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Hi Clara,

Thank you for your reply!

You know, I read the Sociopath Next Door and all of the characteristics fit another PD friend, with whom I am NC.  (This blog helped strengthen my resolution to break ties with her.)  I think there is also a certain amount of truth to this PD friend using me. 

The Sociopath Next Door was really an eye-opener. 

If you have an extra moment, I am going to post an unfortunate twist to this whole situation.
I actually deleted the chrome and google apps from my phone entirely and then reinstalled - I had been logged out of another forum that uses the same software, but that one had just logged me out and didn't give me a banned message (I wasn't banned from that one either!). It's fine now, thanks. that was bizarre.
Both sets of parents are doing this now with family information. I've referred to it as weaponizing information, using it as a tool of withholding. Actually, uNBPDmil did this all along, and then would gasp to me, "Oh, didn't you knoooooowwwww?" It was a painful dynamic for my relationship with her. I guess if you don't have any power, you can at least control the flow of information.

I think this is most likely what was happening because my grandmother also carried out a dedicated smear campaign against my mother after my parents basically just said "you can't abuse our children". My parents never even cut off or disowned my grandparents, they cut off and disowned my mother because she would not allow them to abuse us and carry on what was done to her. My parents are heroes in my eyes for this, but my grandparents were obviously not great people.
Common Behaviors / Re: Typical difficulty
« Last post by Julian R on Today at 06:25:39 AM »
It can be a bit of a no win situation can't it?

I can be criticised for being uncommunicative, secretive, vague ... on the one hand (and I admit that these would be weaknesses I have grown up with)

But on the other hand if I express an opinion or say what I want then she can be quite dismissive, defensive ... unpleasant ... so this just discourages me back into adopting my default not saying a lot mode.

So frustrating and sad  ::)
Separating & Divorcing / Re: Is he testing me? Playing petty games?
« Last post by HotCocoa on Today at 06:16:03 AM »
I wouldn't talk to him at all.  If he has something to say to you, tell him to email you.  This way, you can go back to it later on FOR the court to read if necessary.  I would cease all verbal communication.  Judges will read emails, they may not listen to recordings.
If there is something he has that you want from the house, again, let him put that in writing that he will give it to you.
I think you need to make a list of everything you want from the house, take it to your attorney then go over with a constable for a one time pick up.  Do not be alone with him.
Separating & Divorcing / Re: Is he testing me? Playing petty games?
« Last post by DancingRain on Today at 06:10:50 AM »
Yes, games that only he know the rules to. Manipulation and control.
Common Behaviors / Re: Typical difficulty
« Last post by DancingRain on Today at 06:06:44 AM »
I find that I always regret speaking up.

Chosen Relationships / Re: Completely absurd marital request!
« Last post by DancingRain on Today at 05:58:22 AM »
Isnt his exaggeration more hurtful to you than the actual truth?. :flat:  Odd.
You are doing a great job seeing through his stuff. The sickness will pass soon. You are more capable than you think you are.
Working on Us / Re: The churning mind.
« Last post by guitarman on Today at 05:50:08 AM »
You are doing so well and must be congratulated.

Little by little you will get it done. It can't be easy for you.

Have you got any friends that can help you? Ask for help when you need it.

Please give yourself some treats. Work them into your day and your end goal.

You do need to look after yourself as no one else will. You need to rest when needed. You need to eat well. You need a good amount of uninterrupted quality sleep. You need some laughter with some friends. You need time off to do some enjoyable things for yourself.

Our monkey minds are always so negative. Just tell them thank you for your input but go away now I'm in charge and I've got this sorted.

You are doing the best you can.

Well done!

Best wishes

Separating & Divorcing / Re: Farewell Tinder ❤️
« Last post by 2nice on Today at 05:25:01 AM »
Loving all the tips and stories. It's great to share with you all.

I have stepped out for a while and truly don't mind.

Why did I not feel like this at 20? My life would've been very different if I didn't play reproductive roulette with PDs and drag my poor kids into it.

Anyway my kids are the best relationships I have. Love them

Makes for good stories however

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