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Board Information & Questions / Re: Forum server migration update
« Last post by mrstring on January 16, 2018, 01:22:55 PM »
This occurring had an interesting impact where my move out last straw thread was right there in front of me. Interesting to see my head space at the time versus now.
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Board Information & Questions / Re: Forum server migration update
« Last post by moglow on January 16, 2018, 11:38:49 AM »
Not so far, kazzak. We're guesstimating a few days - once migration is complete we have to check things out before we go live again.

When we were put in the queue for migrating the board, we were given a 7-10 day window before they'd get to us. Next day, we're in progress. No time to notify anyone before we were in it.

Patience, grasshopper - we'll get there soon!
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Board Information & Questions / Re: Forum server migration update
« Last post by kazzak on January 16, 2018, 10:42:14 AM »
Thank you.

Any estimated timeframe? Today, tomorrow?
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The Welcome Mat / Re: How do I get Out of the FOG!!!
« Last post by biggerfish on January 16, 2018, 10:38:08 AM »
Welcome Caught! I'm so glad you're here, and you certainly fit right in! There are plenty of board members here who do not want NC with their FOO. And I  totally agree with what's been said so far by Menopause Barbie and xredshoesx.

You sound very clear on what you want, which is great. You will take the path that works for you best. It takes some time. Sounds like your mother is unhappy with the changes she's seeing so far, but any friend worth having will come around to accepting change in the other person.

So maybe that's where to start -- to remind her that the closest relationships are the ones that have a tolerance for each other changing. Tell her that's why you feel comfortable in doing so...because you know that she values growth. (Doesn't matter if this isn't necessarily so, because after all, sometimes ascribing good characteristics to a person in advance will make them eager to achieve them. LOL)

If she can tolerate your changes, then indeed, this relationship can continue. It will take some time for you to see whether she rebels or accepts. Then, down the road, you can reassess what you want.

Just want to point out to you that coming Out of the FOG isn't about making the other person react well to your changes; rather, it's only about your relationship to yourself. But, that said, giving her the benefit of the doubt in the beginning could cause her to want to run out in front of your new parade, which would be great.

Probably best to measure all this in months, not weeks or days, before you will know if this effort is worthwhile.. And settle in for the ride.

I also suggest getting with a good therapist if you can, and do plenty of posting and reading here! You will find words of wisdom and love here.
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The Welcome Mat / Re: How do I get Out of the FOG!!!
« Last post by Menopause Barbie on January 16, 2018, 10:16:11 AM »
You don't sound 100% stuck in the FOG to me. The first step in reclaiming control of your life is SEEING the FOG. Realizing it is there is HUGE, and, in my experience, took over 40 years! So you are ahead of me! Keep reading here and observing your mom through your new FOG glasses.  8-)  Gradually, the effects of FOG on your thoughts and life will lose their grip. You need to congratulate yourself for being real and honest despite your 33 years of indoctrination in the Cult of Mom. You've taken an important first step, and the path will become clearer as you grow stronger. Welcome!  :heythere:
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First FYI updates to this post may be lost once the past years posts are brought over. Please pardon the dust as we migrate the forum to the new server!  :upsidedown:
http://outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=61399.0


The part about eating triggering you is something I could relate to and ite taken some purposeful mindful meditation to work through being able to calmly eat.

The money, well that's a toss up here. Some take it and feel no obligation and respond to the huge FOG horn with a whole meh attitude that it's a gift and feel zero obligation. Others turn it down outright or else just go radio silent without caejijng the check or responding.
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Dealing with PD Parents / Re: The Chaos of a PD filled family
« Last post by Spring Butterfly on January 16, 2018, 06:51:26 AM »
FYI updates to this post may be lost once the past years posts are brought over. Please pardon the dust as we migrate the forum to the new server!  :upsidedown:
http://outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=61399.0
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Dealing with PD Parents / Re: NBPDm wants to see a therapist together
« Last post by Spring Butterfly on January 16, 2018, 06:50:37 AM »
Good for you and your wonderful boundaries!!!

All that Woman Interrupted said :yeahthat:

You don't have a problem at all, your HF uBPDm has a problem with herself and your quite normal acceptable boundaries. Personally I've stuck with the whole 'i don't have a problem' deal because I honestly don't. The only thing I did was define an adult new normal for myself and I ran with it full force. I'm busy and I have boundaries. End. Of. Story.

BTW updates to this post may be lost once the past years posts are brought over. Please pardon the dust as we migrate the forum to the new server!  :upsidedown:
http://outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=61399.0
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The Welcome Mat / Re: Reintroduction - DH and my PDMIL
« Last post by Spring Butterfly on January 16, 2018, 06:44:44 AM »
PS you may need to reregister once the migration is complete.
http://outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=61399.0
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FYI updates to this post may be lost once the past years posts are brought over. Please pardon the dust as we migrate the forum to the new server!  :upsidedown:
http://outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=61399.0
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