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Glad to hear DH is handling her and not brought her up. Perhaps you can continue to grow confidence in his abilities.

But yeah... She is gone and kitty is here. Kitty needs you. Not her.

Hang in there!

Common Behaviors / Re: behavior and thought processes in this article?
« Last post by Nicholas on Yesterday at 07:49:30 PM »
To me it seems like a fairly normal, if overwrought, parental reaction to a kid that is in the process of leaving the nest.

I have one, on my arm, high enough that a t-shirt will cover it. I got it when I was 20 and stupid. I regret it to this day. I remember my parents shaking their heads in disapproval.

My sister is covered with dozens, from her neck on down. Truth be told, most are beautiful and so is she (at the moment). The problem is that once she starts to get old her skin will sag and the ink will fade and the fine lines will blur. Maybe then she will realize her mistake.
Unchosen Relationships / Re: Deep breath---MIL
« Last post by Love always on Yesterday at 07:46:34 PM »
Thank you for all of your replies. Every single point is an issue that DH and I have already discussed. He's going to get to do some reading when he gets home.

I do believe that you earn your way out of any relationship. It's important for me to say I tried EVERYTHING possible and unfortunately it didn't work out. So the 3 year conversation is important. Case in point my mom is continuing to do well. I doubt it's perfect but the issues between my parents are now contained to between them--I don't hear every little snippet and mom and I are doing better than we ever have. So it's worth fighting for.

The problem has been put out before my in laws. It's their decision to address it or ignore it. But actions have consequences.
Unchosen Relationships / Re: Grief
« Last post by MotherMoon on Yesterday at 07:46:28 PM »
I'm so sorry....

My mother was nowhere near me during my miscarriages either.    In the proper order of things, we would have a caring mother there to wipe our tears and hold our hand.   No one that would turn the conversation to difficult waters.  Just someone to hold us and say "It's going to be ok.  We are here grieving with you.

So, in a way, you have several layers of grief.  That's a lot to handle right now.  So, be kind to yourself .    :hug:
Unchosen Relationships / Re: "But they're your parents!"
« Last post by GarbageChild on Yesterday at 07:46:10 PM »
...she knows people who have a parent(s) in prison for murder and yet they will still have a relationship with that parent.
Sometimes, talking on the phone through a glass window with armed guards watching is the only safe way to have a safe relationship with some people.
Unchosen Relationships / Re: Weird Tirades & NM
« Last post by Isadore on Yesterday at 07:44:44 PM »
OMG Spring13!  You are the first person I've encountered who understands this!  THANK YOU! 

Yes, you are so on track.  How did this affect you?  Did you believe her?  That really messed with my head in a huge way.  I'm still paranoid about people sometimes, thinking that everyone hates me.  I hate feeling that way cause intellectually I know it's false but emotionally it hurts. 
Yes, trying to counter did make her worse. 
Unchosen Relationships / Re: Loads of anger. (kind of a rant/offload..)
« Last post by water on Yesterday at 07:25:10 PM »
The hardest time in my life was a lot like yours. Divorcing the ex and the FOO taking his side. They didn't take his side because I did anything wrong, but as the SG, I am always in the wrong and they've always been disloyal to their children in times of crisis.

They called me after that all started, while breezily on vacation in Alaska. "Could you accept a shipment of a few hundred pounds of halibut and have it frozen for us?"
My answer: No (I was tired of being at their beck and call and here I'm emotionally bankrupt from my stbex and they are needing me more and more.)
I said: Why don't you call my sister, I have my hands full right now.

Since then, they called my sister, that was all 17 years ago now, and even last month my mom was shoving in my face that 'sister is much better than I am'......ah, thank you very much that's another reason I see no reason to call and talk to you.

So anyways, friends are God's apology for family. You'll need your friends around you right now. It's okay to need friends. And yeah, it sucks to have lousy family. :bighug:
Unchosen Relationships / Re: Need some guidance
« Last post by Blacklab788 on Yesterday at 07:16:39 PM »
Why do they have these people going around
Asking where I am at? Is this control? Or
Why are they pumping others for info?
Why can't they apologize ? All I get from
Them is why are you treating us so rudely?
Uh hello you were the one who said mean
Things why should I reward your bad behavior
When you will do it again am I right
Or am I wrong ?
Chosen Relationships / Re: Help.
« Last post by Tiptoe on Yesterday at 07:09:14 PM »
Dory, I have been following your story and this thread, and I don't have a lot to add here that everyone else has already said. I only want to say that I remember so very well being where you are right now, and it's exhausting, especially because of the periods of time of racing thoughts. I hope it's okay with you - I am keeping you in my prayers. Please rest as much and as best you can during these trying and exhausting days. He is indeed hoovering, and it's one of the most painful things about leaving, the pulling your emotions every which way.

Hope to see an update from you soon. Best to you!
Common Behaviors / Re: behavior and thought processes in this article?
« Last post by water on Yesterday at 06:57:53 PM »
I read the article.
I dislike tattoos too because your body is His temple.
The problem I see is that she thinks it is her business. Her stuff/his stuff.
He is still the same person, and his tattoo is his preference.
Her boundaries are all messed up.

I think I'd be that upset and in a tizzy if he had ME tattooed without my knowledge, not a tattoo on HIS body, and easily hidden under a dress shirt.

One of my kids had medical problems as an adult and I loaned him money. Then I saw him spend money on a huge wasteful thing while at the same time, he decided not to pay me back. I stewed privately for a year, gave it up, and he can't expect me to help him financially the next time he gets himself in a bind. We don't even need to talk about it, he knows intuitively that he blew borrowing money from me. I still love him very much. They make mistakes but it is about THEIR life not the parents' lives.
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