked a bit with him - he was getting ready for vacation - asking me about my plans etc...I found out he had a couple of sons - one is the age of my girlfriends son...he and I spoke about the possibility of getting together for a BBQ in the next couple of weeks - I thought it was a great idea - and he would also "get to meet my girlfriend." He gave me his phone number - I proceeded to my girlfriends house with her early morning coffee - and I told her about this...with a brave smile and excitement - I have not done anything with anyone for over a year now - that store is my only point of contact with any other human being outside of my therapist....

She seemed ok at first - THEN last night the texts started - the long and short of it...she called me a liar because NO ONE interacts that way in a convenience store with other people....phone numbers do not get passed and now she is sick of my lies...

She is to leave on vacation tomorrow (maybe) with her son....she is concerned I will call him...

I cut off all contact last night when I received this series of text - I said "thank you for the beautiful evening" (we did have a nice evening with her son and her mother). I told her I was "grateful for that time with them".

I also told her that I would not respond to any further text and that I was profoundly hurt....

And I went to bed...it took me forever to fall alseep because the ache and the anxiety - she cannot isolate me any further then i already am....I eventually took an anxiety med and fell asleep.

I woke this morning with tears streaming down my face...I am profoundly sad....and exhausted...no human being was made for this...and I am so in love with her (or what I think is her) - i do not like this confusion.

seems one step forward - a billion back...

LFT

seaweed:
Ouch . . .   

I remember in the beginning I was in a situation like yours, I tried but couldnt pry myself out, ended up marrying and having kids with her.

I'm way socially isolated because of the constant pressure to drop my friends and family, and the lies like "they said this and that about you . . . "

Now I really know what it is to be completely alone, a couple decades later in my 50's.

Not supposed to give advice here, but I guess I'm saying please don't end up like me.  You deserve better.

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