Morning Outer Critic - Anyone relate to this?

[Bev1101]

Hi everyone,
I've recently joined this forum as just recently learnt of CPTSD and the symptoms explained so much to me about how i feel.
I have a baby who is 19 months and parenting has made me face stuff at a deeper level.
I had post natal depression by the time he was 1yr. Around that time I really struggled in the mornings. I took sleeping pills as anxiety was preventing me from sleeping well. Gradually I got better and it became manageable. Recently my son experienced separation anxiety and that seemed to trigger some unidentifiable old childhood anxieties of my own. Again mornings became very difficult, but rather than depression or sleep deprivation - "CPTSD" and emotional flashbacks fit what's been happening.
One morning recently I had what I thought was a panic attack (an EF) because my husband looked at me and complimented me?!? That was what motivated me to research. I felt so angry at him for 'making' me feel that way. I can't bear to have any attention on me in the morning. Attention at other times (in a group or in certain 1:1s) sets me off.
I've tracked the morning EF to being triggered by the outer critic. I thought I woke with them, but realised it's in relating and in what I tell myself about the person (namely my husband) that triggers them. Overwhelming rage ( I walk away to a room alone and punch and scream), fear, shame (i hide and sob).
After reading some of Pete Walker's book, I realised that a millisecon before the outer critic starts ranting in my head, my torso tightens. There's this sensation of locking down in my abdomen or diaphragm. Breathing into this seems to prevent the outer critic from getting going. It's like if my abdomen is relaxed, the critic has no foundation on which to stand and start the abuse.
I'm not sure if this is helpful to anyone or anyone has similar experiences, or any other tips that can help me. I think the most helpful thing itself would be to connect with other people and share as i don't know anyone else going through this.
I can keep the critic from being passive aggressively distant and stay present enough to not hurt my husband but it still feels like a battle. By breathing through it, it's a much better start to the day and that lasts throughout the day, as if I can't control it I then go into inner critic mode about having been being cold or distant. But part of me also wonders if I am avoiding the feelings that are wanting to come up?
Any thoughts appreciated. Thank you

[Three Roses]

a millisecon before the outer critic starts ranting in my head, my torso tightens. There's this sensation of locking down in my abdomen or diaphragm. 

I think this is what our Pete Walker has referred to as "body armoring". It's something that I have to check myself on periodically thru the day. It's interesting that I've tried to reverse the relaxation process, by tensing up those  same muscles, and I can't seem to pinpoint the exact ones. 

The muscles that tense for me are across my back, thighs, somewhere in my lower abdomen, and my neck and shoulder area.