I Have CPTSD

[Gregorybmartin703]

I have just recently found out about CPTSD.  I was diagnosed with PTSD but after reading about it, it didn't fit.  CPTSD. It explains everything. I feel BETTER knowing it's real. What I feel is real!

I hate myself. People think I'm good looking, make a comfortable living, intelligent, etc.  Well not everyone. But still I view myself as less than. From my youth. I've tried to take my life, been hospitalized, a lot.

I think maybe someone out there knows what I refer to as Big D. The worst depression where the entire world, people, LIFE is scary. Where suicide isn't even an option because it's too frightening. Trapped. Laying there trapped.

Anyway, I've started therapy. I've done 6 weeks. Also, this is the FIRST time I have ever written on a forum.  I was addicted to pain killers four years ago looking on forums and I never posted. I'm just really happy I found you guys. PLEASE feel free to tell me your stories. It actually makes Me feel better hearing other stories, so I've been reading here a lot.

Thank you for being here...

[Three Roses]

Thank you for joining! I get a ton of comfort from knowing I'm not the only one - that there are names for the things I do, like dissociation - that emotional flashbacks and the 4F responses are common among us and I'm not just a freak!

Just being able to say, "I had a violent childhood," without worrying about anyone else's feelings is huge to me.

So welcome and thank you for adding your voice to ours!

[sanmagic7]

so very glad you're here and decided to take the chance to post.  this was my first online forum, too, and it has been a life changer for me.  i hope you find the support and care you're looking for. 

i haven't heard of xxx therapy, but i'm really glad it's worked so well for you.  that's what counts.  i'm also happy you're still with us.  we're here with you, too.

[clarity]

Hi Gregory 

It takes such courage to post and share...this forum so far seems such a great place...new here too...

My story is pretty straightforward, parents who refused to acknowledge me as an induvidual, crushed my soul with criticism and mainly verbal abuse and emortional neglect. Luckier than some but still had 30 years of * on earth ...depression and isolation...still self isolating now but have recovered from my major symptoms after 10 years of therapy...mostly done by myself!  Learned a heap from trauma guys Peter Levine and Robert Scaer... only just found Pete Walkers book. Considering therapy with some reservations... people are just a whole heap of fear and resistance for me ( bar 3 people I am close to).

Animals and nature are my salvation. Creativity is my love... music and art, writing.

Healing my relationship with myself saved my life... the rest of it would be a bonus thats all. 

So good to meet you here... keep posting... we all need each other!

[CherryBlossom]

Hi Gregory,
I'm new here too.  A lot of what you said totally resonates with me too.  I'm glad you posted.  It makes me realize there are others other there that have
some of the same feelings as me.