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Chosen Relationships / Re: Rude? A Statement? Clueless? Ugh!
« Last post by KD5FUL on Today at 08:22:01 PM »
Johnny Boy--I agree with you.  It is not about Male Privilege (Although that is a REAL thing, but is better for another discussion) it is about Control and Abuse. 



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Chosen Relationships / Re: the dog
« Last post by mekame on Today at 08:20:19 PM »
Kd5ful and tearful-  I didn't take your posts as offensive. I did want to clarify the whole situation tho for anyone else that didn't know the whole story.

As for gone, I did find it very offensive. This is supposed to be a safe place for us where we aren't going to be attacked bc someone doesn't take the time to find out the whole story before jumping to a conclusion, making wrong accusations and attackig someone.

Again, mischa, freed and not- thank you for understanding and supporting me and defending me.
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I'd say it is also a control issue.  She's controlling you, and once you do what she wants (make breakfast, go to a restaurant) she controls you again, or at least screws up your emotions, by refusing what she just wanted.  It's maddening. 
My NM wanted lactose free egg nog during chemo.  The doctor had told her it was a good source of nutrition.  We couldn't find it locally, but a co-worker of mine was kind enough to get some for us because she lived across the state line and had a store that carried it.  Once I had it, NM refused to drink it.  Her reason was that she couldn't be sure it was kept cold enough not to spoil while my co-worker had it in her car.  It was winter, with a temperature well below freezing!  :stars:  I paid my co-worker for it, then poured it down the drain.
I'm glad for you that the visit is almost over. :)
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The Cafe / YAY! Getting out of debt!
« Last post by fishbird on Today at 08:17:39 PM »
Sold the car recently! Now we don't have a car payment, or any other debts beside the house.

 :fireworks:

Just gotta fix up the old rig we have, and save up for a cheap commuter point A to point B used vehicle around 2~3k eventually.

So happy! I'm glad we'll be able to save even more. MIL is all butthurt we sold the car, but she can go rain on other people's parade, and keep on buying new cars every few years til she's broke. Finally something me and H can agree on for the time being.
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Working on Us / Re: It was risky, but it was good.
« Last post by RiverRat on Today at 08:17:14 PM »
Sick, frantic me was calling her out on lies, manipulation, gaslighting, game playing, etc etc etc long before I even knew what those things were.

Wow.  Talk about validation of your own gut feelings. This really is a testament of your strength.  In my practice I told the children I came in contact with to always trust their inner voice. We get the truth beaten out of us either verbally, emotionally, or physically to the point we stop trusting that little voice inside that we were given. I'm working on reclaiming that voice.

 :bighug: Really sorry that you didn't have a real mother. That hurts.  Really glad you have a true and trusted friend in real life, too.
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Common Behaviors / Re: Does your PD blatantly lie to you?
« Last post by KD5FUL on Today at 08:15:49 PM »
" It's like he created a script in his head without finding out if it reflected my actual reaction. " 

 :yeahthat: :yeahthat: :yeahthat: :yeahthat:


I could not have said it more perfectly!
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Common Behaviors / Re: Can you ever relax with a PD
« Last post by KD5FUL on Today at 08:13:46 PM »
Lovely, you are completely correct.  The same is true of my NPDh, too.

As soon he sees that I am happy/content/relaxed---then he MUST do something to upset my peaceful/happy spirits.  It is almost as if he cannot feel comfortable unless I am suffering.

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Separating & Divorcing / Re: Filed for divorce yesterday - relieved
« Last post by RisingStar on Today at 08:11:23 PM »
It's great to hear you feeling so determined and relieved. That was a huge huge step.

Of course things are vague. They will continue to be so until things start to settle down a bit, and that's OK too.

BTW, this made me LOL in a good way, maybe because it's so true when dealing with personality disordered individuals:
One good thing about expecting the worst is that anything else seems pretty good. 
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Committed to Working On It / Re: PD getting better?
« Last post by Trixie on Today at 08:09:48 PM »
Thanks for the support guys it means a lot & congrats Ruby, that's a massive step - good for you! I love the running/biking image too ;)

RF- I can really relate to you feeling like your friends are starting to get frustrated. There's really only so much they can take or understand which is why we are all so important to each other. I feel like i'll be needing the support from this forum more than ever now we've officially separated & the hoovering has begun...
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Excellent ideas from many of the posters about checking into your legal rights.  And also about leaving your mother right where she is.  Also, is your POA activated?  Once the doctors have diagnosed that a person is no longer capable of making their own decisions, activated POA means alot more.  The place where she is at should have a social worker, counselor, or charge nurse who can help guide you through this process. 
My NM hated her home care case worker, until she hated me even more.  Then the case worker was her "friend" and was "on my (her) side".  These people are trained to deal with these kinds of problems.  The case worker made the moving arrangements and even drove NM to AL.  I didn't care whose side the case worker was on at that point - she got NM out of my house.
And even if she does move?  It's her foolishness, NOT yours.  Which means any problems she has are NOT your fault, and you don't have to fix them for her.  You've already cared for her by getting her into this place.  If she refuses the help, that doesn't mean that you have to provide it yourself.
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