« Last post by lisamarie on Yesterday at 11:06:23 PM »
When you are in the midst of this situation, you feel like no one could possibly have experienced this, and no one will care or know what you are feeling, but they do. For some reason, I decided to go here tonight, hitting a rough patch as well, as we all know too well, debating if I should or not, but so glad I did. My uncle, at the age of 29 did just what your brother did, and if I knew now what I didn't know then, well, a lot of questions would have been answered. But really, it's not our journey to know their journey. Does it suck? of course. Is life unfair and relentlessly cruel and ridiculous? of course. But I believe we aren't here to try and figure it out. When my uncle killed himself with a shotgun to his head, my grandmother, his mother, said "why would he do that?" My response, "he wasn't who you thought he was. he was in so much pain, there wasn't a choice for him. The son you knew, wasn't him when he did this. He didn't' even know who he was." I don't know what else to say other than the brother you knew, was in so much pain, that he didn't think he had a choice. It wasn't against you. I don't know your family dynamics, but please know, that for those of us who have lived this reality, we all have had "collateral damage" and it is a difficult thing to wrap our minds around. 'This event is the ultimate tragedy of mental health gone untreated, mistreated, whatever, or the fall out of others. Just know that you are not alone in this scenario. Thank you for being a part of this community. I am grateful for it as well. My heart and prayers go out to you and your family. Suicide never, ever, goes away for those left behind.