What are examples of emotional flashbacks?

[Morelia]

Hi,

I am new to the idea that I might have CPTSD. I've read a bit about emotional flashbacks, including the stuff on Pete Walker's website. With my newfound knowledge I think I've identified one kind of EF I experience. It's always very quick, so quick that I'd previously dismissed it as an overreaction. Last time it happened it was triggered by a loud voice and resulted in a pounding heart, a hot, flushed face and an intense feeling of possibly panic that caused me to freeze. I think it was only a couple of minutes long, five minutes at most before the feeling started fading. Even though it was short, it was a totally disproportionate reaction. The person who owns the voice is a safe person. I like him. He wasn't even yelling, just joking around. There is no reason I should be afraid of him.

So I'm pretty sure that's an EF, although I'd appreciate confirmation (or dissent). But after reading some of the forum posts, I wonder if I get longer EFs as well that I haven't identified yet. Can you please describe how EFs manifest for you?

Thank you.

[Three Roses]

Emotional flashbacks, or "amygdala hijacks," seem to be the main hurdle most of us have in dealing with cptsd. They can transport us involuntarily in an instant to a state of being consumed by panic, or anger, or feeling helpless. They can make us feel small and at the mercy of the whims of our fellow humans. They can fill us with rage, make us feel frozen or send us into a codependent "let me help you" reaction. Or, we feel in imminent overpowering danger and find ourselves running from the stimulus, either in our imaginations or in reality.

Some of us experience EF's fleetingly and infrequently, while others seem to live in one.

Psychologytoday.com describes them:

"When we have an implicit flashback, we mistakenly believe someone, or something, in the present is causing these feelings. Though something in the present triggered the feelings, the feelings do not fit the present situation. They are far more intense and far more persistent. Those two characteristics - intensity and persistence - are the clues we need to look for, clues that can tell us we are experiencing a flashback." (https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/conquer-fear-flying/201408/is-what-you-are-feeling-flashback)

Here's a link to an explanation of why and how the brain throws us into an EF: http://www.gostrengths.com/what-is-an-amygdala-hijack/

And Cptsd's chief advocate around here has 13 steps to fight them:

http://www.pete-walker.com/flashbackManagement.htm (scroll to the bottom).

Kizzie has organized downloadable forms for education and treatment of CPTSD - http://www.outofthestorm.website/downloads/

That's a lot to throw at you, I know. Sorry. Maybe start with just one and see if it's what you need.

[Boatsetsailrose]

Hi Morelia ,
Yes sounds like a flash back that you had- the trigger was something someone said and it didn't fit the reaction..
My understanding is when we 'flashback' something triggers and a timeless part of the psyce kicks in and gives an overwhelming response , often disproportionate to the actual trigger. So for me it's very often something someone says and I go into a foggy state where what they said is on repeat in my head and I feel out of control and can't function as well. I feel small and helpless like I have regressed to being a child and I feel disassociated ( not in touch with my self/ body). And sure I've had shorter ones -
Also the other week I woke up in a flashback as I'd had a dream about a domestic violence situation when I was younger.
Also last week a friend was just asking me about something I'd previously said and I went into a low mood and felt out of control..
I too have had struggles identifying what a flashback is .. my sponsor suggested I keep a notebook with experiences and dates in and this is really helping me to see what I do experience ...
I've also learnt some grounding and containing techniques from a body worker and some cognitive things which help e.g. A-z game ( naming things a-z such as boys names helps get back into the rational brain and out of emotional brain ..
I have been able to arrest flashback and that is so good to be able to control getting back into control ...
Saying also to myself 'I am safe, this is happening because of the past but the past is not here now

[Morelia]

Hi Three Roses,

Thanks for all the info.

Emotional flashbacks, or "amygdala hijacks," seem to be the main hurdle most of us have in dealing with cptsd. They can transport us involuntarily in an instant to a state of being consumed by panic, or anger, or feeling helpless. They can make us feel small and at the mercy of the whims of our fellow humans. They can fill us with rage, make us feel frozen or send us into a codependent "let me help you" reaction. Or, we feel in imminent overpowering danger and find ourselves running from the stimulus, either in our imaginations or in reality.

This is an interesting paragraph. A lot of those feelings sound very familiar, it's just that I haven't flagged them as EFs yet. A couple of possible candidates come to mind. If someone is getting angry I have the frantic urge to placate them. If I have to ask someone for help or assert myself I struggle with a mix of uncomfortable emotions that I haven't ever attempted to describe before. I'll have to pay more attention next time it happens, but I suspect some of the emotions described above will feature.

It's no wonder I feel drained interacting with people. EFs or not, they're energy suckers.

"Those two characteristics - intensity and persistence - are the clues we need to look for, clues that can tell us we are experiencing a flashback."

Does persistence mean "recurring"? For example, if I have the same strong emotional response to the same kinds of triggers, is that what they mean?

I too have had struggles identifying what a flashback is .. my sponsor suggested I keep a notebook with experiences and dates in and this is really helping me to see what I do experience ...

Thank you for describing your personal experiences, Boatsetsailrose. That is a great idea.

I've also learnt some grounding and containing techniques from a body worker and some cognitive things which help e.g. A-z game ( naming things a-z such as boys names helps get back into the rational brain and out of emotional brain ..
I have been able to arrest flashback and that is so good to be able to control getting back into control ...
Saying also to myself 'I am safe, this is happening because of the past but the past is not here now

These are also good ideas. I am trying to find a therapist who deals with CPTSD at the moment so I can get some professional guidance. These things will help in the meantime.

[sanmagic7]

hey, morelia,

i've only recently discovered that many times my ef's take the form of feeling paralyzed.  this has happened many times in the past, but only the other day i got triggered, and that familiar feeling washed over me, and i was finally able to recognize it for what it was.  that felt good to me to know - it'll help me deal with it more easily if/when it happens again.

these types of ef's where i feel paralyzed usually are shorter in duration, a day or two.  however, last year i also experienced one that lasted about 8 months.  that was horrible.  so, from my experience, ef's can take on different forms at different times, depending on what's going on in our lives. 

[Three Roses]

Does persistence mean "recurring"?

I think by persistence, they mean that no matter what we do to try to avoid EF's, we continue to experience them. EF's are not caused by our beliefs or by the way we think. They are physical reactions within the brain itself - not just the mind - in response to stimuli.

[Healing Finally]

Hi Morelia! 

I am just starting to figure this out too!  It can be so confusing as I appear to process the EF's in multiple ways.

1) I now understand the feelings I get when I've been triggered into an EF; it's when all of a sudden I get paralyzed with that flight/fight feeling, loose all my confidence, feel cornered, misunderstood, invisible, and helpless.  I them deal with lots of internal anguish, confusion, and desire to immediately remove myself completely from the situation.  If I'm at work, I try to work through the feelings, and many times I am so disassociated I can't even get any work done.  I'm still learning on how to deal with these, as I've just recently figured this out.

2) I now understand the longer term EFs, as these can lurk within me for long periods of time.  If I find my brain defaults to an anguished state when I'm not thinking about something else, then I know I'm dealing with an EF.  Weird thing is, it can stop and I don't even know it.

The one I am most familiar with is my need to defend myself to my Mother, especially regarding my uNPD sister.  I will find my mind obsessing on the need to defend myself, over and over and over (and over again) during the day and especially when I'm trying to go to sleep at night.  This can go on for months.  Then, somehow I resolve it (don't even know how) and I no longer do this.  I just noticed the other day that I was no longer doing it!

Good luck with your new discoveries.  It's been tough for me to a) recognize them, b) acknowledge them c) know what to do next.  I so much appreciate all the feedback and knowledge I receive on this forum. 

[Morelia]

i've only recently discovered that many times my ef's take the form of feeling paralyzed.

Hi Sanmagic7,

Thanks for sharing your examples. When you say you feel paralysed, how exactly does this manifest?

these types of ef's where i feel paralyzed usually are shorter in duration, a day or two.  however, last year i also experienced one that lasted about 8 months.  that was horrible.

Eight months - that sounds like a nightmare. I hope you've developed some coping techniques to halt the EFs in their tracks.

I think by persistence, they mean that no matter what we do to try to avoid EF's, we continue to experience them. EF's are not caused by our beliefs or by the way we think. They are physical reactions within the brain itself - not just the mind - in response to stimuli.

Three Roses, thank you, that makes sense. If I'm having automatic responses to certain stimuli that I can't control, I wonder if that would at least partially explain why CBT hasn't really worked for me? 

I am just starting to figure this out too!  It can be so confusing as I appear to process the EF's in multiple ways.

Hello, Healing Finally. Thank you for sharing your experiences. Even though I wish we didn't have to experience any of this stuff, I am finding a lot of power and relief in starting to figure it out. I hope you are too.

1) I now understand the feelings I get when I've been triggered into an EF; it's when all of a sudden I get paralyzed with that flight/fight feeling, loose all my confidence, feel cornered, misunderstood, invisible, and helpless.  I them deal with lots of internal anguish, confusion, and desire to immediately remove myself completely from the situation.

A lot of this sounds familiar too. I'm sure I've been down that road before. It seems weird to me now that I don't remember many examples. Before I knew about CPTSD I always shrugged them off. I don't know why. Maybe I thought it was typical anxiety or something I couldn't do anything about. Now that I've got a framework to put them in, that seems ridiculous.

2) I now understand the longer term EFs, as these can lurk within me for long periods of time.  If I find my brain defaults to an anguished state when I'm not thinking about something else, then I know I'm dealing with an EF.

That's a good way to describe it. I'll have to look out for something similar. I do have an experience from late last year where I made the mistake of reading an advice column about a toxic mother and found myself completely disagreeing with the advice. It triggered off some frighteningly intense internal anger at my own uPD mother that would regularly flare up for about a month. I don't know if that counts as an EF though.

Good luck with your new discoveries.  It's been tough for me to a) recognize them, b) acknowledge them c) know what to do next.  I so much appreciate all the feedback and knowledge I receive on this forum. 

Good luck yourself. I've only been here a short time, but I totally agree with you about how helpful the forum is. Thank you to those who run the site and all who contribute.

[Blackbird]

Hi Morelia 

Just wanted to say that CBT does help a lot, during, after and before an EF. It can help you recognize the triggers and develop better coping skills. It doesn't take away the EFs but helps minimize them.

This has been my experience.

The brain has plasticity, it can learn new ways to work the neurotransmiters, a good CBT therapist works with this.

Best of luck! 

[Morelia]

Hi Morelia 

Just wanted to say that CBT does help a lot, during, after and before an EF. It can help you recognize the triggers and develop better coping skills. It doesn't take away the EFs but helps minimize them.

This has been my experience.

The brain has plasticity, it can learn new ways to work the neurotransmiters, a good CBT therapist works with this.

Best of luck! 

Hi Blackbird,

Thanks. I think CBT is likely to be more helpful know that I understand what's going on. I'm in the process of trying to find a therapist who knows about CPTSD and trauma.

[David1973]

How do I begin healing from CPTSD? I have used alcohol for over 20 years with disastrous results and consequences. My highschool sweetheart got back in touch in 2014 after 23 years, and she sent me a book about CPTSD but I didn't take it seriously and continued to drink and ruined that relationship yet again. I do know even when I have stayed sober in AA that I have never gotten to the root of what has been my downfall. The more I read about CPTSD, the more it fits. My father was an alcoholic, Vietnam combat vet that passed due to cirrhosis before he reached 45 yes old.

[phoenix.rising]

Healing from CPTSD is a long, hard and rewarding road. I have used a combination of books, therapy and working through it with friends who are also healing. I can give you a list of books that I have read, but what I have found the most helpful right now are the works of Alice Miller. Reading her would also help you find a therapist that is going to be sensitive to what you are trying to heal from. I just read "The Body Never Lies" and "The Drama of the Gifted Child" and I have just started reading "Thou Shalt not Be Aware". They are specifically about the effects of childhood abuse on adult children and how to heal. She talks about finding an "enlightened witness" that will acknowledge and show protection toward the inner child that had been abused and neglected. I too struggle with using alcohol and other numbing. This is normal, but it doesn't have to be normal forever. Every time I work on another layer of how my parents and siblings' abuse and neglect affected me, I drink more, I can't move, I isolate, I don't want to be in my body, then I get sick of it, and I start to let it bubble up. It hurts like *. And then I reach out to friends, and I cry and cry and cry huge soul-wracking sobs. I start to have memories, and I start to understand why I'm feeling all I'm feeling, and I look at my relationships and realize how I am perpetuating the cycle by choosing people who treat me/I relate to the way my family did things, and I learn to cut those people out of my life. Then I start to change my behavior and I find a deep reservoir of peace and love that I can give to myself and others. Then a few months later something triggers another layer and the process starts again, but now the reservoir of peace doesn't diminish. It keeps getting added to.

It is essential to have support through this. Alice Miller talks about having done it alone, and that she knows it would have taken her far less time had she had support. In my own case, I have a friend that has about 10 more years of therapy than I have, and our relationship has been so healing for me.   

[Lingurine]

I've had this, when I was in a room with people and felt the tension growing. It had to do with someone I usually avoid but now chose to be in the room with. Wrong idea. My heart went racing, I had an instant flight reaction and that's what I did. I flew off. Just had to go.

Hope that helps.

Lingurine

[sigiriuk]

Hi
Sometimes I can't tell the difference between an EF and what I am feeling in the present.

Pete Walker believes that an EF is telling you something loudly, clearly and simply.

Sad to say, an EF is pretty distressing for me, and it takes a lot of self compassion to say "Whoa there! You got this, you are gonna be fine"

And follow-up with "Now , what is this EF telling you?"

I feel like i am trying to calm a horse that has just bolted, and asking him "what frightened you?".

Best
S

[asyouwish]

I feel like i am trying to calm a horse that has just bolted, and asking him "what frightened you?".

Hey -- I'm new to the forum, and this really resonates with me! I really like the way you put it, because that's just how I feel, too: A horse that's just bolted. But, now, it's the figuring out why, etc. that's the challenge.

Anyway, thanks!