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71
The Welcome Mat / Re: Finding myself through knowledge.
« Last post by Nearly Never Made It on Yesterday at 05:53:10 PM »
Cupids & Geko,

Thanks,

Today has been totally quite a messed up day mentally for me, I have now blocked her once again on the phone and I have more than seven blocked numbers now..

I've had two calls to work, and various texts ... one of them saying there is some,of her things still in my garage somewhere and making demands to have them back....?

While I know that this is just a grasping at straws to have some kind of contact, I just don't know where this is all going to end... things were getting quiet and I was becoming myself again and feeling strong but in only a few days I feel like I stepped into her quicksand again....

I'm blocking all contact.... and this part may sound stupid to some that read this but to others totally understandable but I hope that in totally blocking her that it does not push her to show up in my life and in the worst case scenario make me relive the violent incident.. I don't know why I'm feeling she is possibly getting to that limit again but after the weekends nastiness my stomach is starting to feel uneasy... in the same way I felt before..
I have had it in the past where she comes to my work and when I call the police she goes before they get there.... to the point that I now have cctv in and out.. and cctv on my home..

This must read like a fictional novel to outsiders...

I remember my friend once saw her kick off in my house really badly.. and as she shouted and screamed in my face as her spit was hitting my face she was so close and enraged........ after it my mate said.. "I can't believe how calm you were, you just stood there and kept your hands in your pockets, because I was shi#ing myself" and my honest reply was.... if you watch the scariest movie 100 times then watch it once more with a friend that ain't seen it before... then only the friend jumps at the scary parts as I've seen it all before"

This should not be my life......





72
Chosen Relationships / Re: WAS ANY OF IT REAL?
« Last post by In loco parentis on Yesterday at 05:52:25 PM »
I found this link, probably on this forum, and I think it might be interesting for you in your situation:

http://www.new-synapse.com/aps/wordpress/?p=1911

notrightinthehead, THANK YOU for sharing that essay.  Really helpful to me as I try to rejuvenate, rebuild and reinvent myself.  GOOD STUFF!

ILP
73
  Let all her calls go to voicemail and SAVE them. 
It would be great if she gets mad when you don't pick up,  goes on an epic rage and threatens to hurt herself and call police and say you are abusing her to get you in trouble.   

This is a great idea for you. If your mother does rage and leaves these threats on voicemail, you then have evidence of intent if and when she does try to carry out the threats.

Also, when does her lease expire? There's no way I sign it.
74
Honey, she has got you snowed.

This is what's happening...you are subconsciously terrified of your mother taking over your whole existence, reverting you back to your childhood. When your mother starts making threats, your body goes into fight or flight mode and you can't be logical or make rational decisions. An outside person can look at the threats she makes and laugh - they are that ridiculous. But because you are her target, they spiral you into terror instead of making you think, "WTF??? Are you delusional, lady???"

Let's break down two of the threats she mentioned.

The moving truck (i.e. SIGN THE LEASE!!!)
What moving company on the planet would deliver a houseful of items and dump them on the front lawn of someone else's house? At the very least, this is a potential lawsuit against the moving company. Random people simply cannot dump their household goods on private property - this is against the law. When she threatens this again, (like when you refuse to sign the lease again), my response would be "Go right ahead. I'll have the police waiting for you. Shall I leave a big stick outside in the yard for you to whack yourself in the head with and then blame it on me?"

Same goes for calling a locksmith. Locksmiths simply do not show up at a house and open the door for convincing old ladies. You have to have proof of residency, like an ID with that particular address on it. Otherwise anyone could pay to have anyone else's house opened up via a chatty old lady.

The physical assault:

A friend of mine works with domestic violence victims, and we've discussed this at length as it was threatened by another old PD in my family (Shockingly not my NM). It is very, VERY obvious to law enforcement when someone is faking an injury., ESPECIALLY a grab injury such as what your mother tried. There are techniques to compare these types of things, and an officer can usually tell at first glance if an injury is faked or not...whereas a handprint from a good slap in the face is impossible to fake, due to positioning and force.

Next time she threatens you with something, take a deep breath, tell your panicking inner child to settle down, and attempt to think logically. Is what she threatening even possible? And the constantly threatening that you will lose your children...she has certainly found a button to push there, hasn't she? My work has had me around families involved with CPS, and unless you are somehow putting your child in imminent danger (you are high, your house is dangerous or filthy to the point of being dangerous, you are living with a child molester) no one is going to take them. Trust me.

Do you have anyone you can run these threats by when they occur so you can determine whether they are even worth worrying about?
75
Working on Us / Re: Tried a "meet up" group for the first time, this morning
« Last post by mrstring on Yesterday at 05:38:15 PM »
Feels good just to have gotten myself back out there to meet with folks, casually.  But, hey, a very attractive young lady had her infant (probably about 4 months old) son with her, and she was more than happy to let me hold him as we talked, after I told her I was the primary caregiver for my two sons.

I suspect you can imagine just how GOOD that felt!

(And, please do not panic for me.  The woman is happily married and I am happy for them.)

Yay, me!!!   :D

Yes, I went to a few. It's amazing how generous and kind some people are to total strangers.
76
Working on Us / Re: YouTube videos help?
« Last post by mrstring on Yesterday at 05:35:24 PM »
I am a big fan of Lisa A. Romano. She speaks to a lot of what I am and have gone through.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_ZKXVM46D7U&list=PLxN2f2IboAfGrwuBb__7p9lDxQI-7CGQb&index=5
77
The Welcome Mat / Healthy Member of a PD edFamily
« Last post by Airie on Yesterday at 05:34:31 PM »


For as long as I can remember, I have felt very different from my the rest of my immediate family of origin.I actually have a hard time calling them a "family," In my mind, I usually  call them by their last name, "The XXXX's". I never felt related to them, or that I had anything in common with them.

I now understand that the dominant members of the family - my father, sister, and niece  - all have Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  It was very freeing to learn this, as it finally made sense of my world.

I'm now trying to understand another sister and my brother, who have put me through hell and dragged me through hree courts, including two criminal courts, all to settle my father's tiny estate, that I was named to be the executor of. They have bashed, trashed, lied about  me, smeared me, and tried to turn my daughter against me in the process.

I recognize the patterns and I'm familiar with the dynamics, but I didn't really understand WHY this was going on. My lawyer, daughter, and friends have asked me"why" and I never understood it.

Now I'm discussing this with my counselor, and she saw my whole family as rife with narcissism. I left the family years ago. I was trashed when I was there, and trashed when I left. I made the choice to forge a healthy path for my daughter and grandchildren and not to carry these unhealthy ways of being into the future.

But my life is ruined. I'm old, broke, frail. my health is irreparably damaged by these a**holes. I don't feel I can ever forgive them. I despise them, and hope they get to suffer even a fraction of what they've put me through. So in that way I'm bitter. I'm still being intimidated by my brother who forcibly pushed my door in, got arrested, perjured himself, and got completely acquitted.

I think there was no way except to leave the family. I wish I had done it decades ago, when I still had a chance to build my own family.  So even someone basically healtrhy can be destroyed by this. There's no way to win with personality-disordered people. Once you see the signs, I say, run as fast as you can.

Airie
78
Separating & Divorcing / Re: Some soul searching the last few days
« Last post by mrstring on Yesterday at 05:32:32 PM »
Ok, I am starting to get ticked off. I am living in some small rented room, the people are nice but they didn't even have the decency to clean the room or bathroom before I moved in. I find unopened sunflower seeds on the ground and dust and hair every where. They said it was dog friendly but now the husband is asking if the dogs being over is going to be a weekly thing. I did explain that we agreed that they could come over whenever. They are good dogs, but my one dog now chase the cat. Ok, no problem, she has to stay in the room when I am at work. I am sorry to complain but I am getting ticked at having NO control. The husband seems like he is sick and coughing all the time, sits in the living room all weekend. Ok, it's his place but I guess I am upset because I have to live like this because SHE thinks I cheated or mistreated her or whatever the hell she says or hallucinates.

I feel like I lost ALL control over my life, scraping by on pennies to help my exGF get on her feet. Worrying if she will make the car payment, worrying about finishing off my commitment to the lease, worrying about car repo and eviction notices.

I know there are hardships and issues in life, but you figure if you treat people with love and respect you wont get crapped on like by my ex and her son. She doesn't even have the decency to let me know when she is going to take the dogs back. I LOVE having them but it is not that easy when I work, having them stay in my room all day, I do come home at lunch to take them out for a half an hour.

I know it all sounds so minor but my life is not MY OWN anymore and I want it back,

I am tired of being the nice guy that gets walked on. I don't mind being nice but I am getting pretty ticked off.
79
The Cafe / Re: On a bit of a lighter note.
« Last post by VeryUncertain on Yesterday at 05:30:32 PM »
I love those too...  "I've still got a lot of fight left in me"

One of my other favorites is Believe Me by Ft. Minor:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ntvtq_S9Q9M
80
Pantomeme, it helped me to look at my own family. When I understood the root of my problems with them, I understood why I fell for 'friends' with a PD. That made it easier to let go.
Take care,

FW
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