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Chosen Relationships / Re: Should I Believe Him?
« Last post by holymanna on Yesterday at 11:59:47 PM »
  To clarify he threatened me with calling the cops and lying to them that I hurt him when he was living with me. Since then, I have separated from him. Once we separated, he started attending a domestic battery intervention program.
Chosen Relationships / Re: Gaslighting daily...
« Last post by finally-free on Yesterday at 11:54:05 PM »
when I was with mine, I didn't know about this site
not until our last 2 weeks
and like HM stated, I would always rise to the bait
to the point of having a screaming match
being called a liar, cheater, jezebel, nazi, and all the other names he would call me
or sly remarks used to get me hurt or upset
I just couldn't back off
I felt that I had to defend my honor
so to speak
but I see now, that by doing that I was only accomplishing 2 things
causing him to believe I was guilty of what he accused me of
and giving him the attention/drama that he wanted
I can see now that he got some twisted joy out of our fights
at least now I know how to treat a PD

best of luck to you
I couldn't imagine mine for 24/7
the weekends were bad enough
Working on Us / Re: working on bringing back joy to the holiday season
« Last post by gary on Yesterday at 11:52:43 PM »
  I brake these Holidays ( where most aren't even on the right day anyway) down to a 24 hour period.

Like Christmas for example. It's a 24 hr day. Not the day before or the day after..Just Christmas day.

So if one does sleep the 8 hrs they are supposed to then I'm just looking at 16 hrs because I'm unconscious for 8 of them and don't even know I exist or anyone else exist for that matter.

Then if I have to travel ( I don't live with any one but me) then maybe that's 2 hrs anyway so now I have 14 hrs. I'm not going to stay anywhere probably for more than 6 hours so now I'm down to just 8. I may fall asleep for an hr after dinner so now I'm down to 7.

I know my life is differant than many being my child is grown and my mom and dad are dead but we can brake it down to just Christmas and not the months of it that WalMart wants it to be.

 I myself can go buy a cheap watch or buy some cookies and bury it in the ground or maybe better yet a card with want I want to say to him and look up at the sky drop to my knees and say, "Happy Birthday Jesus !"  Today is your birthday right and that's what Christmas is right..your birthday ?

  Crazy response I know and not all can take this approach...I do know how hard it can be...been there the other way  and that's how and why I have this approach.

Working on Us / Re: Can anyone interpret my dream?
« Last post by bonnieG on Yesterday at 11:47:06 PM »
OK...I love dreams and although I know it might mean something very different to you..personally- here goes.

You lost the son you knew and you are unable to trace how this happened-he's just gone.
The loss is horribly painful for you.

You still have deep maternal and instinctive needs to nurture and protect him-no matter his age.(the breast milk) and being unable to do so...the maternal urges are *wasted* by being expressed- but not fulfilling the intended purpose.(the milk goes on the ground)

The horrible implants that replaced  your normal breasts are the fake and plastic ways we ultimately must act to protect ourselves around a person with a PD. You end up replace warmth and nurturing with something that's more like a shield-serving not to nurture but to keep YOU at a safer distance.

To me this a grief stricken dream...from a Mother that loves her son very much and hates the distance that his Pd has produced. I am so sorry this has hurt you and yours so terribly.
Committed to Working On It / Re: Holidays, visit from the kids, or me?
« Last post by unsinkable on Yesterday at 11:43:19 PM »
Dear SunnyBlue,
This may sound harsh, but truly the kindest thing I can say to you is  GET OUT of this dysfunctional relationship. You have a short history with him and no children with him. Now that you know about his PD, and understand how difficult PD's are, why would you stay? If you need a place to stay maybe you can ask a friend to help you out for now.
The longer you stay in this, the harder it will be to get out. The longer you stay the more trauma you will suffer. Be wise, be strong and GET OUT.
All the best, and may God Bless you!! :bighug:
I agree with hhaw. You need to posture like you are trying to settle while knowing that you need to get a trial in front of a judge.

Try not to waste too much time on negotiations. My experience is that my NPD wife uses negotiations as N supply and as an opportunity to abuse me. She is most definitely not interested in reaching an agreement that she will sign.

Make a fair offer to your PD spouse and then just keep repeating that it's your best and final offer. Keep doing this all the way to the trial.
Chosen Relationships / Re: i honestly dont know what to think
« Last post by finally-free on Yesterday at 11:38:25 PM »
and honestly, I was scared that someone would tell me im wrong about him
he really did a number on my mind
and he knows all the right things to say
things that cause me to doubt not only my own feelings
but doubt what I have been through

psychological abuse really is a bitch!!!
Chosen Relationships / Re: i honestly dont know what to think
« Last post by finally-free on Yesterday at 11:35:21 PM »
there isn't a single thing this man does without a motive
after reading it, I almost broke down and cried
to top it off my grandmother passed away this morning
so I was in a rotten place to start
all I kept thinking was
ok, what's the end game
all I know is, there is absolutely no way I could go back to him
he caused too much pain
had he written something like this before, I would have run to him
but I think my eyes have finally opened to the truth
he would go right back to his old ways in less than a month
thanks for being here for me
I was really struggling with this today
Chosen Relationships / Re: No, no, no....I cannot do this anymore!!!!!
« Last post by seekingvision on Yesterday at 11:26:08 PM »

Imagining a revenge move or two.  Not doable, but imagining.

Collect garbage and clean up dog mess from living room. add this to chicken mess and the rest of the garbage.  Dump all bags out into his new car.  Then add the gas he wants you to put in it on top of garbage.  Did he ask for a smoke or a light by any chance?

In the mean time a less harmful and less apt to cause a rage until you are gone revenge.  Pop the rear seat bottom up and lay a glass soda bottle with grooves   against the bottom so it will roll back and forth, then put seat back in place.   The sound will drive him and his mechanics nuts until they figure it all out.    :bigwink:

This slob is doing everything he can to make your life miserable.

Just curious, how does he make the payments on the cars?  Are you completely free and clear of the new cars.  I hope so. 

This sounds just aweful.  I am sorry.  I hope you can escape sooner rather than later.
Dear nodramaplease,
It sounds like your PD has moments when he is willing to try being fair. If you want to advise him of your boundaries, maybe you could have them written up in advance, and when he is in the right frame of mind get him to read them, agree to them, and sign the paper. Then, if he conveniently forgets all about them, you have the agreement in writing, signed by him. All the best with everything. :bighug:
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