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91
My deepest condolences! 
92
I've had enough. I see that the legal system is clearly designed by narcissists for narcissists, and I am wondering if it's worth it to start acting like one myself. What my stbxh has said in the legal papers is hurtful, and I would love to (figuratively) let him have it back with both barrels. I am so angry at him and at this crazy world I'm stuck in. I see that just thinking about myself is the only thing I haven't tried. Would I have more to show for my efforts if I just acted all full of myself and threw my need to be nice out the window?


My DH and I feel the same way.. Sometimes we walk out of court after dealing with NPDbiomom, and we just look at each other like.. did that really just happen, did the judge really allow that to continue..
BUT we always remind ourselves, that we ARE good people, that we are here to make the best life we can for his DD, my DSD, and the baby we have together. We do not need to act like the narcissists or the other selfish parent. Because in the end that is what the child is going to see and respect. We have been in this battle with NPDbiomom for the last almost 4 years.. We are just now kind of seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, things finally going my DH way.. or we sure hope so! I feel that you should continue to be yourself, treat your DD with love and respect. Be there for her when she needs you. BUT remember, that if you are not strong, and functioning properly you are not going to be good for anyone else. Continue therapy, take time for yourself once a day, and you will be where you need to be soon enough!
Good luck with everything and there are people that listen and care out in this world. I understand!

93
I believe that many people can either become their environment or maybe one PD attracts another.  Your mom was exposed to years of BPD logic and weird behaviour, so maybe she adopted some behaviours.  After 40 years when my parents split I saw a side of my dad I never knew before.  I always put 100% of the crazy head games on my uBPDmom.  Since my dad has been alone, he too had some interpretations and behaviours similar to my mom's. I sort of guessed he either spent too much time with my mom and started thinking like her or maybe he also has some sort of PD (a much milder case than my mom).  I don't know for sure which of my hypothesis is true or even if one is true, but that's my best explanation and interpretation.

Too much of a bad thing I guess.  Maybe your mom is so used to keeping everyone opposed that she just kept on doing it, not realizing the behaviour is one that came form a sick mind and not one promoting a healthy family dynamic.  Maybe your dad often spoke about how to split the inheritance and who deserved it and now she is still caught in that mind set.  It's unfortunate to see someone working so hard to keep their children from one another, instead of wanting to bring them all together at the end of their life.  A sad legacy to leave behind.
94
Going No Contact with a PD Parent / Re: How do you explain NC to the kids?
« Last post by Just Jay on Yesterday at 04:19:29 PM »
IMHO, kids that age are too young to get it, or even be affected by it much. I don't think you have to worry too much about it, but as time goes on, you can answer questions honestly with the information they need.
95
Going No Contact with a PD Parent / Re: Anxiety and Depression....
« Last post by farfromthetree on Yesterday at 04:17:09 PM »
Hi, rains. You've gotten a lot of great advice here, and I'm going to add my humble two cents.

Not having a family, even if it was a crappy one, is a terrible thing. Even when it's right to go NC, it's against our human nature to cut the ties. When you think about, then, you've been isolated in a way that is due to cause anxiety and depression.

Here's the other side of the coin: it's also a liberation. Once you start healing from it, you can fill your life with whatever and whomever you choose. And those things and people can be darn well anything. Isn't that fantastic in a way? There are no rules to your life now, nobody to tell you you're doing it wrong. You can cherry pick people you want in your life, and there are plenty of those who won't want to jump off a building like your mom.

Take your time. It hurts now and may hurt forever, but all of it gets smaller and father away from your day-to-day life.

And, NC doesn't have to be a final thing. You may find them coming in and out of your life, and it's all your choice. You may also realize that it's never going to be okay with them.

Big hug to you!

 :yeahthat: What Just Jay said
96
Stevie - What a huge blow! I am so sorry for your loss! :hug:
97
Going No Contact with a PD Parent / Re: Anxiety and Depression....
« Last post by Just Jay on Yesterday at 04:08:40 PM »
Hi, rains. You've gotten a lot of great advice here, and I'm going to add my humble two cents.

Not having a family, even if it was a crappy one, is a terrible thing. Even when it's right to go NC, it's against our human nature to cut the ties. When you think about, then, you've been isolated in a way that is due to cause anxiety and depression.

Here's the other side of the coin: it's also a liberation. Once you start healing from it, you can fill your life with whatever and whomever you choose. And those things and people can be darn well anything. Isn't that fantastic in a way? There are no rules to your life now, nobody to tell you you're doing it wrong. You can cherry pick people you want in your life, and there are plenty of those who won't want to jump off a building like your mom.

Take your time. It hurts now and may hurt forever, but all of it gets smaller and father away from your day-to-day life.

And, NC doesn't have to be a final thing. You may find them coming in and out of your life, and it's all your choice. You may also realize that it's never going to be okay with them.

Big hug to you!



98
I'm so sorry, Stevie. Take good care of yourself.
99
Dealing with PD Parents / Re: Ramping up the FOG!!!
« Last post by betta fish on Yesterday at 04:07:23 PM »
You don't have t take her hate bombs.  Simply cut her off and say something like "You can either speak calmly and nicely or I will hang up" and hang up if her behaviour and words don't change.  If your mom sends emails, have someone proof read and block her number if she sends mean texts.  You need to let her know what behaviours are unacceptable, otherwise it will not change. 

Good luck to you.
100
Flower, geesh.... Just... Geesh!

That was so hurtful from your mom! Why have you and your brother not spoken for two years?
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