Noise outside home triggers internal Rage

[jennyjenny]

Hi everyone,

I have a massive trigger regarding noise. I live in an apartment and any time I hear ANY noise that does not come from inside my apartment (could be a neighbor, could be from outside the building, could be cars outside, mostly though anything to do with me hearing other people doing anything outside of my home. Especially loud noises.

I have never been ok with this and in fact have a history of going to the people making the noise and asking them to stop. Obviously this does not work out well for me, and I look 'crazy.'     

I can't afford to buy a home that is remote enough from other people , I live in a major metropolitan city.   

There is a company in the basement of my building that is a plumbing company, and they use the parking lot (restaurant, liquor store, and another business all own this lot which is literally right next to my building) to park all of their vans and start work very early in the a.m.  The employees hang out in the parking lot early in the am to unload their vans etc. Right now they are throwing metal on the ground (cleaning out their van) and it's been going on for 45 min. I feel every single "clang!" in my body. In the past I would open my window and scream "SHUT THE F* UP! ITS 8:30 in the morning!" (Ok fine I just did that right now ;/  again) thinking this will actually make people shut up.   I have to say that it does not work 95% of the time, but I still keep doing it.

I hate this feeling and am wondering if anyone else is as sensitive to external noise as I am?   

I also get triggered by hearing groups of people laugh loud and talk outside , in the hallway, anywhere (if I'm in my apartment). I want my apartment to be quiet.

Thank you.

[Three Roses]

Yup, loud noise/noise in general makes me jump. I realize this is my problem, noise happens, and I do not live in a silent world. Even my husband clinking his ring against the side if his coffee cup can give me the heebie jeebies.

Your breathing patterns signal to your body whether to be tense or not. Try to notice if you hold your breath or if your breathing changes when you are triggered by noise. When I'm triggered/tense, I now automatically go to my breathing pattern. Slowly breathe in to a count of 4, and then slowly breathe out to a count of 6. This sends "Relax!" signals to your body. Also try to relax muscles that may be clenched from anxiety.

I also usually have mellow music playing to help filter or mask intrusive noises. Liquid Mind is a good one for relaxation, I have a Pandora station built on his music.

Hope this helps! 

[jennyjenny]

Thank you so much Three Roses!

I have a white noise machine and usually have my window a/c unit on to block out noise. However, a lot of noise gets past BOTH of these :/ . And I do not want to be the neighbor who other people hear so I tend to avoid playing tv really too loud or loud music, but I thought of doing that.

Also sometimes I just want to hear silence, especially in the a.m.   But I will try this breathing pattern stuff - that's actually one of the areas I have not yet put focus on, my breathing. I am sure it's super shallow in general

[Candid]

I hate this feeling and am wondering if anyone else is as sensitive to external noise as I am?   

Oh, yes. Any noise I can't control makes me  , and as you say, that makes us look crazy. Like you, I can't afford to live in a remote place (and wouldn't want to because I don't drive) and my greatest fear on moving to a new place is that I'll hear neighbour noise. I've done the screaming "SHUT UP!" as well. How to lose friends and alienate people.

For years I wore earplugs to bed every night. My ears were constantly itchy and I got infections so often I had to give them up. Switched to white noise, a whopping great industrial fan beside my bed. That worked well in the tropics but isn't an option now I live in a cold climate.

Stress and anger are the underlying problem for me. I have a lot of anger which I can no longer express to my abusive FOO but instead turn on myself. I know I have to stop drinking coffee by noon or I'll be buzzing and awake at night. I'm also a smoker and I know that revs me up as well. My irritability is a, almost-constant burden.

I believe relaxation is the key... although I also vote YES to Valium in the water supply.

[jennyjenny]

Thanks Candid

I tell people that I have "bionic hearing" because that's what it often feels like :/.

I thought about the earplugs but can't deal with that.  I have a white noise machine, tv, window air conditioner unit, but if a small dog is barking in my building I'll STILL hear it over ALL of those electronics I just listed, even though they are turned on .

My hope is that with more recovery, eventually I will be able to tolerate external noise more. But boy is it rough.

Oh! Side note - when I'm in a lecture or any environment (movies) where the general population is supposed to be quiet, when one person is speaking from a stage or podium (12 step meetings I attended) I also have this reaction to whispering, or people talking, even 'quietly.' I hear it no matter what. Or the people that go "hmmmm"  "ahhhhhhh" "ohhhhhhhh" (verbal relating) that also triggers the * out of me

[songbirdrosa]

I definitely get jumpy at noises, too. There's even certain languages that make me irrationally angry because I lived with people who spoke them constantly during particularly stressful times for me! I'm also a sound engineer, so perhaps I may be of some use to you. I find personally that pink noise is much easier to listen to and masks sounds better than white. Pink noise is slightly different in that it has the equal energy across all frequencies, rather than equal intensity like white noise, so it's more akin to the sound of rain than static. It's a little hard to explain without sound to demonstrate, but it's worth looking into if you're wanting another option. I have an app on my phone that generates different types of noise (white, pink, red, brown, and grey), but I'm sure there's plenty of machines that will do it too. Hope this helps

[Blueberry]

Side note - when I'm in a lecture or any environment (movies) where the general population is supposed to be quiet, when one person is speaking from a stage or podium (12 step meetings I attended) I also have this reaction to whispering, or people talking, even 'quietly.' I hear it no matter what. Or the people that go "hmmmm"  "ahhhhhhh" "ohhhhhhhh" (verbal relating) that also triggers the * out of me

This type of situation used to trigger me big time.  So badly that I couldn't understand what I was supposed to be listening to. That has improved a lot, without me consciously working on it. So there's hope!

I still jump at sudden noises, but I think that has a different cause.

[jennyjenny]

I'm also a sound engineer, so perhaps I may be of some use to you. I find personally that pink noise is much easier to listen to and masks sounds better than white. Pink noise is slightly different in that it has the equal energy across all frequencies, rather than equal intensity like white noise, so it's more akin to the sound of rain than static. It's a little hard to explain without sound to demonstrate, but it's worth looking into if you're wanting another option. I have an app on my phone that generates different types of noise (white, pink, red, brown, and grey), but I'm sure there's plenty of machines that will do it too. Hope this helps

Oh thank you so so much! Yes, that definitely helps. I would really appreciate suggestions for pink noise apps you would recommend, if you are interested in sharing your thoughts?

I actually have been wondering if there is a certain kind of at home speaker I could get , if you have any thoughts on that (I have an iphone) and  as well!

I have always wanted to talk to a sound engineer about ways to block out these external noises.  This is awesome.

jj

[songbirdrosa]

I have always wanted to talk to a sound engineer about ways to block out these external noises.  This is awesome.

Is there anything in particular you'd like to know? I'm happy to help out wherever I can.

The app I use is just called "Audio Signal Generator" made by a guy called Thomas Gruber. It also does specific frequencies as well as the coloured noises, but you probably won't really need that aspect. It's quite easy to use, and there's a one-off cost of a couple of dollars to unlock all the features, though I'm not sure which parts that entails since it's been so long since I downloaded it. There's heaps of other options on the app store, all you need to do really is search for 'noise generator' or 'signal generator' and there's dozens of things that come up .

There are speakers and machines you can get, however I'm not really up on those as most of my stuff is geared toward professional use, so maybe a quick Google search will unearth something on that part.

[Candid]

I tell people that I have "bionic hearing" because that's what it often feels like :/.

I told my co-workers if a leaf fell outside my window at 3am I would sit bolt upright saying: "What?"

Re. being disturbed over white noise by a barking dog, or painfully aware of extraneous sounds in an auditorium, I believe this is a mixture of hypervigilance and a dangerous level of stress. It's a great help IF we can get the stress down.

Several years ago I had some cracked ribs and my GP gave me six nights of Endone, a narcotic he said I couldn't have any more of. At the time I was living in a converted house where every movement from the three other apartments made me want to scream. With Endone I still heard every noise after I went to bed, but it was like I was drifting above it all. Yum. If only it were possible to reach that state without a narcotic!

Just recently I put a small fan beside my bed because my room is very hot now. At first I thought I won't be able to sleep with that clicking but I consciously attuned my mind and breathing to it, and slept well.

It's definitely a head game, so just a question of finding what works for you. BTW I can't sleep in the same room as H, because he snores and it makes me crazy that he falls asleep so fast...

[jennyjenny]

I tell people that I have "bionic hearing" because that's what it often feels like :/.

I told my co-workers if a leaf fell outside my window at 3am I would sit bolt upright saying: "What?"

Haha me too!  Thanks for the laugh.

I used to be addicted to opiate pain medication a long time ago for about 2 years - and after you mentioning your experience with Endone, I'm sure opiates helped me 'not feel' the noise.   

RE: your H snoring - ironically I have dogs that snore (small flat nosed doggies) and when I first got them I was horrified by the snoring, but now it's my favorite sound in the world  

I've noticed if I try to attach a positive feeling about the person making the noise,  I can sometimes tolerate it better. My neighbor has a 2 year old and I cannot tolerate the screaming. But I love the 2 year old, and I intentionally have kept telling myself "I love that kid" and now I am about 50% or less affected negatively by the kid screaming. Often I'm able to automatically tell myself "That's the kid I love" as soon as I hear the screaming and then it doesn't feel bad.

I also had no idea I did that so intentionally until I just wrote that out - so thank you for helping me remember this and put it together!

Yeah, a mind game for sure. <3

[Blueberry]

Yay jenny, you're doing so well telling yourself you love the person or animal making the noise.     

[ToreyP]

I completely empathise.  Noise is the number one trigger for my emotional flashbacks (only just learned what these are).  Unfortunately for me, I am stuck in a busy retail store on self-scanning checkouts surrounded by clanging, screaming babies/children and incessant chattering - my flight/fight/freeze response is constantly triggered for 7+ hours a day because I can't escape that environment.  I need a new job.

[Candid]

I am stuck in a busy retail store on self-scanning checkouts surrounded by clanging, screaming babies/children and incessant chattering

Nightmare! I've made it clear retail is right off my list of jobs to apply for. In a million years I couldn't be one of those placid, smiling women who don't seem to realise they're trapped like sitting ducks, but can chat easily with the customers.

Indeed, Torey, you need another job, and I hope you find one soon. In the meantime, kudos to you!