Dependent Personality Disorder is a mental illness which results in submissive and clinging behavior, a fear of separation and an inappropriate reliance on others.
The DPD sufferer often feels helpless or unable to cope independently - and frequently and inappropriately seeks to transfer responsibility for their situation or well-being onto another.
It's unusual for DPD to be diagnosed in children, since dependent reliance on adults is considered appropriate in minors. The disorder only has meaning in adults, for whom pervasive dependent tendencies are unhealthy or inappropriate.
People who suffer from DPD generally avoid professional occupations or positions of responsibility and become agitated or anxious when faced with certain routine, sometimes trivial decisions.
People who suffer from DPD often maintain a very small number of relationships with people who provide for them the kind of environment that protects them from having to take responsibility for themselves.
People who suffer from DPD may also exhibit symptoms of other personality disorders such as BPD, HPD or Avoidant Personality Disorder. They are also at an increased risk of: depression; substance abuse, and of suffering abuse at the hands of others.
Dependent Personality Disorder, is believed to occur in about 1 in every 200 adults. It is generally diagnosed more often in women than in men.
It is most commonly diagnosed in young adults.
DPD is rarely, if ever, diagnosed in children for whom such dependent behaviors are generally considered appropriate. Dependent behavior is considered normal in childhood but, for some, this dependent behavior persists and intensifies into adulthood; thus they become diagnosed with this disorder.
Chronic physical illness, Munchausen's Syndrome or Intense separation anxiety in late childhood may be indicative of an early onset of DPD..
Living with a person who suffers from dependent personality disorder can be a frustrating, frightening, destructive experience. Yet despite being so common, few people have even heard of it.
As a caretaker to a person who suffers from Dependent Personality Disorder (DPD), you can find yourself with an ever growing sense of anger and injustice when a capable adult acts like a helpless child.
While it may seem easier in the short run to provide the kind of caretaking that a person with DPD seeks, in the long run you may be doing more harm than good to yourself and to the person you are caring for.
There are other people who have faced or are facing similar circumstances. Some of them are here on this site. We strongly urge you to read some of the stories, learn about coping with this devastating illness and ask your own questions at our message board.
Dependent Personality Disorder Traits
The following list is a collection of some of the more commonly observed behaviors and traits of those who suffer from Dependent Personality Disorder (DPD). Note that these are not intended to be used for diagnosis.People who suffer from DPD are all unique and so each person will display a different subset of traits. Also, note that everyone displays "dependent" behaviors from time to time. Therefore, if a person exhibits one or some of these traits, that does not necessarily qualify them for a diagnosis of Dependent Personality Disorder. See the DSM Criteria on this page for diagnostic criteria.
Click on the links on each trait for much more information about a particular trait or behavior and some ideas for coping with each.
Avoidance - The practice of withdrawing from relationships with other people as a defensive measure to reduce the risk of rejection, accountability, criticism or exposure.
Blaming - The practice of identifying a person or people responsible for creating a problem, rather than identifying ways of dealing with the problem.
Catastrophizing - The habit of automatically assuming a "worst case scenario" and inappropriately characterizing minor or moderate problems or issues as catastrophic events.
Dependency - An inappropriate and chronic reliance by an adult individual on another individual for their health, subsistence, decision making or personal and emotional well-being.
Depression - When you feel sadder than you think you should, for longer than you think you should - but still can't seem to break out of it - that's depression. People who suffer from personality disorders are often also diagnosed with depression resulting from mistreatment at the hands of others, low self-worth and the results of their own poor choices.
Domestic Theft - Consuming or taking control of a resource or asset belonging to (or shared with) a family member, partner or spouse without first obtaining their approval.
Emotional Blackmail - A system of threats and punishments used in an attempt to control someone’s behaviors.
Engulfment - An unhealthy and overwhelming level of attention and dependency on another person, which comes from imagining or believing one exists only within the context of that relationship.
Sense of Entitlement - An unrealistic, unmerited or inappropriate expectation of favorable living conditions and favorable treatment at the hands of others.
Fear of Abandonment - An irrational belief that one is imminent danger of being personally rejected, discarded or replaced.
Feelings of Emptiness - An acute, chronic sense that daily life has little worth or significance, leading to an impulsive appetite for strong physical sensations and dramatic relationship experiences.
FOG - Fear, Obligation & Guilt - The acronym FOG, for Fear, Obligation and Guilt, was first coined by Susan Forward & Donna Frazier in Emotional Blackmail and describes feelings that a person often has when in a relationship with someone who suffers from a personality disorder. Our website, Out of the FOG, is named after this acronym.
Harassment - Any sustained or chronic pattern of unwelcome behavior by one individual towards another.
Lack of Object Constancy - A symptom of some personality disorders, Lack of Object Constancy is an inability to remember that people or objects are consistent, trustworthy and reliable, especially when they are out of your immediate field of vision. Object constancy is a developmental skill which most children do not develop until two or three years of age.
Low-Functioning - A Low-Functioning Personality-Disordered Individual is one who is unable to conceal their dysfunctional behavior from public view or maintain a positive public or professional profile.
Low Self-Esteem - A common term used to describe a group of negatively-distorted self-views which are inconsistent with reality.
Mirroring - Imitating or copying another person's characteristics, behaviors or traits.
Panic Attacks - Short intense episodes of fear or anxiety, often accompanied by physical symptoms, such as hyperventilating, shaking, sweating and chills.
Parentification - A form of role reversal, in which a child of a personality-disordered parent is inappropriately given the role of meeting the emotional or physical needs of the parent or of the other children.
Perfectionism - The maladaptive practice of holding oneself or others to an unrealistic, unattainable or unsustainable standard of organization, order, or accomplishment in one particular area of living, while sometimes neglecting common standards of organization, order or accomplishment in other areas of living.
Projection - The act of attributing one's own feelings or traits to another person and imagining or believing that the other person has those same feelings or traits.
Sabotage - The spontaneous disruption of calm or status quo in order to serve a personal interest, provoke a conflict or draw attention.
Selective Competence - The practice of demonstrating different levels of intelligence or ability depending on the situation or environment.
Self-Loathing - An extreme hatred of one's own self, actions or one's ethnic or demographic background.
Self-Victimization - Self-Victimization or "playing the victim" is the act of casting oneself as a victim in order to control others by soliciting a sympathetic response from them or diverting their attention away from abusive behavior.
Stalking - Any pervasive and unwelcome pattern of pursuing contact with another individual.
Testing - Repeatedly forcing another individual to demonstrate or prove their love or commitment to a relationship.
DSM Criteria for Dependent Personality Disorder
Dependent Personality Disorder (DPD) is listed in the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic & Statistical Manual (DSM) as a Cluster C (anxious or fearful) Personality Disorder.
Dependent Personality Disorder (DPD) is listed in the DSM-IV-TR as a "Cluster C" (anxious or fearful) Personality Disorder. It is defined as:
A pervasive and excessive need to be taken care of that leads to submissive and clinging behavior and fears of separation, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:
Has difficulty making everyday decisions without an excessive amount of advice and reassurance from others
Needs others to assume responsibility for most major areas of his or her life
Has difficulty expressing disagreement with others because of fear of loss of support or approval. Note: Do not include realistic fears of retribution.
Has difficulty initiating projects or doing things on his or her own (because of a lack of self-confidence in judgment or abilities rather than a lack of motivation or energy)
Goes to excessive lengths to obtain nurturance and support from others, to the point of volunteering to do things that are unpleasant
Feels uncomfortable or helpless when alone because of exaggerated fears of being unable to care for himself or herself
Urgently seeks another relationship as a source of care and support when a close relationship ends
Is unrealistically preoccupied with fears of being left to take care of himself or herself
A formal diagnosis of DPD requires a mental health professional to identify 5 of the above 8 criteria as positive. Some people exhibit all 8. Most exhibit only a few.
Most people occasionally exhibit one or more of the above criteria from time to time. This does not make a person DPD. A pervasive pattern of several of the above criteria is required for a diagnosis of a personality disorder and diagnosis can only be made by a qualified mental health professional.
Understanding the clinical criteria for DPD is helpful but learning how to cope with a loved-one who suffers from DPD is quite different and is not covered in the psychological literature..
One of the most effective ways we have found to deal with that is to get support from people who understand what it feels like to try to convince a partner to take responsibility for themselves, or try not to become a 'parent' to their own parent, or try to escape the inappropriate burden of being held responsible for someone else's decisions.
Movies Portraying Dependent Personality Disorder Traits
Single White Female - Single White Female is a 1992 Columbia Pictures Release starring Bridget Fonda and Jennifer Jason Leigh which portrays the events after a young woman takes in a roommate who exhibits some of the symptoms of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and Dependent Personality Disorder (DPD) including mirroring, impulsivity and fear of abandonment.
For More Information & Support...
If you suspect you may have a family member or loved-one who suffers from a personality disorder, we encourage you to learn all you can and surround yourself with support as you learn how to cope.
Five years ago, a photographer, an engineer, a writer, an office manager, a grandmother, a graphic artist, a law student, a husband, a librarian, and a stained-glass artisan came together to connect a diverse, isolated population in search of information, support, and growth as they strive to cope with a family members, spouses or partners who suffer from a personality disorder. Since its launch on November 1, 2007, Out Of The FOG has grown from a fledgling discussion group with 10 participants, to a vibrant community of over 4000 registered members world-wide, with new members joining every day.
On August 31 2012, the Out of the FOG Support Forum crossed two significant milestones - 100,000 member posts and 10,000 topics. Thanks to all who participate and contribute to the OOTF support board, which is a unique source of support to non-personality-disordered individuals all over the world.