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91
Thanks for your feedback Fiasco and S&B.

I keep fighting to find a "why"--why do I feel this way?? And I do think the invalidation I wrote about is huge.

I also think I'm scared that I am displaying unhealthy behavior (why does this scare me?!? Perhaps because it makes me not all that different from PDdad...). If I were healthier mentally would I be able to enjoy being around sis and mom when they act fine? I keep wanting to identify all the "unhealthy behaviors/fleas" in me and chip away and chip away...is this one of them?

This may be a case of there is no way around feeling this way and I need to accept that and move on. I don't want to go NC with them and think I may feel worse doing that. I don't want to let my guard down around them as they are in PDdad's court and I don't trust them. So I choose to be around them and be on guard which is exhausting and uncomfortable and leaves me emotionally drained.

Perhaps I am "just" overanalyzing and driving myself nuts for no reason and I need to tell myself "F*&$ it! It is what it is" focus on the good in my life and move on! Maybe there isn't a "healthier" option to this. Or maybe there is and I just haven't figured it out yet and I need to be patient with myself and stop freaking myself out.
93
Board Information & Questions / Re: change username
« Last post by xredshoesx on Today at 08:59:13 AM »
it's super easy


Just log in and change your Profile Name under Profile Account settings. The public will only see the new name and your user name and password will remain the same.

i'm moving your post to the questions section so the information can help others as well.  let me or one of the other mods/admins know if you have any more questions.
94
Hi Feliciastoppeddancing,
I also suggest talking to an attorney.  See what he/she suggests.  You may have a messy divorce, but end up eventually coming out of it with your home sold successfully and your credit intact. 
Good luck!
95
Dealing with PD In-Laws / Re: What kind of a MIL asks this ?
« Last post by Wendy Darling on Today at 08:54:32 AM »
Mine hasn't said anything about our sex lives, thank gawd. That is pretty much the only thing she hasn't tried to directly stick her nose into, though.
96
Dealing with PD In-Laws / Re: NMIL just will not except NC
« Last post by Wendy Darling on Today at 08:50:24 AM »
My MIL has tried to do this on my birthday. She wanted us to come over to their house to celebrate my birthday there, all day long. Which I always refused to do, because there was no way my birthday was going to be about her/them and them wanting my DH to help them with their computers or us listening to what they've spent money on since the last time we saw them, and how fine those things are.

I didn't hear a peep from them on my last birthday, though. Maybe they've given up.
97
Dealing with PD In-Laws / Re: Petty Excess
« Last post by Wendy Darling on Today at 08:46:41 AM »
My in-laws are INSANELY materialistic. They really want to be seen as rich, except they're not. So they buy knock-offs and try to persuade everyone that it's the real thing and brag about it. They will also buy knock-offs for Christmas presents, and such. All that stuff usually breaks the first time we try to use it. Then they will ask us later how we like the gifts, and we will tell them they they fell apart, and then they will pretend to be surprised because they were oh so expensive.

They're not the brightest bulbs...
98
Common Behaviors / R.I.P.
« Last post by ILoveMyself on Today at 08:39:32 AM »
Not too long ago someone asked would anyone go to their exN funeral?! The answer is very simple ABSOLUTELY NOT! I have no desire whatsoever. Why pay my respects to a person who had no respect for human beings! My exN is already R.I.P. (mentally) the day I walked away bravely. There weren't any good memories to ponder on, so it has been easy for me to move on quickly. Many said, I hope the NARC rots in hell which is a bit extreme but that is the anger talking, although the hurt and pain is very real, there will be a day when they will pay for everything they have done. You must think outside the box and see the bigger picture for what it is. I think of my exN at times, but not enough to constantly ponder until it becomes full blown and takes over every fiber of my being. You must shift gears when that takes place. Letting go equals LIBERATION and hanging on equals PAIN! Everyone who experienced being with a NARC already knows there will never be a happy ending or any closure. We all are our happy ending. Every ending has a new beginning without them. Learn to love yourself again and capture the essence that was once lost.
99
Common Behaviors / THE SURVIVAL KIT
« Last post by ILoveMyself on Today at 08:35:24 AM »
Now that we all know what the N is pretty capable of doing to his victims, we now have the upper hand to change these venomous patterns from within. For every action, there's a reaction. We cannot allow these NARCS to taint our well being and also tough love is required at times. It is not easy swallowing cod liver oil, but afterwards it is quite a soothing coat. On a daily basis we should always have a mental survival kit. In the event if by chance the N just happens to pop up, this time around we will be better equipped. No more excuses shoulda, woulda, coulda. If you want to see positive results, you must put in the work period. To whom much is given, much is required! I am so grateful that I am in a different place in my life mentally. It is amazing when we follow suit, the fog disappears and our normal behavior is once again restored and rejuvenated. I never blocked my exN, I simply changed my number and email address. How about that for making a BOLD move and never looking back! I am very serious about my recovery. And as a result, I could not be happier. It is so liberating for our mental being. It is basically a mental laxative to flush all of the poison out of our system!
100
Thanks for your rational responses to my fear-driven post,  Kayjewel amd HotCocoa.
I don't really want to walk away from my financial issues,  just my crazy-making H. But I do not know how one divorces and sells a jointly-owned home from out of state.
In the years we've been together,  I've had all domestic duties assigned to me, and i have done a lot of work to our house. Brick work, irrigation, tiling, etc. I worry that all of that will be for nothing if i leave my H in the house and file from out of state. He'd have plenty of time to ruin my improvements.
As for the cc debt, i will pay it off. I had to do the same thing as a young adult. . . My mother stole my identity to keep her purchases hidden from my dad and when she died, i was faced with bad credit and difficulties renting because of her choices. My current situation is much worse than that was, I suppose.
I think i'm looking for stories about getting far away and being able to handle all these legal details from another state. Divorcing will take longer if I leave, and selling the house from out of state seems risky due to uNh's track record of sabotage and revenge. But my friend is offering me a place for at least 18 months, and she thinks the sooner i leave,  the sooner i can get all of these issues handled.
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