« Last post by JenniferSmith on Yesterday at 04:35:59 PM »
I also have a lot of problems asking for what I need in a friendship or even in my relationship with my H or even my own children. With friends I tend to give and give and give until it becomes so one sided and I become so angry and then I often become quite passive aggressive and the other person doesn't know whats going on and we end up in a blow up and then never talk again! I'm not like that with everyone just friends who are more dominant than me. ....
I like to make real connections with people and I often make mistakes in thinking those friendships are deeper than they are because I often realize too late when I have already invested a lot of time and energy into the friendship that the other person often doesn't feel the same about the friendship that I do.
Wow, Claudia, the sentences I quoted above, I could have written myself. In fact, you described it better than I could have. I've struggled with these issues for years, mostly with female friends. Not as much with males.
I was so surprised to see that you wrote about the "thinking friendships are deeper than they are" - that is a BIG one for me. I have had to really work on that over the past few years. For myself, I find that I don't often encounter people that I really click with. So when I do, I become way more attached to them than they do with me. Its like I am a little kid who just got the best present ever for Christmas- that is how a good friend makes me feel. But to them, I am just one of many nice little presents. Usually this happens with extroverts who have lots of friends. I am an introvert and very selective about who I consider a friend. But I've realized this was making me too dependent on the few friends I had.
It has taken me soooo long to learn how to tamp down on my enthusiasm for a particular friend, and adjust to a more moderate level of friendship. What I am finding, though, is that when I do this, the friendships become more stable and mature.
Anyway, thanks for your post- you described something I've had a hard time putting into words.