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Good for you!  Having a weekend to focus on yourself is what you need.

About my FIL...............well, he was her enabler, flying monkey and not a happy person.  He passed away four years ago.

In the beginning of my marriage, he would look at me with eyes that could kill.  You see, I didn't play the game and keep my NMIL happy.  I was considered the defiant one.  I didn't know it at the time, but when I didn't comply to MILs demands, he caught hell when they returned home.

He had the choice not to enable her, but he chose to remain one.

Towards the last ten years or so of his life, he wanted so bad to divorce her, but didn't.  He would talk to my H about it.  He asked my H for information about PDs.  I ran them off and he agreed, she had a PD, but he still stayed with her.

Since that time onward, he treated me better.  So, I didn't have a chance to go NC when my FIL was alive.

If I knew then what I know now, I probably would have gone LC with him instead of NC.  Reason is, she was always with him. 

Sad thing is, it took my FILs passing to open up my H's eyes.  This is a tough spot you're in, it really is.

Anyway,you enjoy your weekend, you deserve it!

Chosen Relationships / Re: Disgusting
« Last post by sweettheresap on Today at 08:11:57 AM »
I know oneness and I'm trying to be careful. I'm just so confused, I guess I cannot wrap my brain around any of this. The "clues" lead me nowhere because, again  my mind cannot comprehend this level of....whatever this is. I don't get it. I can't figure it out. And why, of why didn't I get suspicious sooner, when I actually could have gotten into his email/Facebook, I just wasn't really interested. I NEVER in a million years expected this much secrecy and weirdness. I always thought he was brutally honest, that was pretty much the only thing I could say about him that was somewhat positive, he didn't seem to lie. Truth is, he didn't HAVE to because I was too afraid to confront him when something seemed off. Lord....
Chosen Relationships / Re: Should I break NC to try to calm him. HELP
« Last post by Oneness on Today at 08:07:28 AM »
Sent you a PM.
Chosen Relationships / Re: Should I break NC to try to calm him. HELP
« Last post by Oneness on Today at 08:04:20 AM »
Call the police if he shows up. Just do it. Say you are afraid of him.
Chosen Relationships / Re: Should I break NC to try to calm him. HELP
« Last post by mischa1 on Today at 08:01:20 AM »
I found a DV hotline for my city. God I need sleep. I'm so tired but haven't slept in days. His sister says he's trashed and doesn't understand why I left bc he didn't do anything wrong. He really thinks I left for no reason.

Thank you so much for your responses. I was thinking breaking NC would make it worse. He's so far gone. No one has ever seen him like this. This bad. So no one knows what to do. I know if I gave in and gave him those keys tonight he would be back tomorrow for something else. He thinks I have things I don't have. So what happens when he shows up demanding something that doesn't exist.

This sucks.
Unchosen Relationships / How should I treat FIL who is an enabler?
« Last post by NPDMILproblem on Today at 07:59:15 AM »
I know I've read more than once to go NC with enablers also.
But there's a big difference between MIL NPD who is out to actively ruin my marriage and make my DH hate me basically and estrange him from all the rest of his family.
And her infantalised and smeared enabler H who is a victim as much as my DH and SIL are.

Of course she triangulates him so he has no phone, no own wallet, does not go anyplace without her etc. So seeing or talking to him on his own is rare. And I'm VLC with MIL, so it would be difficult (if at all desirable) to see FIL without her.

But say the instance should occur that I do bump into him and she's not within earshot. Should I just practice medium chill on him too and talk about the weather? Or should I say, "You know, you're daughter is being scapegoated by your wife, there's nothing wrong with her. How can you just stand by?"

I guess I shouldn't mention SIl on second thought, as that then can be involving her in a way.
But I'd LOVE to end the triangulation with the dad - get him to communicate with us away from Nmom. The couple of times I've met him on his own have been great. No problems. He's great with our kids too. As soon as she's around it's all yelling and drama and he's totally passive and doesn't even play with the kids. Just hides behind a paper.

It would also be great for my DH to end triangulation with his dad - cause then he only has to "lose" one parent to NC. I know my Dh loves his parents and doesn't want to lose contact with them really. It would mean a great deal if his dad could stop enabling and get OOTF. Ending triangulation could be a start to that?

Any thoughts? Thanks   :wave:
Chosen Relationships / Re: Disgusting
« Last post by Oneness on Today at 07:55:32 AM »
This is all pretty disturbing...he has a secret life, and I have a bad feeling about it. Please be careful.
Mischa, I just wanted to apologize for the typo in your name in my first post. Went back and retread it and realized damn auto correct changed it! Lord, gotta love technology correcting us lol
Chosen Relationships / Re: Should I break NC to try to calm him. HELP
« Last post by Oneness on Today at 07:53:23 AM »
Don't break NC, it will only set you back. You open the door a crack, they either slip back in or make your life even more hell. I say, if he shows up again, call the police and report him for causing a disturbance and harassment.

Will there be time in the near future that you can get an RO? Do you know anyone that can stay with you? Can you find a DV shelter where you can get some free advice?
Unchosen Relationships / Re: You love me? Then prove it.
« Last post by new4me2014 on Today at 07:50:08 AM »
Oh WomanInterrupted Yes.. my mother pulls that pouty thing every once in awhile also. She will hang her head and say.. Oh I understand.. your busy.. It's ok don't worry about it. I will just figure something out.. really its no big deal.

GRRRR!! Sometimes she would even go as far as throwing in how I'm a better mother than her. That never made sense to me. I never said anything to her about being a bad mom. Her N didn't even start until I was an adult. I mean she always treated my sister better than me but I didn't really take it to heart. Like I didn't know it was wrong for a long time. I never had any resentment towards her or my sister for it.

Then after I got out on my own and was married with kids is when it started. Maybe she just had fleas until something triggered it. She is the same way with my sister but my sister feeds into it. She babys her and gives into her.. but she is very well paid for it too.. My mom is always sending her money.
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