And she became a hoarder of stuff that was *important* to her, and nobody else. I had to clean around her piles. Ugh. If guests were expected we moved piles into a room and closed the door behind it. Super dysfunctional.
I still wonder how on earth she/they didn't SEE the condition of our house or even worse conditions of the yard as not normal?
Ugh, yes. My mother's house is still insane. She's a 'clean' hoarder but it's still really, really messy and whenever I tried to clean it, by god forbid throwing out some papers or junk, she'd be totally resistant. At Christmas we'd move the piles somewhere for her to 'sort out later', I assume they're still there.
Since both children have left, she's filled up my brother's room with insane amounts of craft hoard, and my room with other junk and crap. She had a go at me for still having clothes in my wardrobe because she needed the space, so one afternoon I went in there, put everything into a charity bag and went to give it away. But she went super twitchy cos she has that mindset of 'but we might use it someday'. It's crazymaking. Never mind I didn't have room to store my no longer wanted clothes at my new place.
I kind of forgot how bad it was when I lived in it, and to be honest my room at their house was a tip. It was tiny and I had way too much stuff, and every time I tried to clear it out or give things away, Mum wouldn't let me, or she'd keep things for herself. I had to hide rubbish bags deep in the bin so she wouldn't know I'd done a clean out. Now I've moved out I've become very neat and when I go back to their house (less and less often) I'm always shocked at how messy it is. My ex boyfriend was really shocked when he went to visit for the first time.
And lateness...again, Mum projected the blame for our lateness onto Dad a lot, but she is just as bad. Dad is late for things because he's selfish and lives in his own world; he just doesn't leave enough time and he isn't affected by others. Mum never leaves enough time to get anywhere or gets distracted by stupid things. We meet for lunch once a week and she's late every. single. week and blames the traffic (so just leave earlier???). When I used to go with her to church, she'd be late by at least 10 minutes if not longer. One time she tried to blame it on me and I refused, it was pretty funny cos she had to backtrack in front of someone else. Amazing. Anyway, after a while I decided to let her own the lateness and I started arriving at church 5 minutes early. Her lateness being her own problem became readily apparent.
As far as I'm aware she's consistently late to work but as she's largely sole charge, gets away with it.
We've also nearly missed flights/ferries etc. due to combined parental lateness. As a result I am REALLY careful with my timekeeping on major things. Also, minor things...I'd rather just be early than deal with the stress of being late. Lateness from other people really offends and irritates me, but I think I overreact to it thanks to my upbringing.