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Committed to Working On It / Re: New and question about my SO Cont'd..
« Last post by Rainstorm on Yesterday at 10:23:50 PM »
It's crazy when adults act like children with all their antics.  :stars: I hope you get your page situation figured out.
Dealing with PD Parents / Re: TV shows that you related to as a kid in PD land
« Last post by Rhode on Yesterday at 10:17:27 PM »
This sounds crazy, but I thought my family was as close to perfect as you can get.  So it was the more normal families--the ones who got along and who loved each other very much--that I felt the closest to.
Dealing with PD Parents / Re: Is my behavior turning abusive?
« Last post by Rhode on Yesterday at 10:14:16 PM »
Yesterday though, the cycle of what happens if I don't let her break boundaries continued. She was gone, but she had spoken to my dad in private and got him to approach me. He told me how my mom felt like I was giving her the cold shoulder and how it was really hurting her. He then began to tell me I needed to be kinder, warmer and more heartfelt towards her.

I stopped him, and had a very mature conversation with him about all that is going on, and how I'm trying to establish firm boundaries so I can stay mentally healthy. What makes it difficult though is that no one else in the family realizes that my mom isn't mentally healthy, that her behavior is disordered, nor that she is unintentionally emotionally abusive.

I had something similar happen to me!  My dad came and talked to me to be nicer to my uBPDmom following a misunderstanding between her and me.  I stood my ground and explained to him what happened and I told him that I was not apologizing because I had done nothing wrong.  That was it; no one talked about it again, so I guess all was well.

But I understand the struggles of living under the same roof as the PD parent.  It really isn't easy to set boundaries even though you really need to do it.  Do you have a therapist you work with?  You can always talk to the therapist to determine what would be health, non-abusive boundaries to set between you and your parents.
I grew up in Wonderland, where nothing made sense, everyone was mad. I routinely was sentenced to have my head cut off, attended mad tea parties, and crocket games that were rigged. Winning was against the rules.
I really like this explanation.  It illustrates the chaos without going into the grittier side of things.  Thank you for sharing.
Dealing with PD Parents / Re: What do I do with the blood money?
« Last post by Rhode on Yesterday at 10:06:41 PM »
I have two suggestions:

1. If she did not actually state that the money is for you to visit her, cash the check and in your thank-you note write something like 'thanks for the money.  we're going to use it to repaint our house' or something nice and non-offensive.  Then if she doesn't want you to use the money like that in the future, she will either state it directly or stop sending it to you.  If she continues to send you money like now, then you know that you can continue to cash the checks for whatever purchase.

2.  If she did state that the money is for you to visit her, reply that unfortunately due to school/work/kids/non-financial-related-things, you can't come this year.  If she has a problem with it, she can have the money back.
Dealing with PD Parents / Re: She doesn't care about a stressful life event
« Last post by Rhode on Yesterday at 10:00:11 PM »
Thanks for the replies.  Sometimes I'm so confused about it all, and it's nice to know I have support here with you.
Dealing with PD Parents / What Was the Emotional Abuse?
« Last post by Rhode on Yesterday at 09:57:51 PM »
This is a bit of an intrusive topic so please disregard if it offends you.

I just want to hear your stories of emotional abuse because people (in general, not limited to this forum) talk primarily about physical and sexual abuse and often gloss over the emotional abuse as though it's not as important.  But it is.  But its not as easy to find personal statements about it, so I wanted to know more about people's experiences.

I'm not sure if I was abused emotionally.  At least, I'm having a hard time wrapping my brain around it because my uBPDmom wasn't really that bad in the grand scheme of things.
Committed to Working On It / Re: New and question about my SO Cont'd..
« Last post by Bre71 on Yesterday at 09:39:57 PM »
 Yeah it's hard not to deal with the Facebook crap. So  unbelievable and  so stupid to have that much power,  It has the ability to screw with  personalities and their psyches..

 I'm so fed up with the crap.

my friend texted me tonight and said that he thinks that she deleted the specific role and taking our admin page off, said I would get angry  enough to call her because she's doesn't want to show weakness in calling me. 
Working on Us / How to reclaim/rebuild what they broke...
« Last post by Oneness on Yesterday at 09:12:14 PM »
Of all the abuse my unBPD exSO inflicted on me, the emotional abuse was the worst. I had always been pretty self confident, and secure that I was attractive and desirable. Then he put me through a year and a half of devaluation, when I was still madly, passionately, deeply in love with him...and in the FOG. He chased other women in front of me, he devalued me to others, he was cold and with held sex. When he did a 180 and suddenly was madly in love with me, wanted me, etc., he did not understand why I did not just snap back and feel the same way I did about him before he devalued me. Truth was...he broke me on a deep level.

Recently I lost a lot of weight...last time I was this weight was when I was with him, years ago....when he broke me. I don't think my self confidence will ever come back...I am haunted by my past with him. This wound has never healed...

Anyone know how I can heal?
I was, and still am the SG---when I was very young I thought I didn't want kids, but ended up having first child in early 20's.....the very best thing I ever did.....the closeness and love I experienced was so healing and to this day, we are extremely close....I have 3 kids altogether (all adults now) and I think my kids would all agree that I am a very, very good Mom......The only side effect of my childhood is that I am extremely protective of my kids....even now, I still am, even though they are adults.....I'm pretty sure if some hurt one of them I could kill.....
I think after I had kids I became even more angry with FOO because I realized how screwed up my parents were....I'm happy that I seem to have broken the cycle with my kids...
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