Daughter of a Narc/Psychopath (undiagnosed) father

[daughterdaughter]

It took me years, and I mean years to make sense of my life, the thoughts in my head and my uncontrollable feelings. And I'm still figuring it out. I learned about complex PTSD two days ago and I was relieved.

My first awakening was when I finally figured out my father was a textbook narcissist and psychopath.

This is a second awakening, finally understanding the depth of the damage and identifying how it affects me on a day to day basis. Learning that it isn't normal to think, after every human interaction, how stupid I sound and how worthless I am... it's overwhelming.

It's also terrifying because I've defined myself with that voice. So I necessarily have no idea who I am without it. And despite having cut out my narcissist/psychopath father for 5 years now... it's all coming back.

[Dee]

It can be overwhelming but it sounds like you know you were unfair to yourself.  My therapist always ask me whose voice is that.  Now I ask myself, it is usually my mother or ex-husband.

I am glad that you have started the road to recovery.  The road can be long and has bumps, hills, and sometimes mountains, but so worth the trip!

[Three Roses]

Welcome! Thanks for joining. Super tired or is write more

[Rainydaze]

Hi daughterdaughter

That cruel voice you hear isn't your authentic self, it's the inner critic. As children when we grow up being mistreated we can't understand how our parents can treat us that way and don't question their integrity, so we internalise their criticisms. As a child it can help you survive as you preempt what will anger them, but as adults it is such a hindrance.

The real you is there though. The inner critic is just our thoughts and thoughts are quite often a load of rubbish that shouldn't be taken notice of. They're rarely the truth. Next time you feel the inner critic is being horrible to you try noticing the comment and diffusing it by just letting it pass by without judgement. Your can't control your thoughts but you can control how you react to them. If a thought doesn't serve you just let it float away.  It takes practice but it does seem to help.

[12Nice]

I feel the same daughter daughter I feel pretty stupid for believing it for all these years.  I feel guilty for having to just get away I was helping and taking care of him while living with him but it was just too horrible.  My bother is just like him and worse in someways. Ugh
Thank you for sharing
I know Im not alone for a change and maybe not as crazy and stupid and unworthy as I have been conditioned my whole life.
New Life starting today
12 Nice

[songbirdrosa]

Daughterdaughter, I definitely know how you feel. My father is a psychopath too (also undiagnosed, but he ticks 19/20 on the Hare checklist) and all of my major breakdowns except the most recent one were caused by him. I've only been on this road to recovery since March, but if this forum has taught me anything, it's that there are people who understand, and that it's possible to get better.

I wish you all the best with your recovery 

[Fictionalizer]

It took me years, and I mean years to make sense of my life, the thoughts in my head and my uncontrollable feelings. And I'm still figuring it out. I learned about complex PTSD two days ago and I was relieved.

My first awakening was when I finally figured out my father was a textbook narcissist and psychopath.

This is a second awakening, finally understanding the depth of the damage and identifying how it affects me on a day to day basis. Learning that it isn't normal to think, after every human interaction, how stupid I sound and how worthless I am... it's overwhelming.

It's also terrifying because I've defined myself with that voice.

Wow! I've been through the same type of thing.

My father was/is also a textbook psychopath which automatically makes him a narcissist. He was a serial killer and my main perpetrator. I didn't find this all out until 2012 when memories flooded after my mother's death.

One thing my last therapist had me do was write a piece of work in my father's voice. I'm a writer. Once I did that, I no longer identified myself with my father's voice. His voice was no longer in my head. I had transferred him out of me and onto paper with words. I finally saw that I'm not my father.