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71
Either that, or she's going to hit up the bars after Thanksgiving to "take her mind off things" and post about it on Facebook.

If she's like my sister you can be sure she hits the bars.

Wish I could tell you she'll mellow with age but that would be a lie. Don't feel guilty for being "busy" because it's not like she appreciates anything you do for her.   Good for you learning how to set boundaries with her at this age.  Check into the tool box.  Remember you are not responsible for her well being. She is. Just because she has a PD does not mean she's incapable.  Our sisters are survivors.
72
Your mother is not evil, she has a mental disorder.  That said, stop beating your self up.  Her condition is not her responsibility.   I have been in the same situation, the giving of money ( not lending) that ends up being an issue.  I would happily give my kids my money (no stings attached.  I would not use it as a form of blackmail. 

What I have learned is that it doesn't matter what your toxic mother thinks or says, it about your ability to let it go.  Don't let her control you or make you feel bad about yourself.  If you have done no wrong, then you are golden,  if you have put into to place a no contact order-enforce it, even if it means changing your cell or phone numbers.  It's ok.
73
Chump Lady is Tracy Schorn.
74
Separating & Divorcing / Re: My divorce in final today. I just feel sad.
« Last post by neveragain on Yesterday at 07:19:09 PM »
Hi HeadInBlender,

First, just hugs to you  :big hug:   I think I like sending hugs because when my friends and family hug me it just feels good these days. Going so very long with out from the stbx, I just enjoy them even more now. Kind of like I pay attention to simple gestures of affection, and appreciate them. I'm just starved for attention - lol!

I think it's normal to feel flat. It's so anti climactic compared to the abuse when you were in the relationship. Abuse FEELS huge, all the put downs FEEL really bad, that I think we expect when the divorce becomes final, we expect it to FEEL something along the lines of good, relief, happy...but in reality, it's just another day, and I'm sure I will just feel a little empty, as it is a reminder, that the relationship is really over. Hopefully soon you will feel better, and maybe even be happy that you are free from the PD. I hope so.

And I agree with ClearView; How dare he ask NOW what the problem was? Where was he during all the years you wanted to fix, work, and make the relationship better, so you could work it out?  I wish their mother ship would come and gather them all up and take them back to their planet :stars:
75
Separating & Divorcing / Re: I don't know how I feel...Do you?
« Last post by ClearView on Yesterday at 07:02:43 PM »
I think it's normal to be numb when faced with extreme cruelty, like that statement he made to you. I've only been no contact for a few weeks, so still very uncertain about feelings, but you still have so much contact with him.. it can't feel safe to let down the potective shields! You will be able to get into better touch with your heart once it is safe to, i believe.

One thing I did was to print a feelings list from the web. I got this one from a site for the book How We Love (great book!). It's actually called a Soul Words list.  Helps to loom at it regularly and at least consider the options. Some days i walk away from it puzzled. Who knows?

One of the best things for me has been reading the Stop Caretaking book. I bet it would help you alot, too!  Please take good care of yourself.
76
Parenting / Re: When does the sadness go away?
« Last post by scrappy427 on Yesterday at 06:58:31 PM »
 :applause:  :applause:   Annie, you sound like you're in a good place.  I know it's hard but I'm glad you are able to take care of yourself & your DH!   :applause:   :applause:

HAPPY THANKSGIVING! !
77
Parenting / Re: My head is going to explode!
« Last post by lovinlife on Yesterday at 06:53:47 PM »
Hi unsinkable. I don't know what you can do about your grandchildren's situation, sometimes child protective services helps and sometimes it doesn't. They are so overwhelmed, they can't always give each case the attention it deserves.

In my state, however, anyone can petition for guardianship of a minor, even non-relatives. That is what happened here, although there was also a neglect/abuse investigation in progress.

It can't be easy for you, with them being so far away. At least if they were nearby you could help out, or at least check in from time to time (assuming the parents let you).

Sometimes I don't understand why they say that being a grandparent is so much better than being a parent! You still have the deepest love & concern for these children, but no control and often not that much influence over their fates.

To answer your questions: my son and his fiance split up, and a few short months later my granddaughter was taken to the hospital with multiple skull fractures and a small brain bleed (she is OK now). The injuries were apparently caused by the mom's new boyfriend.

While my husband & I went to be with our granddaughter in the hospital, without telling anyone else the maternal grandfather went to the court, filed for, & was granted guardianship. We fought it in court but lost.

Around the time of the break up, I began to realize that my son has issues that go deeper than simple pot smoking. Due to family history and my own observations, I think he most likely has BPD.

As unreliable as he is, and as angry as he makes me, I still do not think he should be permanently separated from his daughter (he has never harmed her). But that seems to be the maternal grandfather's ultimate plan. This guy is a pure narcissist who has shown zero concern for my granddaughter's feelings - he just plucked her out of her life and all that she knew and stated point blank "she'll get used to it." He has changed all of her routines & taken away all of her former sources of comfort, like toys, blankets, dolls, and worse of all, the people who care for her.

The whole thing has been beyond heart breaking.

I hope you can find some way to deal with your situation. It's so hard. The only way I get through it is to remind myself that I'm not going to live forever, so somebody else is going to HAVE TO step up to the plate eventually. Better it gets sorted out sooner rather than later.

I hope whatever way it goes, my granddaughter has a good life. I hope the same for your grandkids too!

 :bighug:
78
Separating & Divorcing / Re: My divorce in final today. I just feel sad.
« Last post by ClearView on Yesterday at 06:53:20 PM »
Hugs to you!

I am so sorry, but really... NOW he asks what was the problem?

For your sake, i hope that makes you angry soon, cuz it ticks me off pretty strongly!
I just think it is the ultimate slap in the face and quite cruel!
79
Future Goals / Re: I've only been able to set one goal.
« Last post by seekingvision on Yesterday at 06:43:31 PM »
Congrats on looking 50 pounds.  Keep your eye on the goal.  You will get there then another goal will fall into place.

When you are on a tall ladder climbing up, they say don't look back.  Imagine you are nearing a beautiful pinnacle, don't look down at the terrain that got you there. Keep moving up and press on toward the goal. 

There is a deluxe tram, with Champaign and soft music and heavy appetizers for the trip home.
80
Hi new4me2014 and Hopelessly stuck. You don't know how much your words of understanding mean to me. This is the only place I don't feel judged for expressing my emotions. I don't feel alone. I always get very depressed around the holidays. Emeshed cousin didn't even bother to acknowledge my lengthy text about the FOO situation related to getting my DS some help. I'm certain it's because he depends on NPD mom to babysit for him. I just gave up on my whole FOO especially my DS, NPD mom and emeshed cousin. I'll spend Thanksgiving with NPD stbIL's. At least I don't have to interact with them as much. Looking forward to eating some turkey. Wish you both well.
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