Recent posts
#61
Dealing with PD In-Laws / Re: He gets it from his mom!
Last post by sunshine702 - April 21, 2024, 07:19:04 PMAlthough with my attachment style I feel like a I am in the world with suddenly no skin. It is honestly painful. My nervous system is shaking and in pain. For Anxious attachment this is honestly like a death- which is why endured the abuse and reading my posts here — this is abuse loving partners comfort the oh honeys as I say not the rages.
Once I get to that apartment I know I can take care of myself. It's not going to look super glamour but like me eating. Soft things right know. I am doing it
Once I get to that apartment I know I can take care of myself. It's not going to look super glamour but like me eating. Soft things right know. I am doing it
#62
Chosen Relationships / Re: Question about Malintent
Last post by square - April 21, 2024, 05:37:34 PMWishing you strength and peace.
#63
Dealing with PD Siblings and other Family Members / Re: NPD Father made NPD Sister...
Last post by Wildfire - April 21, 2024, 05:36:30 PMI am in Tennessee. My mother and my stepdad are "flying monkeys" as is my father. My sister (NPD)is very scary and has rage issues. The entire family is afraid of her. They lived here for years and I lived a couple states away. My adult kids and I (I am 57 but no grandkids) wanted to move closer to my mom and dad so we could help care for them and spend whatever time they have left all together. They welcomed us wholeheartedly but over the past few years we have realized that they are extremely enmeshed and cultish. We all live within a 15 mile radius and yet we are not privy to secrets (such as both my nieces getting married) or gatherings that are for only them-the "inner circle". If I find out about a gathering or event that we are not invited to I bring it up to my mom but she just says "talk to your sister I don't make these decisions". My sister does not communicate well and usually just says "we" do this every year or "we" just thought you wouldn't want to go, etc. Then she goes on a mission to find out who told me so she can scream and threaten them. My kids have no idea how to deal with this. When I bring it up to my dad he defends my sister and does not believe she would do anything like that. That is because she is super sweet to my dad because of the money he has and the will. She lives in a huge house that I have just found out was bought and paid for by my dad and she gives her a large monthly allowance so she doesn't have to work because she has lupus. He has bought my nieces and there kids college tuitions, cars and furniture but has never offered my kids anything. I had no idea all of this was going on because I didn't have the mobility to visit very often. I am floored. I always was told that my mom and dad were going to split our inheritance equally but now I know that is not the case.
I hate to have to get an attorney (it will cause WW3) to make sure everything is done according to his will but I feel my future which will almost assuredly be in an assisted living facility will not be possible because I won't be able to afford it. My neice has confided in me that my mother has changed her will to just include my sister and her family. My mom and I had always been close but when I asked my mom about this she just said that it was not appropriate for me to ask.
I knew my sister has always been narcissistic and unhinged, but I had no idea she could be so back stabbing and manipulative. I am floored.
I hate to have to get an attorney (it will cause WW3) to make sure everything is done according to his will but I feel my future which will almost assuredly be in an assisted living facility will not be possible because I won't be able to afford it. My neice has confided in me that my mother has changed her will to just include my sister and her family. My mom and I had always been close but when I asked my mom about this she just said that it was not appropriate for me to ask.
I knew my sister has always been narcissistic and unhinged, but I had no idea she could be so back stabbing and manipulative. I am floored.
#64
Chosen Relationships / Re: Question about Malintent
Last post by Tryingtounderstand - April 21, 2024, 05:08:49 PMI left my home for the 2nd time in two years today. I have been running on anger and resentment. As i was settling in(bedroom in house) it hit me hard the reality of what i have been through. This is only the calm before the storm and i hope i can remain strong. Leaving this toxic relationship has been the hardest thing i have ever had to do. I am full of mixed emotions and self doubt. Hats off to the ones that made it out intact. I really hope there is a light at the end. I wish everyone the best here. This is hard especially when close friends and family cant understand what i describe. It took me two years of trying to understand. Be well:)
#65
Common Behaviors / Re: Out the door “I was lookin...
Last post by Rebel13 - April 21, 2024, 05:00:55 PMQuote from: square on April 20, 2024, 06:21:01 PMBait to lure you back in, that's it.
Nailed it.
#66
Friends, Neighbors, Acquaintances and Coworkers / Re: Fired a friend today
Last post by Rebel13 - April 21, 2024, 04:59:32 PMNot at all! I love the conversations and sharing. 
#67
Going No Contact with a PD Parent / Re: They really didn’t want me...
Last post by Rebel13 - April 21, 2024, 04:52:46 PMHi Serendipity, thank you so much for writing this! It reminds me so much of how I also am at work and how it relates back to my mother's training. I have suffered serious anxiety at all my jobs until my most recent one. Especially hard for me were periods when there was not much for me to do. If I wasn't busy (justifying my existence) the anxiety would creep back and I would start to worry that I was going to be fired. I kept as compulsively busy as I could for a bunch of years. As I look back now I can see that I've been taking concrete steps to lessen the anxiety and allow myself to be "normal" in terms of work ethic and performance, like not having to finish every task immediately, giving myself time to think about the best way to solve complex problems.
But I was driving around this morning thinking about your post and I realized how much pressure I still put on myself to make sure I am LIKED at work -- by which I really mean a lot of placating, fawning behavior that I don't like about myself very much. I have set a couple of boundaries with coworkers lately which is, again, some improvement to be proud of, but yes, always more layers to peel off, right?
But I was driving around this morning thinking about your post and I realized how much pressure I still put on myself to make sure I am LIKED at work -- by which I really mean a lot of placating, fawning behavior that I don't like about myself very much. I have set a couple of boundaries with coworkers lately which is, again, some improvement to be proud of, but yes, always more layers to peel off, right?
#68
The Welcome Mat / Re: Introduction & About Me
Last post by notrightinthehead - April 21, 2024, 04:09:53 PMWelcome! You can do the NC slowly as you are doing now. And there is no need to ever tell them. Just slowly, gently fade them out of your life.
#69
Last Days / After the Funeral / Re: Thought I Was Planning A F...
Last post by notrightinthehead - April 21, 2024, 04:06:15 PMHow painful that experience is and what joy for you and your husband on his improved health! I wish you much more good times together. I agree with you, leave such nasty people as the family seems to be behind. Spend time and energy with people who bring goodness to your life.
#70
Dealing with PD Siblings and other Family Members / Re: NPD Father made NPD Sister...
Last post by Poison Ivy - April 21, 2024, 03:44:33 PM