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91
Hi punkin62,

He doesn't have to be diagnosed for you to use the forum.  They is a specific forum for called chosen but you this is definitely the place to start.  I am still knew but I have found this site so useful for me.  I am here because of someone who has been diagnosed but I have read many post from people here because of undiagnosed PDs in their lives.  I think they just put a u in front of PD something if they are suspicious but there is no diagnoses.

I think the JADE thing applies to your situation.  I forgot already what it stands for but you may not get very far explaining to him his behaviours because they usually don't take that very well.  Anyways, when I first landed here I had to constantly check out the acronyms to understand everything here.  You will also see a tab with guidelines which could be useful as well.

See you around.
92
The Welcome Mat / Re: Looking for advice
« Last post by confused13 on Yesterday at 07:22:03 PM »
Thank you for the response, justbreathe. I'd sure love to hear from some of the more experienced folks on this board. I just wanted to clarify something I said.

 "Iím not keeping enough track of our sonís assignments. Iím not making sure he gets enough sleep. He is doing MUCH better at dadís house."

These are the things that my ex SAYS are true. It is true that I do not micromanage my son's work. He is 15, has been handling his homework from the beginning, and doesn't need me to pull up his assignments and sit there next to him while he works. Even if he did need that, I cannot do it. I am busy nearly every moment of the day. His dad SAYS he does much better at his house. How he thinks he knows this, I'm not sure. The kid's grades are his grades, right? I ask my son every night if his homework is done, make him sit at the table before doing other stuff, etc. He lies, fidgets, sneaks looks at his cell phone (which his dad bought him against my wishes), etc. We do have different methods of dealing with our son's study difficulties. But my point is, I do not know whether or not it is true that our son is doing better with his work when he's at dad's house. I'm not sure how to separate out which portion of his grades to ascribe to which house?

Any advice/insight from anyone else?
93
Only a sec to type but wanted to say thayou so much, Blistex!!

Blessings....
94
Hi.  If you wish to amend your petition from legal separation to divorce you are allowed to one time only.

Also, please be prepared that even if you file for legal separation, your husband is allowed his response within 30 days - which can include a divorce.

And they are correct - a hornets nest is a great analogy.

Here is the Sac County link.  https://www.saccourt.ca.gov/family/divorce.aspx#amend 

Good luck!!
95
Separating & Divorcing / Re: Temporary Spousal & Child Support?
« Last post by Blistex on Yesterday at 07:16:58 PM »
Sorry.  There are 2 fees.  One for the petition and the second one for the request for order.

As far as qualifying for a fee waiver it is based on income. 
96
Dealing with PD Parents / Re: Are you a smiler or not?
« Last post by MotherMoon on Yesterday at 07:09:32 PM »
I guess I am a "trained" smiler.   Growing up, I was ever trying to be upbeat, positive, friendly... as these emotions made my mother happier.  However, she would still knock me down.  Ever since I was a child my Mom continually told me I didn't have a nice laugh... I cackled like a witch.  So, in public I also cultivated a genteel, pretty laugh.   Yeah.... it was fake as hell, but what child wouldn't do the same?

Then beauty school.  Where you are taught to smile constantly (it was even in our textbooks!) We even had to smile when talking into the phone.  Actually, it does help making your voice sound more cheerful.  I still do it out of habit.

Now, I am a professional artist.  I still use the 'constant' smile when I work in public.  After 50 years of it, it's ingrained.   But as for the laugh?  I don't monitor that anymore.  No one else in my life has EVER said I sound like a witch.   And if they did?  To hell with 'em.
97
Dealing with PD In-Laws / Re: Am I being oversensitive or am I justified?
« Last post by Stevie on Yesterday at 07:07:52 PM »
MF 2 - Spoiling is one thing.  As a grandmother I consider that a gift to myself.  However, there is spoiling and there are big, long strings from a pd, which is what it sounds like pd is doing.  I give my 5 grandchildren the same amount monetarily for special occasions.  Fortunately, my dd knows what little ones like, loves to shop, and I give her the same amount of money for each.  Very occasionally, I give a special amount to the oldest for specific occasions, proms, school trips, etc, when she lived with me.

If this outing actually happens between pd and dd4, is there any way you can also take dd9 for a special meal with you, and maybe pick up a $5.00 toy?  My dear granddaughter8 is in love with Shoppies, cute little groceries in purple bags.  I am not sure if I am reading your pd's actions properly, but it seems she really doesn't want the responsibility of dd 4.  Whenever outings are suggested, pd changes them to less and less time.  This feels to me she is not truly interested, but wants to make dd9 and you feel bad.  I hope you don't find his offensive, because my npd mother had no interest in my kids, and would only pretend to when she could get something out of it.  If all goes smooth, and this situation occurs again, perhaps with you giving dd9 a special treat at the same time, potential jealousy can be averted.  Four year olds can be a lot of work.  Is it possible it will be too much for pd, and she won't ask often?  Please keep us posted.
98
Dealing with PD Parents / Re: Are you a smiler or not?
« Last post by bonnieG on Yesterday at 07:06:30 PM »
After the verbal abuse escalated with my Exh2 and was linked to me looking happy and pleasant, I think I could smile if my feet were on fire. Ugh.
99
Hi Hopeful One.

I don't know of a specific attorney in Sacto but I do know most will offer free consulatations and you can ask them questions regarding their experience.

As far as retainers go, they will let you know the terms.  You can hire for full representation, just a portion of your case.  It really depends on your needs.

Generally the first retainer fee is upfront before they will begin working on the case.  As it is depleted they will want the retainer fee replenished.

Good luck!!  Also posted a couple of weblinks for CA for frequently asked questions.  Lots of paperwork to gather!  Best wishes.

From my other post:
I am in California and at the courthouse, there is free legal aid to assist in all of the steps from filing what forms ect.  The free legal aid cannot assist in legal advice but they are designed to help with all of the forms you need.  They are generally called the Family Law Facilitator and here is the CA link by county to find out location and hours.  http://www.courts.ca.gov/selfhelp-facilitators.htm

 Frequently asked questions on getting started with your case.  http://www.courts.ca.gov/selfhelp-divorce.htm
100
Separating & Divorcing / Re: Temporary Spousal & Child Support?
« Last post by Blistex on Yesterday at 07:00:34 PM »
Hi Hopeful One.

I am in California and at the courthouse, there is free legal aid to assist in all of the steps from filing what forms ect.  The free legal aid cannot assist in legal advice but they are designed to help with all of the forms you need.  They are generally called the Family Law Facilitator and here is the CA link by county to find out location and hours.  http://www.courts.ca.gov/selfhelp-facilitators.htm

You will need a Request for Order to go in front of a judge for the temporary spousal support and child support and whatever else you are asking for (they can all be on one form). 

As far as the fee waiver, it is all based on income. 

Here is a great link that the State of CA has created to help answer some questions with everything you are asking.  The paperwork will need to be served personally and I would recommend when serving him Legal Separation/Divorce/Nullity papers, the Request for Order asking for temp spousal support, child support ect along with your preliminary financials.  The local legal aid can help you with what paperwork needs to be filled out. 

http://www.courts.ca.gov/9050.htm

Good luck!!!
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