« Last post by 1footouttadefog on Yesterday at 11:42:43 PM »
Agreed, once you get past the initial few paragraphs, it becomes a valuable read.
Armchair expert here!
You said you met this guy thanks to "mutual acquaintances?" What were those people thinking?!!! No, I mean, really. How did they think you would be compatible with him?!
But, yes...I've had those kind of set-ups...SIGH...My advice: TRUST THOSE INSTINCTS OF YOURS!
"Smart guys that have things in common with you" (or me) are a dime a dozen, frankly.
This guy actually agitated ME!!!... Sorry to be blunt, but just reading about your experience getting to know him gave me flashbacks! Perhaps it's because I've known "that guy." Ugh. Your post could have been a page from my younger self's journal.
Your reaction is completely normal, APPROPRIATE, thank goodness!
Whether this dude is a narcissist or self-absorbed or cynical/depressed an/or rude or some combination....we may never know...
but, such a glaring lack of interest and reciprocity--especially at the outset, is a huge red flag. Don't accept this.
In the very least, he sounds RUDE. If you spend time around people who don't value you, your self-esteem will swiftly plummet, I guarantee that.
He's not even "friend material"....much less worthy of a romantic relationship. Don't waste any further energy, or time trying to figure him out. And don't settle with Mr. Indifferent, no matter what!
Wow, thanks for the great reply! And I love arm chair experts! They can be the best sometimes!
You really made me feel better, especially when I read that just reading about my interaction with him was agitating to you.
Whew! I am not crazy!
I actually sent him a few follow up e-mails, wherein I tried to encourage him to not stay in such a negative state, and to be unafraid to grow and have a bright future, but he has not answered.
I already feel like I put WAY more into this guy than he ever lifted a finger to put into me, and I never even got to our first date! lol
Nor did I even get a "thanks!"
It seems to me that he is the type who is highly resistant to change, which as far as I know, may be a further suggestion of narcissism, although I realize no one can know for sure. He might just be really mad that I told him he needs to work on his interpersonal skills with women.
As for how we were introduced... I have wondered the same thing!
The individuals in question had very nice things to say about him. In fact, they were from CHURCH, and get this... he is, as far as I can tell, rather close with the PRIESTS from the church!
I do not know how no one sees that this guy might be nice in a lot of ways (he seems to volunteer a lot of his time to help them out with things, which is great) but needs to learn some basic skills.
As for me, I definitely want to learn and grow, and so if anyone has any further advice, feel free to share! Even if it is just to send some tips about my actions my way.
Sorry, A4P, that your mom managed to make you feel so alone while you were surrounded by family and friends at your gathering. It’s an amazing ability they have, isn’t it? I could totally see mine doing something similar (I have no kids, but the basic idea, yes, totally).I think this is probably very accurate. How many different ways and times am I to give her very chances to connect? I'm not bending over backwards, for sure. I'm not asking for a heart-to-heart. I'm not making much effort at all, but I am making some effort and it's (as always) far more than she is making. I do care if she's in pain but I am so weary from holding up relationships nearly single handedly.
I’m wondering if your mom is actually really hurt, but is completely incapable of self soothing and reaching out to address it with you honestly – so instead, she has to push you away and let you know just how much she doesn’t need you.
Sort of an “I’ll show you!”
The thing is, there’s plausible deniability all over the place here, so there’s no point in confronting her on it. You would be made out to be “oh so sensitive”. But I am upset for you because she seems to be trying to drive a wedge between you and your kids.
So, no good suggestions, but I’m sorry. Best wishes for DH’s surgery and recovery.