"If the parents were just held responsible - this kind of thing would never happen."
"The fruit doesn't fall far from the tree"
"Teach a child in the way he should go and he will not deviate far from it"
Chances are you've heard one of the above phrases more than once in your life. You may even have said or thought the same thing yourself as you watched some child behave in a way that suggested that their parents had little or no control over them.
It's just common sense isn't it? Bad parents produce bad kids.
But if you are a parent of a personality-disordered child, those words do not sound like common sense. Those words echo with condemnation from a world that never considered, can't imagine or refuses to believe that children can suffer from the same personality disorders that afflict adults.
After all - we don't blame the parents when a child gets the measles - or a life threatening illness. On the contrary! We extend our support our sympathies and our prayers to parents whose children struggle with physical ailments. Why should we blame the parents when a child gets a mental illness?
But we do.
Who is the Personality Disordered Child?
She is the schoolgirl who teases a weaker child mercilessly.
He is the playground bully.
She is the friend of a child who turns into an enemy overnight, with no warning and no reason, only to become a best friend again the next day.
He is the child who breaks windows.
She is the pregnant teenager.
He is the boy who brings drugs to school.
She is the child who slaps her sister.
He is the kid who they call delinquent.
She is the sweet little girl who took a pill overdose
He is the quiet kid who is cruel to animals.
She is the 10 year old who shoplifts.
There are many forms and shapes of personality disordered kids - and there are many kids who misbehave who do not have a personality disorder. These examples are given as an illustration - not as a diagnosis.
Parenting a Child with a Personality Disorder
Contributed by jrrr
There are extraordinary facets to parenting a person with the traits of a personality disorder.
Whether our child is - by chronological age - an adult, an adolescent, or younger, there just isn't some magic manual for dealing with the frustration, resentment, guilt, helplessness, and all the other states of mind that can overwhelm us and our lives. Then, of course, there is love - always love... even when it seems it may be all dried up, it's not.
One doesn't have to be a biological parent or have the 'traditional nuclear' family to find camaraderie, support, knowledge, and solace in the Parenting section of Out of the FOG [fear, obligation, and guilt]. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, adoptive and foster parents, step-parents, caretakers... all spectrums of those who are responsible for nurturing a child with personality disorder traits can benefit while also contributing to these conversations.
Here we find an opportunity to express ourselves in a special give and take. It's all good...
Five years ago, a photographer, an engineer, a writer, an office manager, a grandmother, a graphic artist, a law student, a husband, a librarian, and a stained-glass artisan came together to connect a diverse, isolated population in search of information, support, and growth as they strive to cope with a family members, spouses or partners who suffer from a personality disorder. Since its launch on November 1, 2007, Out Of The FOG has grown from a fledgling discussion group with 10 participants, to a vibrant community of over 4000 registered members world-wide, with new members joining every day.
On August 31 2012, the Out of the FOG Support Forum crossed two significant milestones - 100,000 member posts and 10,000 topics. Thanks to all who participate and contribute to the OOTF support board, which is a unique source of support to non-personality-disordered individuals all over the world.