annie, thanks for your reply and your willingness. that is a rare thing in this world, to be willing to do what it takes. i know how much i love my daughter, and i would do anything for her. your son and grandchildren are lucky to have you and i think with some new focus things can change for the better. there is no distance between hearts and he is a part of you, so the more you can change your inner self and let go of the anger and focus on the love, the better he can become.
he is not going to be able to hear you, if you speak to him directly. he is too much in the ego/mind/ but you already know that. at this point there are some things you can do yourself to change the energetics and to practice this love and commitment and focus it on your intention for the good of all of you. these are things i have done and still do.
its important to surround ourselves with positives and i cans so maybe you can start with a list of things you would like to see happen, without thinking whether they can or not. put them in a journal, and after you do some of these meditations/prayers/practice you will be in a good space to take them out read them and feel like they can happen. this is the time to focus on the new intentions. i would also put some pictures of them for you to look at as a focal point and you can especially send the grand kids love. i do energy work, and its very soothing to picture a rose colored light around them with this feeling of love. this will protect them and help them, since they are probably having a hard time. you can do the same with your son. this is also a good time to speak to them and tell them how you feel. they will receive what you say, especially if you specifically seek to speak to their hearts and souls, and it will bypass the ego so there will be no resistance.
i feel like your son's cup of validation was never filled for whatever reason. so he seeks outer validation to fill up this emptiness. as i mentioned before, even the standard ways western society dictates we treat our children can be very damaging to a child, and some are more sensitive than others. society as a whole is very harsh and damaging as well. if his cup can be made full, than he will cease seeking to fill it.
there is a practice called ho'oponopono that dr hew lin has brought to the rest of the world, it always was a sacred hawaiian practice not known. he was the director of a mental facility and he ran the ward which all of the criminally insane were on. the really dangerous crazy people. he started practicing ho'oponopono and holding each individual file while he did so and focused on each person. all of these people became well,were released as normal people, and they closed the ward. i think if this is possible, than anything is possible. here is a video on you tube you can watch in which he explains and leads a meditation http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-ZfUvdH6Kj4
this has been very healing for me and could also help you and your family. this video is an excerpt from the longer one with joe vitale, also on you tube.
solutions are very important to me, and i do believe anything is possible. for me, it would be more upsetting to just think nothing could be done and wait. i also utilize, as you can tell, the philosophy of if you want to change the outer world, you must change the inner world. that this world is just a mirror of the inner and working hard to change the outer is like trying to comb the hair of the reflection you see in the mirror, if your hair is messed up, for example. it doesnt work. you have to comb your hair, which would represent the inner world of your inner child, the unconscious, the collective conscious or whatever words you like to use. then when you look in the mirror, things have changed. i am a big fan of carl jung and his writings on the collective unconscious. he writes alot about these same things.
the mind does not know the difference between the thoughts we entertain and "reality". science has already proved this and its well known to those who seek to control others. where your attention flows, your energy goes and you feed whatever it is whether it is wanted or unwanted. advertisers spend trillions to get humans attention, as do the media to promote their violence and endless stupidity, because they need the attention since they could not exist without it. this is why we do not watch tv and buy into any of that propaganda and i love this word programming. there is a reason they call it tv programs. its damaging to watch violence or read about it. its far better to focus on solutions and send love and kindness out instead. abraham hicks has a lot of good information on all this as well.
this is why the above exercises will be beneficial to you. when you can have happy conversations, maybe talking about past happy times, or things you would like to have happen when you focus on the pictures and sending love to your family, the mind will think its happening and then will send out this energy and the universe will sooner or later re create this on the physical plane.
i think this will also help you feel better for you will be training yourself to focus on the positive which will therefore allow more positives in your life. as i said before, what do you have to lose in learning to trust the universe is on your side, it wants so much good for all of us. we just have to say yes and be willing to take that first step. this is also why its important to choose to be happy instead of right and to keep cleaning up all of those things that come up. i still do this.
i think this is a good start, and if i have any other ideas i will let you know, and please let me know if you have questions or want to talk some more about all of this. i will continue to hold the vision and see your improved relationships, and smiles on all of your faces.