My PD went to a "domestic battery intervention program per his own volition" for over a year. It taught him that he can't hit me, and how to abuse me in other more subtle ways. Basically he learned how to twist the abuse back on me, and he now points out every single thing that I do that he considers abusive.
I didn't feed the dogs tonight - animal abuse / control / manipulation
I won't have sex - withholding sex
I won't give him money or let him use things I buy - financial abuse
I call him an asshole when he as been yelling at me for hours - verbal abuse
I ask him to smell a shirt after he swears he didn't spray chemicals on it - physical abuse / assault
I ask him when he is leaving - control / manipulation
I buy a dress for myself - financial abuse / lying
The list goes on an on.
I said that I think too much damage has occurred.
I agree. Even if you miss the hell out of him, in the back of your mind, you will always be afraid that he will lash out again. I know I am. It makes me re-think so many things that I do or say. It's a subtle form of abuse.
I am one to talk, because I haven't left, and I can only imagine how difficult what you are going through must be. But don't give in again. The percentage of men that change after an "domestic battery program" is very small.
I stuck around to see if the program would help, and all it did was create more FOG. The things he accuses me of, and the things he learned in that class may come back to bite me in the ass. I'm sure he has started documenting the things I do with the intentions of making me out to be the abuser. He knows the line that he can't cross, and he dances up to it and on it frequently. Doing just enough to piss me off, make my life miserable, and mind fuck me, all while knowing that I can't do a damn thing about it.
I wish I had told the police what he did when he did it. I wish I was as strong as you are! I am still coming to terms with the fact that the good man that I miss, is the same man that beat me, broke my things, and verbally abused me for years. They are one in the same. You can't have one without the other.