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Wow, so much in common with everybody! The friends dropping away, and the nasty comments about them behind their backs. My family being pushed away and badmouthed by the PD, pouting and a tantrum whenever my father or son came to visit. Communication issues on our part. Domination of everything by the PD. Every night when I came home, I'd stand outside the door wondering if I had the strength to remain silent or if there would be another confrontation. Having to watch only Disney or kids movies, because anything with strong emotions would provoke another outburst.

Thinks like this help be understand why I'm still suffering from PTSD nine months out.

Another stupid little thing…there was a toilet paper thing:

H constantly called me into the bathroom to chastise me for not replacing it. Thing was, if I ever finished the roll, I ALWAYS replaced it. If H ever finished the roll, it meant that I should have replaced it the time prior. I tried to point out to him that by his logic, I would be the only one EVER replacing the toilet paper. He didn't get it..

I am literally laughing out loud reading this !!!!!

there is that one certain part of the cycle where the victim begins to scramble because their abuser didnt call them back, didnt reply to the text, and even tho just moments before we stood up for ourselves.. we panic that we are " going to lose them".. " ive made him angry" or simply " what if its me"

this is the one i think that keeps the cycle going, and makes it difficult for us to jump off the runaway bus.

any tips? tricks? for others like me that find this happening ? something that prevents us from reaching out with a second text? long email or the sorry phone call. ??
Unchosen Relationships / Re: Criticism and more criticism
« Last post by TiredFish on Today at 12:58:21 PM »
Isn't amazing how well they conditioned us in our growing up years?  I think the CIA could take a page from their playbook. 

Hmmm… perhaps their powers could be used for good...
TiredFish - it sounds like she cut you off.  Congratulations and well done!  Acknowledgement and accountability are beyond most PD's.

She'll probably let things simmer for a week or so then fire you off an email that says something to the effect of, "This is your mother - I just wanted you to know I'm still alive."

If you choose to respond to it, stick to something like:  "That's nice." or "Cool." - and nothing more.   
Committed to Working On It / Re: Goodnight hug drama
« Last post by Nana1270 on Today at 12:57:00 PM »
Ugghhh...I can so relate.  My husband is like this.  If I don't text him in the morning when I get to work to tell him that I love him, it will put him in a funk all day.  The demands for attention (that for some reason we are not allowed to FREELY give) can be suffocating and the affection ends up being forced. 
Unchosen Relationships / Re: Dig from the GC sibling
« Last post by TiredFish on Today at 12:55:58 PM »
It makes GCsis look childish and mean.

Seriously, how old is GC?

Is it worth the effort of blocking her posts from your feed? Although I guess if she tags you, it still comes up? I don't know. I'm not the master at Facebook. But maybe you can minimize what you see?
Committed to Working On It / Re: Birthday
« Last post by blaze on Today at 12:54:51 PM »
Is this a common thing? 

The first year I was with my nSPD bf I got the fancy jewlery for Christmas and flowers sent to work for my birthday.
The three years that followed, nothing. Maybe a kids DVD for Christmas, (we have no kids) and a Happy Birthday text for my birthday.
I have gone out of my way getting special and semi-elaborate gifts for him and just get a little thank you. Then I feel why did I even bother?
His 40th was last month. I made him a blanket, drove 2 hours away to pick up a nick-knack he spotted this past summer, and a couple other things.
They are still sitting in a gift bag on his living room chair. Opened, but put back in the bag sitting there. It's been a month.
My feelings are hurt and I told him that. No response, just a blank stare.
I know I wont be doing anything for Christmas this year....
Is this a common trait with PD?  Why would the first year be great and not after?   Interesting to see others seem to have similar issues with this.
If she's anything like my unBPD mom, she'll never understand what she did - she didn't DO anything!  The only way things will change is if *I* just do as I'm told and let her run me ragged.  And what is SHE going to do about it?  Nothing - because she did nothing wrong and the problems are all in my own head!

Don't do it, don't do it, don't do it, Ellie!!
My uN/B/whateverPDm has a major birthday coming up. Last week I tested the waters. Within less than 12 hours she sucker-punched me emotionally & I found myself sobbing in the street over something totally minor because I was trying to digest the pain contacting her brought up.
Today she kicked me in the teeth.

Save yourself.
Ponchik, you're so right.
Please don't do it. It is so, so, so not worth it.
Working on Us / Letting go of expectations
« Last post by Nana1270 on Today at 12:49:16 PM »
I have have no contact with my mom for 8 months.  I made this decision based on the fact that we cannot have a civil relationship, she doesn't support me being in therapy, and won't own what she put me thru as a child.

In therapy, I found my voice and was able to get angry about my abuse, the hand my mother played in it (either directly or indirectly) and discovered that she is completely unwilling to discuss it with me.  I have no idea who my bio father is, and have been searching for years.  She gives me random bits of information and I've gotten no where.  When I reconnected with some of the family, they filled me in on a lot of details that she had never shared with me.  When I confronted her with this, she became irate and called everyone liars and said everyone was out to get her.  I must note that she is bi-polar.

So I had all these expectations - that she would help me get healing from the emotional & sexual abuse that I suffered.  Mom and I would get it all out in the open and deal with it.  I would get the apologies that I needed to soothe my soul....but they never came.  She told me that I had enough problems and therapy was adding to it.  She told HER therapist about our situation and he told her that I had a problem with forgiveness and letting go.  She just refused to own what she did to me.  The alcoholism, poverty, marriage to a pre-op transsexual (which in reality was a lesbian relationship) - parentification.  I could go on. My childhood was hell and I was so ashamed of who I was. 

So now it's no contact - not to punish her for non-compliance.  I simply can't be in a relationship with someone who refuses to own their stuff. 
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