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Dealing with PD Parents / Re: ACE and health consequences
« Last post by Amadahy on Today at 07:08:08 AM »
I thought I was "type a" personality - a go-getter, always busy, lots of energy.  In my early 40s I sort of crashed. Lost my energy, my drive, my creativity (or at least an outward expression of it) and wondered "wth?"  I struggled and railed and finally had to sit w this change to find myself.  In my case, I had busied myself as a coping mechanism, as a way of control.  I've found that one gift of the 40s is that you *will* deal w what you have not addressed earlier in life.  As I sat w this difficult time, I came to see that my natural state is more introspective, more mystical even (and I renembered these leanings as a child before I was scared into being a different way).  Not saying this is what is happening for you, but if it is, it has been one of the most gifted times of my life and I wish the same for you. In any case, it is key to love and nurture yourself through w no judgment.  :hug:
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Dealing with PD Parents / Re: ACE and health consequences
« Last post by Seichan on Today at 07:04:59 AM »
Thanks for posting this, rosie. I'm going to look out for this doco.

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“The message culturally is ‘get over it’,” Redford says. “If you have it rough, so did everyone else. There’s nothing special about you. Buck up and get on with it. If you’re struggling and you have problems with addiction, or you’re having depression or anxiety, you must be weak. That’s a very damaging message."

I have recently been dealing with a completely untypical lack of energy, direction, and pleasure at the simple things of life. It has really been bothering me and, as usual, I start to blame myself for being lazy, old, forgetful, and so on. What I really believe is happening is that I have been going backward in time as I age.

I feel the same way. Anti-Ds haven't worked, so I'm weaning off them.

Going backward in time? I'm having a lot more memories of what went on back there, and I'm hoping when I get to the end of it I'll have some energy and enjoyment again.
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Dealing with PD Parents / Re: Child Abandonment...sharing our stories
« Last post by kazzak on Today at 07:00:10 AM »
Thanks for the book recommendation kazzak...i will definitelt check it out! because i feel so sensitive when it comes to issues surrounding child abandonment,neglect,abuse its sometimes hard for me to feel ok about saying no, when i raise my voice, and leaving my child makes me feel really anxious as if he will think im abandoning him...rationally i know im not,but inside its what i feel.

That's discussed in the book. They call it "shark music". It's those feelings and triggers that come up from our own past while parenting our child. It's normal, but the book helps understand what is happening, how to stop ourselves and recognize it and then respond appropriately to the child. It becomes confusing if we don't separate our own trauma from raising our child. It's great you recognized that on your own, the book provides tools to work through it along with other topics associated with attachment. One of my top go to resources.
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Chosen Relationships / Re: Why are we doing this??
« Last post by lucylou on Today at 06:58:51 AM »
In a word 'trapped', 20 years later and climbing Out of the FOG with no income,no savings,debt,no driving licence,3 children, isolated and without self confidence. However iam still in there somewhere and am determined to rise.. Somehow.
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Dealing with PD In-Laws / Re: help with family event
« Last post by kayjewel on Today at 06:58:33 AM »
You've said several times that "we feel that we dont want to let them ruin things for us (again)". That statement implies that you and DH are a united front and on the same page with regard to dealing with his FOO. However, from what you've described, that isn't entirely true.

You've said several times that DH feels very guilty about reducing contact with MIL and SIL, that he hopes to resume contact with them, that you're worried about SIL reeling him back in and H reverting to how things used to be, and that H basically doesn't know what to do about the situation.

To be honest, it sounds like the main problem for you on this trip potentially won't be SIL (should she decide to go), but DH. His behavior with regard to SIL and his FOO is an unknown. I think you're wise to start thinking about how you'll handle it if you're on this trip halfway around the world from home and DH gets reeled back into his FOO's shenanigans.

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How is DH’s supposed to react towards SIL if I am in his company?

He's supposed to put you, his wife, first. His relationship with you is his priority, not his relationship with his sister. That's not to say he should ignore her, but when interacting with her, he should always come from that standpoint. His first loyalty is to you, his wife, and not to SIL or the rest of his FOO. His attitude, from day one forward, should be "This is my wife, and I will not let her be disrespected by anyone." Not that he necessarily speaks those words, but he conveys the message by his actions and demeanor.

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I feel really sorry for DH, he is going to be in a real bad predicament if she does this,

He will only be in a "bad predicament" if he's still in the FOG.

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if he joins in with the show will I be wrong to be angry with him?

 By "joins in with the show", what exactly are you referring to? Does it involves DH getting caught up in SIL's drama, especially if it involves her mistreating you (even covertly or plausibly deniable) and him not standing up for you?

Can you talk with DH now about your concerns, in advance of the trip?  You and H together can make a plan to handle it in case things start to go awry with SIL. That way, you wouldn't have to wait until H got reeled in and you got angry.  Plan now so you and H can work together so it doesn't reach that point.
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The Welcome Mat / This is me
« Last post by Kells on Today at 06:57:55 AM »
This is me......

Just been prescribed 40mg propanalol, take once a day. Suffer from anxiety and panic attacks sometimes.....also get paranoid. Unsure if it's  PPD. Told the doctor and he said let's start with the tablets, 1 a day. My job makes it hard to get counselling at the moment... I travel around the UK working.

The symptoms I get are there every day but sometimes I can block them out, other times I can't... when I'm in an anxiety attack, it's all I can think about and believe them...as soon as the attack is over, I know the thoughts are untrue and end calling myself a d#!$head. So, here's what I get and feel

That movies or songs that friends/family play, are played for a reason.. in a malicious way, to say something to me and Conversations about others are really about me... again the conversations are not positive ones.

I've taken drugs in the past... years ago, weed never helped either..stopped that 7 years ago. The paranoia subsided for years and October 16 it came back... the trigger was drinking way to much alcohol, over a period of time.... cigarettes bring it on as well. Had alcohol last night and yup, maybe too much...this morning was a hard one with the thoughts... attack over... thoughts not real. I know I need to not drink so much... at work I don't drink... at home I do... the attacks can last 10 mins to over an hour. The tablets are helping...feel like a shit wife,friend,daughter,Sister and feel I should apologise of I've been distant, hard work or taking people for granted.

I have ocd...think it's because I can't control that...I like to control in other areas... check things 3 times or 9 times..3x3... body issues... think I'm overweight and then to thin... I'm 8st 8-8st 10.

All of this drives me nuts and think I'm bloody going crazy.

Certain people know what I'm going through...but not all.

Thanks for reading.

This is me.. Kells
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Yes! To the point that I was wondering if he had multiple personalities as he looks entirely different although he is the same. I know what's coming when he looks like this unfortunately.
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Dealing with PD Parents / Re: anxiety over Mother's Day
« Last post by Seichan on Today at 06:54:04 AM »
daughterofbpd, I recommend you spend the day with your daughter and husband at the beach.

A big slap to M's face sounds just the ticket, too -- and even better that you can do that simply by not buying her a card.
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Actually this verse is one of my favorites

"But actually, I have written to you not to associate with any so-called [Christian] brother if he is sexually immoral or greedy, or is an idolater [devoted to anything that takes the place of God], or is a reviler [who insults or slanders or otherwise verbally abuses others], or is a drunkard or a swindler--you must not so much as eat with such a person."
1 CORINTHIANS 5:11 AMP

I like this because this chapter specifically means fellow believers who aren't following Christian principles. It's a reality there are some who have their struggles and battles and leave damage in their wake as they walk their path and journey to God and Christ. It's their journey and I need to get out of the way.

That and so many other verses we've discussed on this board talk about how it's on the wrongdoer to admit and take responsibility in order to reconcile. Otherwise you're free to give them over to God and let the person work it out for themselves with their HP. That to me is pardon or forgivesness, that giving up and walking away is forgiveness for me. But that's another topic discussed elsewhere in depth.
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Chosen Relationships / Re: The tension is building..
« Last post by lucylou on Today at 06:49:29 AM »
Thankyou for your replies, sorry it has took a while for me to reply. I find your stories and wisdom comforting that I am not completely alone. I seem to be riding an emotional rollercoaster, grief possibly? One minute strong, the next immobilized. I can see his intent to hurt me and make me doubt myself and it is this intent iam finding so difficult. I also feel robbed of what should be an amazing time (new baby) this just makes me so cross. I'm finding myself avoiding him which of course will make matters worse..
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