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Last night uNPDh goes off to bed around 6pm, just as im getting ready for at 11pm he gets up, in a rage because "he never gets a decent sleeep", as im heading up the stairs he says to himself "there she goes off for a good nights sleep" and then shouts up the stairs to me in a sarcasric tone "enjoy your good nights sleep" rolling my eyes i reply "thankyou, i will" pmsl
I have to agree with whiteheron, getting a pd to admit that they are the one at fault is almost impossible, setting boundaries has been helpful to me, i dont allow him to shout at me anymore i just leave the room. He carries on shouting but im not there to listen to it. You could maybe suggest therapy but frame it in a way that suggests hes getting help with how to handle your issues, from what ive read they seem to like that idea, then maybe the therapist will have some success with making him see hes being unreasonable not you.
Chosen Relationships / Re: Children working him out
« Last post by Livingoneggshells on Today at 05:09:40 AM »
Haha of course! Now i feel stupid lol
Yeah i never really had mush success getting h to do anything with the kids, he hates being a father, the only time he steps up is when others are present and he mimics how they are with their kids. I guess i just accepted it and try to give them enough attention for 2 of us. I assume though that you work and need her to step up while youre not there. Could you suggest she joins some mum and toddler groups? To make frieends with other mums "going through the same thing as her" so "she can socialise"
The Welcome Mat / Introduction (Good thing I am not colorblind)
« Last post by wandrew1963 on Today at 04:47:38 AM »
I live with  :evil2:. It has turned me  :stars:. I am now a full-fledged alky since that was the only substance I could find that seemed to help. As soon as I get some housing from the state, I will leave. My coping skills are exhausted. She will do little or nothing to help herself, and is only too willing to blame others for her problems.  In short,  :aaauuugh:
Dealing with PD In-Laws / Re: Baby Shower
« Last post by mayaberry on Today at 03:52:15 AM »
If you really can't come up with an excuse not to go ( I would give an excuse of something that's just come up but send a gift. I'm lucky though because it's feasible that I could be called in to work at a weekend. I've used that many a time to avoid them) then I would prepare to grin and bear it, zone out for most of it where possible but definitely give a practical or daddy gift. I wasn't actually invited to either of nsils baby showers. The distance we live from them was a good excuse but I wouldn't have been invited anyway. I did have to endure all the photos (I was still in contact with them at the time) and nmils calls where she went on about them for weeks. What I gleaned from that was that gifts, although on fb posts nsil was of course extremely grateful/overwhelmed/so blessed etc, were not appreciated. It had been expected that most gifts would be for nsil for some reason rather than the baby. Some people really obliged with that and she loved all of those of course. They got big photo opportunities. Other gifts, not so much. Nsil and nmil appeared to have created a running total of how much someone had spent on a gift and judged them accordingly. They made comments about people who had bought duplicate gifts or things they didn't feel were necessary. It was awful. Totally unappreciated.
Good luck to you on getting through it but definitely go for practical. Don't expect any appreciation though.
Separating & Divorcing / Re: Ideas for Christmas morning
« Last post by TooLongInWA on Today at 03:37:41 AM »
Angel, this is my first Christmas without my H, though I still have the kids and the house.  I liked reading all the great suggestions people were posting.  Christmas morning service sounds like a great one.  I remember years ago when we had two incomes that I took my kids shopping to pick out gifts to take to a local charity.  Even though we're tight on funds this year I may do that again to remind the kids about how Christmas is about giving (God's gift to us, not what we get). Like you said... there are always people who have it worse than we do.

God bless you this Christmas!  :hug:
Dealing with PD In-Laws / Re: Big News: Do They Deserve to Know?
« Last post by mayaberry on Today at 03:34:44 AM »
Just wanted to send you a hug and wish you well with the rest of your pregnancy. I completely understand your feelings, you could have been writing about my inlaws. Your post didn't sound downtrodden, it's OK to feel angry towards people who hurt you, that's what stops them from treating you like a doormat.
I wish I had been brave enough to go with option three but I wasn't when our daughter was born. I went along with option one to keep the peace and because H seemed to believe that we would see some miraculous change in them. We didn't and it just brought more misery. I had a difficult birth and both myself and our daughter were ill, she was in neonatal. They were made aware of that because H called them from the hospital a few hours after the birth and I was forced to speak to them all on the phone - I was so exhausted and out of it on meds that I barely registered what was happening. Anyway, despite knowing things weren't going well they made no attempt to contact us after the initial announcement. Nothing. No calls or texts to see how either of us were, nothing to check if we were getting home or if baby was OK. We were there for a week (which is really unusual here and only happens if there's problems) and H had to be the one to call nmil after we got home to tell her we were now home and everyone was now OK. They just weren't interested. They got the initial info they needed and moved on. The only one who ever asked me about it was bils wife and that was only months later when they visited. Bil is a doctor and had obviously been discussing it with his wife but even he didn't break the unwritten rules of the family and try to speak to us to see how we were. Of course he might have been assuming nmil was speaking to us, who knows what she told them. Probably made out she spoke to us every day.
Contrast that with her daily visits to nsil and bils wife when they had their babies, along with daily calls to them and us to tell us what was happening in the lives of the new grandchildren.
If we ever had more children, I would definitely pick option three. We are both more Out of the FOG now, it would be an easier decision. There probably will be backlash but it will buy you space and time to prepare for that rather than having to deal with immediate issues. Good luck and enjoy your baby.
I haven't gone in years... my coworkers like their wine and beer.  Taking an alcoholic to one of my office parties is torture...and now that my UBPD/NPDSTBXH (did i do that right?) is out of the house I can finally go and enjoy myself.  The kids are coming as well and there will be some other kids there that are their ages. 

Survived my first birthday yesterday with out him. It was weird because he usually managed to screw up holidays because I think they stressed him out so much something would always go wrong right around any holiday.  Both of my kids forgot. The first call I got was from my brother in law.  :)  Hard to believe my H has been out of the house now for 8 weeks.  Wow.  Must say I enjoy eating what I want when I want.  Spending as much time in the grocery store or other stores as I need to or want to without having to worry about making him suspicious or mad at how long I've been gone.  I do not miss him at all.  What I am sad for is that the kids don't really seem to miss him either.  They do mention him but they don't call him or email him much at all.
I'm sorry to hear that Fiasco. It's not just the abuse that's done that causes damage, it's the feeling that we should have been more capable than we were to stop it. In some ways that can last so much longer. I'm glad to hear you're in a good place now.
And I agree with UKannie. It is sad that the maternal instinct - something that would normally be so lovely and connecting - instead comes out in such a disordered and harmful way.
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