« Last post by tmsing on Today at 01:51:59 PM »
You're doing the right thing.
With Halloween approaching....all these old horror movies are showing up on TV. Yesterday, I found myself watching The Shining with Jack Nicholson. And, as it neared the climax....where the Wendy character is swinging a bat and the husband character is promising to alternatively hurt her or promising not to......I sat there thinking, THAT's it. There were moments in my childhood straight out of a horror movie. There were moments my NPD father sounded just like a creepy, ghost possessed, Stephen King created....monster. And, I'm completely and totally justified not to want that anywhere near me or those I love. And those around me who think I should be ok with having him or anyone else who acts like him within 50 ft of me....are just plum crazy.
This. There is a reason BIL started referring to MIL as the "mom-ster" and changed her name in H's phone to "the call you wish you never answered." It is sad that he keeps getting sucked into the mess she creates but that's his choice.
When people get all rage-y and stuff I tend to look away or tune out and pretend nothing is going on. But H has noted before that sometimes when he sees MIL in a rage, her eyes turn all dark and it's like she's possessed. I can vouch for that in terms of the screaming because that bit is hard to tune out. It is a wonder where she gets the energy from to scream at such a high volume for minutes on end that sometimes last into well over an hour...where she comes up with all the vitriolic words, how she could call H a monster and then add in hours of screaming just because he said he should get to decide what day his wedding falls on.
She is a nightmare and as my therapist put it, the reason H does not invite MIL over our place anymore is because it would be a living hell. I've heard so many horror stories and the funny thing is I still haven't seen the worst of her and have just heard it from others. But it really does feel like there is a monster living inside that woman.
Even when she turns into a waif and a victim you still see the maliciousness behind it.
My mom used to be this way when I was growing up and of course when I met H I was not expecting to get crazy mom 2.0 with MIL. My mom does not rage anymore but she still is very narcissistic and selfish and controlling...but I am still trying with her and am anxious sometimes that one day I will end up cutting ties with her too, especially since H points out a lot how I have made strides with my mom but I wonder if it will ever be enough that she doesn't scream at me anymore.
I've also been tempted before and it is very confusing because I usually avoid having MIL around my parents but sometimes I wonder, "what if I have them interact more often? Then her mask would slip sooner or later and they would see her for what she truly is." Then again, MIL screamed at H before in front of the neighbors when he tried to help my mom shovel her driveway and she has already made my mom cry and my mom (and H) told me that MIL yelled at my aunt on our wedding day so... I don't get how my mom can't admit that she's just not worth being around to the point where she lamented that she missed seeing MIL during the last visit. Why people actively ask for trouble is beyond me.
I just want to get past the point of thinking about this almost every day and asking myself, "well what if I did suck it up and keep things friendly with her? Would it kill me?" I already know it's best to not be involved with her but it's not that easy to feel like I don't owe her anything, even if I know that I don't.