Recent Posts

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Dealing with PD Parents / Re: anxiety over Mother's Day
« Last post by biggerfish on Today at 06:23:00 PM »
I loved reading everyone's perspective on this. And there are as many right ways to handle it as there are disordered families.

As for me, I'm sending a bland card this year. I'm doing it because I feeeeel like it lol and because I no longer give cr*p if I'm sending a mixed message. It's about me and what I want. Selfish to the end...Yup...that's me.  ;D
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:yeahthat: so many stories it's like we are dealing all with the same pd person.  You have to figure out what works for you in your situation as all are different.  I don't quit or give up either, but in life that philosophy can be a really good and bad thing depend it on the circumstances.  I don't think anyone here ever gave up but there is a difference in realizing something wasn't meant for you.  I mean this with all the love I can send you because I get what you mentioned for so long.. I can work harder.. try harder really get my shoulder into this.  In fact not much in my life and I suspect your has this philosophy or work ethic not worked!  I only know for myself that not giving up hurt me, I thought my self a failure but that is not the case with pd people.

I'm just tired. I might just be having a bad day. There's a few items compounding the stress today. I give up, at least for the moment. No one even has to know ;)
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I finally have a lawyer.  cried with relief leaving their office. 

Finally I'm able to fight this without being scared.
I'm so glad for you!!! :hug:
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Yes yes yes. I have experienced similar guilt-trips from my PD parents. As Inurdreams says it, the "slumber party mentality" has always been confusing to me. My parents seem to thrive on the fact that my DH and D, and I are staying in their home. They even state it outright and say they love having all their "chicks back in their nest" (yuck). I hate staying with them and all of us sleep terribly when we do. Two hours is a great distance for being able to just drive home in the evening. I think this boundary is entirely appropriate. Great job on sticking your ground. You're in charge of your life now, and your FOC comes first. If you all don't feel comfortable staying in their home, then don't do it. Period.
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Common Behaviors / Re: Unlocking doors
« Last post by Liftedfog on Today at 06:15:17 PM »
It's a control thing. You are not allowed anything he can't access.  Period. You are to have no privacy.  And if you try to question PD behaviour you will be asked what are you hiding.   So.....just so I didn't have to hear mine rant, I always left door unlocked.  Yes, like jail. 
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The Welcome Mat / Feeling lost
« Last post by natcon1 on Today at 06:13:44 PM »
Hi new here,
I moved home after a longterm relationship break up. It was my only option after been left broke by my ex. Anyway my parents are aging, both suffered strokes over past 2 years. So moving home was beneficial all round.
My father has always been mentally unwell, has been physically, verbally and emotionally abusive to my mother foremost and my siblings also over many years. He has been institutionalized after an incident in a hospital where he went ballistic and smashed doors and broke a staff members wrist.
His age is now contributing to his mentally and cognitive decline. I am now carer for my mother. I cook for both of them and a sibling, I clean, grocery shop, pay bills, take my mom to day care twice a week and to hairdresser etc. I work part time too from home.
This evening whilst feeling totally exhausted after a day of hospital appts, grocery shopping,cleaning the house, cooking etc My mom walked into the kitchen unaided which she isnt allowed to do. She does it anyway because she also has dementia so she forgets. My dad sat there and didnt help and when i said it to him that I was cooking and couldnt be in both rooms at the same time, he went for me.
3 days in a row he has been there when my mum decided to come downstairs on her own, he saw her and did nothing, he said its my job to do it, totally being a dick, knowing im doing something else and a little help would be great.
He is driving me insane, I feel like i am losing my mind. Im so overwhelmed and tired. I hate him so much. He has never been a father other than working to put food on the table for which we should be grateful of course.  At times he with held our food and we went without for days forcing my mother to beg others for money. He takes advice from outsiders because he pretends he is the victim and they see us as the bad people.
I really dont ever want to speak to him again but living in his home is a nightmare but i have to be here now for my mom. He is a horrible evil man. I feel like im been driven insane.
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Dealing with PD Parents / Re: My hero complex
« Last post by WinterTrees on Today at 06:11:00 PM »
I can definitely relate. I think my fantasies of saving people has more to do with the idea that then I would be praised, thanked, and seen as a "good" human being. I rarely got any genuine recognition from my PD parents, and I think if I were to become a 'hero' in a situation, then I could be recognized as having done something undeniably good and valuable. In my fantasies, people would talk about me, stories would be written, people would be thankful, etc. It's very sad, of course, because I think these fantasies of mine could be avoided if my parents had just recognized me for being myself.

Thanks for your post, it made me reflect on this and I hadn't ever before. Peace to you.
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I finally have a lawyer.  cried with relief leaving their office. 

Finally I'm able to fight this without being scared.
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Working on Us / Re: Background Check
« Last post by Ellie307 on Today at 06:02:23 PM »
Siren, I have that fantasy too! Confidently putting a narc in his place. Calling him out on all his ridiculous, obvious behaviors. Practically laughing in his face as I gather my things and walk away with a dismissive wave. Is that sick or what?
Bloomie, thank you for the links and kind words. I was referring more to paying to get background checks on men I've already met. Like an employer would for a new hire. I'm not very interested in online dating.
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Dealing with PD Parents / Re: anxiety over Mother's Day
« Last post by WinterTrees on Today at 06:02:10 PM »
Just want you to know that you're not alone in your anxiety as mother's day approaches. I've really started to hate this holiday (and father's day) so much in the past few years. It's not even a real holiday! It's just a hallmark holiday...or for our generation, a Facebook holiday. I also don't like feeling the societal pressure and guilt to celebrate mom, and I certainly don't resonate with any card I come across.

This year will be especially hard as I initiated very low contact with my uAVPD mom, and NC with my uNf just this week. I wont be acknowledging either holiday, as it would feel disingenuous on my part. I've recently told them both how much they have hurt me, and so I don't plan on sending a card that says "Thanks for being my mom!!" That would send a mixed message and I'm not about that.

Best of luck to you. Holidays are so hard. You're not alone!
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