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91
One hell of a story, daisy girl.  So glad you have broken free.
92
I 2nd the motion for therapy for yourself.  This has helped me enormously in the last several months and I plan to continue as long as my insurance plan will cover it.  One caveat would be to search out someone who has specific (not just book but actual hands on) knowledge of PDs (BPD and NPD are closely related).  I saw a few counselors over the years while putting out fires with now dxNPDh and none of it was helpful because no one figured out what I was actually dealing with.  My T worked with PDs in her practice in the past and when I tell her what has happened, she knows exactly what I am talking about.  No need to explain or try to get her to understand.  She fills in the blanks for me.  She has been a great source of information about NPD as well as helping to find other sources of support for this so when therapy ends, my support doesn't. 

Having someone to unburden with who can help focus us on what we need to do to make our own lives better is invaluable.  PDH may continue to question, etc., but you will be stronger in yourself and able to respond rather than react to his antics.  Just MHO.
93
Common Behaviors / Re: control. what is the purpose?
« Last post by bruceli on Yesterday at 04:04:00 PM »
what about when what they say to hurt you has some truth to it??

* i think thats the confusing part**

Example.... PD perspective....... " You incessantly look at other women and I find it soooo hurtful I have to leave you!"  Reality......" She asked for my order, I gave it, I smiled and said thank you."  Hope this helps.

94
Chosen Relationships / Re: Is it Bad to Enjoy the Hoover Stage
« Last post by Spence26 on Yesterday at 04:02:40 PM »
It's okay to enjoy it photoday.  Who wouldn't like being treated like a real person for a while.  However, the problem I would run into was if I let my guard down while I was enjoying it.  The Hoover would end with a SLAM!, here comes the PD I know and dread back again.  So if you can keep your guard up, please do so so you are prepared when the regular PD behavior returns. 
95
Chosen Relationships / Re: He's on the warpath
« Last post by weeblewobbled on Yesterday at 04:00:02 PM »
Oneness - I am so sorry that you PD has gone postal.  I am afraid of that very thing, and my counselor keeps telling me that everything he does is a reflection on him.  Not me.

Every call your PD makes, and email he sends makes him look like an utter loon.  I know it hurts, but keep telling yourself that everything he does, is one more shovel of dirt out of his own grave.

A normal person would accept the breakup, be sad and move on.  No calling bosses, or husbands.  Utter crazy.

Hang in there.  He will be locked up sooner than you think.  The police have to build their case to make sure it sticks.

 :yeahthat:
96
Common Behaviors / Re: control. what is the purpose?
« Last post by bruceli on Yesterday at 03:59:30 PM »
when you have a man that "controls", what exactly is the purpose? what void is being filled?

we as  receivers of the abuse have a human need for love, desire and compassion, resolutions of conflict, happiness, feeling safe.

what is the human need for NPDS? what is control? why?

..why withhold sex and romance? arent you withholding it from yourself also??

In my experience, they will shoot themselves in the foot to get their point (control) across.  In it right now btw.....
97
Chosen Relationships / Re: He's on the warpath
« Last post by Dory on Yesterday at 03:57:55 PM »
Oneness - I am so sorry that you PD has gone postal.  I am afraid of that very thing, and my counselor keeps telling me that everything he does is a reflection on him.  Not me.

Every call your PD makes, and email he sends makes him look like an utter loon.  I know it hurts, but keep telling yourself that everything he does, is one more shovel of dirt out of his own grave.

A normal person would accept the breakup, be sad and move on.  No calling bosses, or husbands.  Utter crazy.

Hang in there.  He will be locked up sooner than you think.  The police have to build their case to make sure it sticks.
98
Committed to Working On It / Re: Goodnight hug drama
« Last post by photoday32 on Yesterday at 03:56:41 PM »
That is a tough situation and one that sounds familiar. After getting kids to bed (by myself) I head to bed and say goodnight and his response is "thats it?"...I'm sorry did you also want an Eskimo kiss and a bear hug like the kids??? Do you also need a sip of milk and a night light?? It is never enough for him so I've stopped trying except to say goodnight.
99
Chosen Relationships / Re: Where Do You Draw the Line?
« Last post by Spence26 on Yesterday at 03:54:58 PM »
I confronted him then and rather than being totally sorry, part of it of the blame he threw on me and said that he thought that I didn't want him anymore after we had our first son (I had some mild PPD/anxiety) and so that's why he did it.  Not even a good reason, but like a dummy, I accepted that explanation at the time. 

Mine was good with the blame game, too, Desertgirl.  They are so good at projecting their guilt onto us.  I think I accepted so much of the blame because if it was MY fault he was acting out like this, then if I changed, he wouldn't do it again.  That just isn't true.  It is THEIR fault and they WILL continue to do it.  Don't be too hard on yourself.  These guys are good at what they do.  No one wants to think the person we love would blame us for something as terrible as making them be unfaithful to us, but they do it without batting an eye.  Blame is 1st nature with them.  You aren't at fault and you ARE NOT a dummy.  In fact, you rock!   :yourock:
100
Parenting / Re: Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde - Like a Light Switch
« Last post by Myrtlesmom on Yesterday at 03:50:08 PM »
  Glad your GD is safe Lovinlife.  And that you have come to terms with your son and his addiction and that you have let go. You have regained your life and that is something many of us are reaching towards.
Now onto the the Jekyll Hyde Life. I don't know how things have been going for Ms Twilight. I hope all is okay. My D is in happy land right now and claims she is mother of the year. oh a few swear words slip but she has been so nice and I hate it..  I don't like her.  I don't even like being near her.  But there is a new relationship a foot. This time with a felon of sorts. but this too will pass. He will somehow invalidate her. She sees this guy only at night somewhere across town. I set a boundary a long time ago (oh yay me) that I only allow two girl friends over. Old dear friends who are "aunts" to my GS. So the that budding relationship with the Felon is why there is carry over into our happy home. But no one buys it.  Except her son.
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