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Wow gagbjttmzb7! You are totally awesome. I bow down to you.
Board Information & Questions / Re: New Moderators & Admin
« Last post by neveragain on Yesterday at 06:09:19 PM »
Thank you for all your hard work and dedication to keep this forum running. I don't think there is as much help to be found anywhere else. This is the real deal, thanks to each of you!
QBE I'm sorry and it's such an awful feeling when our world starts feeling like its closing in on us.
:cloud9: bringing my blanket too :hug:
Chosen Relationships / In LIMBO for now….
« Last post by healingnow on Yesterday at 06:04:23 PM »
Just feeling so lost today.  My Unpdh and I have decided that our marriage is pretty much over. I am trying to get a job this fall to make the transition smoother for both of us.  We haven't said a word about it to our DD yet since we don't have a definite date set.

So if anyone could give me some advice on how they remained somewhat sane while living with your spouse and knowing that it is ending soon, that would be helpful.

After hoping and praying for so many years for this to work, it just feels so weird to even type this, that it's not ever going to.

My Unpdh went from always telling me he'd change.  Until I finally woke up and realized he can't.  Now he's just going through the motions without any emotions at all. It is truly a bizarre thing to go through and I keep going over and over the past and feeling like my whole marriage was a lie.
Separating & Divorcing / Re: Time flies!
« Last post by headinblender on Yesterday at 06:02:05 PM »
HS   Isn't that just the greatest thing - not feeling sick to your stomach on the way home because you don't know what kind of kaleidoscope mood he'll be in?!

Good, good, good for you!
Unchosen Relationships / Re: words hurt
« Last post by gary on Yesterday at 05:48:04 PM »
gary, you always have wisdom to share here. Thank you for that. ~water

Hi water..

Sure..put the pressure of expectations on me...LOL ;)..thanks ....not all words hurt do they ...they can also heal;) ..You just did some.

And they take such little effort. Positive words can be like a jack hammer braking up the concrete
I wrote about this in "working on us" too.  I've already got a NPD mother who I've accepted is not well and have given up on and don't see so much....but now I'm getting offside with dad.  Everyone knows that he's difficult, it seems like I still won't accept it.  He snapped at me the other day and I sent him a barrage of emails wanting to know why he was irritated with me.  That was a bit weird of me - I get a bit manic.  But it upset me a lot, I get caught off guard when he's like that when he suddenly snaps at me.  (Is this why I've grown up hyper-vigilant about people getting annoyed with me?) He's so temperamental.  I wanted to know WHY for once, why did he have to be rude to me?    Normally I'd never try to ask why he gets so irritable.  It turns out he was irritated with me over something quite small. 

It makes me sad because here I am getting angry with him and causing a problem with him when I could just brush it off.  I mean that's dad, that's the way he's always been.  He's never going to change.  It makes me sad because he DOES care and here I am ruining things.  Then of course I had a go at him about something else we had argued about, when we were buying a car for me and he was very difficult about it.  I just wanted some answers from him.  I wanted to be listened to.  But what's the point?  I'm still wanting the daddy I really hoped for.

We are so far apart, it's sad.  He gets so frustrated with me and vice versa.  Like he's so frustrated with me seeing this Freudian type therapist who I think is great when he's all about doing something!  Take some new pills, get a new therapist!  What's all this nonsense about feelings?  You know...
Chosen Relationships / Re: Cookies
« Last post by Under a Rock on Yesterday at 05:41:25 PM »
PD's are very ME ME MEEEEEEE type of people, they always want to be viewed as 'the nice guy', the hero etc, their acts of kindness are not genuine or for free! It's a "I did/said a nice thing for you, you owe me your obedience/compliance/worshiping now".

PD's also feel extremely threatened by other peoples successes, so they do their best to sabotage your efforts to gain your full attention and obedience back, they will go to any lengths and use every tactic under the sun to get you to fail.

Also, they thrive on reactions. IF you can, try not to react to his attempts to throw you off (don't worry, i seriously get how hard and unfair that can be, and I've slipped many times and let BPD 'win') but if you keep in mind that they are PURPOSELY trying to coax you into a fight, it can make it easier not to get drawn in by them, imagine a boxer in the ring with no one to fight with, they'd get bored and leave. But be prepared PD WILL be back with another tactic (helpless, victim, sick/pain, work/social drama etc)

Unchosen Relationships / Re: Think I might be ready for NC
« Last post by VividImagination on Yesterday at 05:40:30 PM »
Hi lydde and welcome.

I totally understand where you are coming from in your story. My NM has undiagnosed NPD with BPD traits and sociopath tendencies. She's a piece of work, in other words. I went LC for about a month after some extreme smearing and lies, then took it NC when LC made her behavior escalate severely. I've been NC now for over two years, and it's been quite a rollercoaster ride.

I agree with flee on the violence aspect. I was severely physically and emotionally abused by NM as a child and saw those patterns begin to emerge with my children as well when they were around her. That was enough to stop me cold in my tracks. Once an abuser, always an abuser...she continues to abuse others to this day even despite legal ramifications.

You have the gift of distance - use it to your advantage. I was actually employed by my PD when I cut contact and still live in the same town. We even continued to attend the same church for a year. Maintain radio silence for awhile and you will be amazed at the level of vitriol you will probably begin to witness - a PD's truest colors often emerge when you ignore them.
Separating & Divorcing / Re: Well...he's gone...
« Last post by healingnow on Yesterday at 05:38:10 PM »

I'm sorry that you are feeling sad. I agree with Corky, be selfish for you and your daughter. You both deserve to have peace in your hearts and home.

I would like to do what you are doing, but having to finally deal with the end of my marriage and sadness is what's stopping  me.

Stay strong and keep us posted on your healing process. Sending you support and hugs!!

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