Crying when setting boundaries

[89abc123]

Does anyone else have the problem of crying when trying to set boundaries with people. I come off looking weak and like a joke.

People don't respect what I say it just reinforces that I'm crazy and weird

Any idea what this response is linked to?? Or how to go about fixing it?

[Dee]

When I set boundaries I feel like a bad person, like I am being mean.  it isn't true, it is tapes from my past and I try to remember that.

[sigiriuk]

This is a great question. I was just discussing this with my therapist, but you expressed how I feel better than I did.

[89abc123]

Hi dee I also feel guilty and I start to question whether or not I'm in the wrong.

Slim, it's so frustrating!

I'm currently doing emdr, but you need to identify the core belief before I can process it. It's one symptom I can't clearly link to a root cause. I'm stumped as to where it comes from.

I'm leaning towards punishment for voicing an opinion but I don't know what the core belief is exactly.

[I like vanilla]

I am a Highly Sensitive Person and we often cry in so-called 'inappropriate' places and times. So, yes, I have cried when making boundaries, especially when I first began and with those who were used to me allowing everyone to take advantage of me.

Finally, I decided that crying or no I will still make boundaries. If I do start crying, and especially if the other person tries to make an issue of it, I say 'never mistake these tears for weakness; they are anger because I am upset with how you behaved, and that is the issue at hand!'. I am finding that it is still uncomfortable to cry but putting it back on the other person for trying to use that as an excuse to change the topic or as an excuse to try and re-gain the upper hand generally makes them uncomfortable too.

[sanmagic7]

i'm also a crier (hsp) have been forever, i think.  sometimes i think i'm very sad that i'm not respected enough in the first place and that i have to constantly take care of myself (set boundaries that i think are fundamental as far as kindness and caring are concerned).   i've never understood why someone would want to hurt me, or see me hurt.

89abc, perhaps a core belief could be connected to something as basic as 'i don't belong here', 'i shouldn't be alive', 'i don't deserve anything', something that has to do with the innate belief that your existence is a mistake, that you, as a person, are wrong or a mistake.  i'm an emdr t, and those are some beliefs i've heard of.

if i believe at my core that i don't belong on this earth, or that i don't deserve to be alive, shouldn't be taking up space, then i will feel guilty about doing anything pos. or healthy for myself.   the guilt would stem from going against that belief and showing the world that you do belong here, you're worthy of self-care, you deserve to be good to yourself.  does that make sense?

just some thoughts.  those core belief systems are doozies, and tough to get at.  changing them can take time, patience, and determination.  i have no doubt you'll figure it out.  by the by, just cuz you cry does not make you crazy or weird.  you're responding to that belief, and it's a powerful one, daunting and intense.  best to you with this, truly.  sending a big hug filled with compassion and insight to you.

[Resca]

I'm currently doing emdr, but you need to identify the core belief before I can process it. It's one symptom I can't clearly link to a root cause. I'm stumped as to where it comes from.

I'm leaning towards punishment for voicing an opinion but I don't know what the core belief is exactly.

One possibility is "My opinions and feelings are not valid/wrong." I think this is a belief that a lot of us with C-PTSD experience because everyone else's needs always had to come before ours. You can only be told that you matter less so many times before it starts to transform into this feeling that you don't matter at all. And things that don't matter can't exert valid actions on the world around them, you know? Not that any of this is true, of course. You absolutely matter, and your needs are just as important as anyone else's. You are the only person who can truly understand your pain, and that makes you the only person who can choose the right path to relief. It's okay to care for yourself.

Love and hugs to you as you continue to learn how to support yourself