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Chosen Relationships / Re: I wonder if I'm crazy sometimes
« Last post by Jill6818 on Yesterday at 10:29:58 PM »
Someone told me earlier this week....its all about trauma bonds.,..google it, I googled trauma bonds and narcissism , learnt loads/

Im British by the way everyone, not a crap speller.

Muldoon, you made me laugh!  I didn't think you were a crap speller.  It was just funny to see that statement in the midst of all of the conversation about PDs.
Thank you all for the advice and reminders about how impossible negotiating for a life can be with a pd. In answer to your questions....nope I chickened out and haven't told him yet :blush: Will keep you updated
Unchosen Relationships / Re: You love me? Then prove it.
« Last post by broken on Yesterday at 09:57:02 PM »
This is the treatment that made me snap on her.  She would either pout or rage if I didn't do things for her at least every few days. 

She was needing more help, after an illness, but of course MY schedule hasn't changed.  When she started raging that no one helps her (meaning -- me.)  I had HAD enough.  I told her the things I'd been rehearsing in my head for a year.  It felt so strange to finally let her have it.  I made it clear that what I do for her is limited because she has treated me like sh!t my entire life, so I DO NOT feel obligated.  I have a wonderful husband and kids.  I do for stuff for them every single day, and I love it.

Of course she hasn't changed, she never will.  But it was good for me, now she knows why I am MC, and she knows that I will no longer play the game of pretending she is a saint.  Now when I get the "you don't love me/what have you done for me lately" routine, I change the subject....  to "welp, I gotta go".
There's been a huge outrage about Facebook taking down these photos because of the nudity.  And I've complained on social media about this in favour of FB - why would women want to do it?  I could never imagine my sister, a new mum, posting these sorts of photos.  And look, feel free to tear me to shreds over this, I know I'm in the minority here  (breastfeeding is the most natural thing in the world, yada yada).  But that's not really the point.

It's interesting my reaction to this.  Am I sort of jealous of seeing a little baby greedily sucking on a nipple? asked my T.  Possibly.  Was I breastfed?  Not sure.  But something about it makes me uncomfortable.... 
Unchosen Relationships / Re: NDad called my boss
« Last post by rtfm on Yesterday at 09:45:56 PM »
Thank you everybody.  I'm fortunate that my boss and I have a great, respectful relationship.  I'm also fortunate I have this board...a year ago I absolutely would have done exactly what weeblewobbled wrote, for exactly those reasons.  Today I asked for help and gave it time to marinate.  So, thank you all.

I did pull my boss aside and apologized that my dad called.  I told him if he calls back or becomes a problem, let me know and I'd find a way to stop him.  I didn't go into details, but I made it clear I don't speak to my parents for a good reason.  My boss was incredible.  He basically said he has no problem making sure his people are safe, and if I feel threatened by this guy then the guy isn't allowed in to the office - physically or virtually.  For him it's as simple as that.

I am crying writing this. To be validated without hesitation is a gift I never thought to recieve.  Certainly not at work. I don't know what nDad will pull next, but I feel less afraid.  Incredible.
On his dating profile that he tried to hide from me while we were together, this piece of crap said that his mom had cancer.  His mom is very private and even skipped the family reunion because she didn't want to deal with people coming up to her and asking how she was. my ex NPD said on his profile that he might have a shaved head in support of his mom if he meets women and that it's because his mom has cancer. he's so disgusting. he makes me want to throw up.

He constantly complains about imaginary back problems for attention.

His dad has cancer too and I'm sure he's been using that to pick up on women.
There was no point in dressing up for my ex NPD. he was too busy looking at other women and complimenting them. he did try to take me shopping and pick out clothes, he has horrible taste in clothes and picks colors that look awful on me. he cross dresses and has very tacky taste like BeBe. He also liked high heels and wore them, said he didn't like that I didn't wear high heels. I hated making an effort because it felt like I was competing with his harem of women on the Internet and the women outside. I think I'm sexy in my own way, my ex messed up my fashion sense.
An Unsent Letter / Re: to say goodbye- i still love you.
« Last post by wildrose7 on Yesterday at 09:38:51 PM »
it hurts so much still... and he is awful, always trying to pull this "truth" out of me. And yes, I too feel like the love of my life died. I was just thinking that today while crying about the last stream of abusive texts. I miss him unbearably... but he thinks such awful warped evil thoughts that I want to hide. I am considering changing my number and moving as I am 8 months pregnant and he is very abusive and cruel about the baby. I never cheated, but he insists its not his.. worried that the birth might be a trigger that puts him further over the edge. I am going to be at the hospital for the birth alone, and for some reason with everything he put me through, this is what hurts me the most. He is so screwed up he wont be there for the birth of his daughter. I wonder if anyone else feels like disappearing is really the answer. To finally start having peace.
Separating & Divorcing / Re: Venting--met NPDexbf's new gf
« Last post by tryinghardtobefree on Yesterday at 09:27:12 PM »
Thanks mischa, I'm safe I really believe I'm safe physically.
Still, it is inconceivable to me that he wouldn't want me to spend time with his child who I love. And then I try to think like him--he would try to poison the child if the situation were reversed. He would tell endless stories and lies that alienated the child from me. So he believes I would do the same thing. In all the years I've never said a bad word about his diagnosed BPD mother. That would be cruel.

NPDex is cruel and believes that others would do what he would do. So he can't let me see his son without him present because he thinks I'd do what he would do.

Because the bottom line is: it's really all about him, not about his child. He can attempt to control me using his son.
Unchosen Relationships / Re: You love me? Then prove it.
« Last post by onlyforward on Yesterday at 09:24:40 PM »
Any errand that would require a left-hand turn against traffic was somehow my task---dry cleaning, drugstore, post office, etc.
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