Recent posts
#21
Working on Us / Re: Small steps almost a year ...
Last post by losingmyself - Yesterday at 06:18:22 AMNot Right, I don't know, honestly. If I did, I ignored it. She said she told me, but I don't remember. If she didn't, or I thought he'd be different with me, or if I thought I could change him, I can't tell you.
I do know that he lied to me from the jump and I believed him. I feel like a fool.
I do know that he lied to me from the jump and I believed him. I feel like a fool.
#22
Separating & Divorcing / Re: Is every discussion of the...
Last post by sunshine702 - Yesterday at 02:58:10 AMYeah forgive me I am sort of new to BPD. I do know S was formally diagnosed with it. I do know his career in Addiction is focused on DBT (trying to fix him)
I also realize I have been raged at for years. I am a very beaten dog at this point.
I do think about "what about ME!our life is about HIM I get to orbit around conveniently to his family.
I think about his rages at a pursed lip (really!). This is ridiculous. But I realize he would NEVER do that to Kenlee (slap her cup out of her hand). So he can control it and it comes to me. And I am done. New life. Me life
Movers at 9
I also realize I have been raged at for years. I am a very beaten dog at this point.
I do think about "what about ME!our life is about HIM I get to orbit around conveniently to his family.
I think about his rages at a pursed lip (really!). This is ridiculous. But I realize he would NEVER do that to Kenlee (slap her cup out of her hand). So he can control it and it comes to me. And I am done. New life. Me life
Movers at 9
#23
Separating & Divorcing / Re: Is every discussion of the...
Last post by Rose1 - Yesterday at 12:33:24 AMThe book I hate you, don't leave me was one that sort of started to make sense of the mess.
It doesn't make sense but in a weird way it does. I don't have to do anything to fix it because it's all you and you're painted black, but on the other hand you do have your uses.
So I will leave (exbpdh did that) but you better be phoning me up and begging me to come back and if you don't you will pay for it for years.
There's not much rational thinking at all. I believe abandonment runs very deep, likely back to childhood.
It doesn't make sense but in a weird way it does. I don't have to do anything to fix it because it's all you and you're painted black, but on the other hand you do have your uses.
So I will leave (exbpdh did that) but you better be phoning me up and begging me to come back and if you don't you will pay for it for years.
There's not much rational thinking at all. I believe abandonment runs very deep, likely back to childhood.
#24
Working on Us / Re: Small steps almost a year ...
Last post by notrightinthehead - Yesterday at 12:07:19 AMOf course you are different. You have had experiences that forced you to learn something about others and yourself that changed you. You are not the person who ignored the red flags and walked into your PD experience. ( Hopefully)
May I be curious? If your best friend was your ex's previous partner, did you not know that he was a difficult person?
May I be curious? If your best friend was your ex's previous partner, did you not know that he was a difficult person?
#25
Separating & Divorcing / Re: Is every discussion of the...
Last post by winter storm - April 23, 2024, 11:57:08 PMWhen we would argue, my partner would literally go to the door and open it. The message was, I think....if you are not happy or are angry, dissatisfied with me, you can leave.
#26
Working on Us / Small steps almost a year out
Last post by losingmyself - April 23, 2024, 09:12:58 PMAlmost a year away from my X. No contact feels great! I'm getting better, trying to spread my wings a little. Very much enjoying my first spring alone!
I reached out to an old friend who happens to be my X's first wife! We were best friends, and I missed her terribly. We have reconnected and we're enjoying our rekindled friendship. I am so happy to have her in my life again!
She did say something the other day that I guess only someone close to me could see. She said that she knows that I'm healing, but I am different than I used to be. More reserved, more quiet, not as bubbly. I guess I hadn't considered it, thinking I was doing well. She said she knows it'll take a while, but he changed me. I have some more work to do, or maybe I'm just going to be different. Time will tell.
But I love the peace, even if it comes with a bit of loneliness.
Can't wait to plant flowers!!
Happy spring, friends!!
I reached out to an old friend who happens to be my X's first wife! We were best friends, and I missed her terribly. We have reconnected and we're enjoying our rekindled friendship. I am so happy to have her in my life again!
She did say something the other day that I guess only someone close to me could see. She said that she knows that I'm healing, but I am different than I used to be. More reserved, more quiet, not as bubbly. I guess I hadn't considered it, thinking I was doing well. She said she knows it'll take a while, but he changed me. I have some more work to do, or maybe I'm just going to be different. Time will tell.
But I love the peace, even if it comes with a bit of loneliness.
Can't wait to plant flowers!!
Happy spring, friends!!
#27
Separating & Divorcing / Re: Is every discussion of the...
Last post by moglow - April 23, 2024, 07:49:46 PMSunshine, there's actually a book "I hate you, don't leave me" - siren song of the BPD individual. He's reacting, not thinking. You're changing the script and that's scary.
Baby steps they may be, but keep moving forward and OUT.
Baby steps they may be, but keep moving forward and OUT.
#28
Separating & Divorcing / Re: Is every discussion of the...
Last post by square - April 23, 2024, 07:48:59 PMI got the idea that in this case it was a method of control, but sure, PDs certainly can scream at people to leave as a response to fear of abandonment.
It's irrational, hence dysfunctional, but there is a weird emotional pseudo logic.
"You can't reject me because I reject you first!"
"I will punish you for what you have done!"
"
It's irrational, hence dysfunctional, but there is a weird emotional pseudo logic.
"You can't reject me because I reject you first!"
"I will punish you for what you have done!"
"
#29
Separating & Divorcing / Re: Is every discussion of the...
Last post by sunshine702 - April 23, 2024, 07:42:28 PMI don't understand the Fear of Abandonment with the screaming at me to leave and throwing my things out of the house.
These are the exact opposite things. This makes no darn rational sense
These are the exact opposite things. This makes no darn rational sense
#30
Friends, Neighbors, Acquaintances and Coworkers / Re: Fired a friend today
Last post by walking on broken glass - April 23, 2024, 06:08:02 PMLucky that this happened on your last session! Imagine if you had to deal with her throughout...