flower essence, what a good point, we still have peace in our homes. I know some days really stink and so it's good to remind yourself of the positive. Today I was making dinner and had my radio on and was having a really happy moment. I thought back, my ex used to shut off my music immediately. And any time I was happy he felt the need to do something to make me angry or sad-- it's like he couldn't stand to see me happy. So at least that is back in my control too!
I have a friend that is also divorcing a guy with NPD. Her guy has NPD and schizophrenia and it is really scary. He has been doing some crazy things and her kids are afraid to be with him. She stayed close to his family at first (even though they didn't understand why she was leaving him), but they have gotten really mean to her lately. Instead of accepting that he has a problem, they have instead focused on HER, insisting that his crazy behavior is all due to the fact that he is so upset about her leaving him! She wrote them a letter telling them that he acted that way all through their marriage (but of course they didn't see it-- it was behind closed doors!) and that he was mentally ill. Obviously they are really enabling him. I was proud of her for standing up to them and saying it like it is. It is so hard, though, isn't it? I can't have contact with anyone who isn't supportive, as painful as it is to be away from some loved ones, because I'm just not strong enough!
I too found out the hard way that the protective order and supervised visitation, instead of sending a message I wouldn't tolerate certain behavior, just made my ex get extra vindictive. I'm 90% sure my ex is insistent on extra time with the kids as a way of payback for that time and as a way of easing his narcissistic injury (he wants to prove that he was wronged to people who knew he had to be supervised when with his kids). It stinks. I agree.
You too, girl! Hang tough! You can do this! Email me every day if you need to if it helps!
Deb2, it is so disturbing when you find that out, isn't it? This person doesn't see me as a human being. I've decided that just because my ex doesn't see me as a human doesn't mean I have to see me that way. I can communicate my high regard for myself by how I stop allowing him to take advantage of me.