Being "triggered" - is it an emotional flashback or disassociation?

Started by Healing Finally, March 27, 2017, 10:15:35 PM

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Healing Finally

Hello all  :wave: - I have been reading Pete Walker's latest book as well as a new one I just received called the Complex PTSD workbook by Arielle Schwartz.  I finally figured out I have c-ptsd (thank you ootf and oots) as the symptoms are so familiar to me, but I'm still confused about what I'm actually FEELING when I get triggered.  Am I having an emotional flashback or just experiencing disassociation from trauma?  I'm sure as I read more it will become clearer, but I also find that it's tough to pick up the books!

Right now I am feeling a very familiar feeling, and this is something that happens a lot.  I'm at work and this morning I had an interaction with a fellow employee who did something to make me feel devalued.  Once this feeling grabs hold of me, I can't let it go!  In fact, all I want to do is leave work, and I struggle trying to just do my job.  I have to force myself to concentrate, as my brain keeps, I guess, disassociating?  I know this feeling too well, it's awful.  I want to be my usual helpful, supportive and responsible self, and yet it's like I almost don't care about anything....very STRANGE and CONFUSING  :stars: - all I can do is work through to 5 pm and hope I don't get caught as I'm basically non-functional.  :no:

OH, and another thing I do is over-react to anything that anyone says that sounds like they are discounting me.  I will feel the need to find all the information I can to justify myself.  I will do this until the mood passes.

Any help is appreciated...thx  :hug:

Three Roses

I'm no expert but here's what I think - a trigger is anything that creates in you the same feelings you experienced at the moment of traumatic injury; feelings, sounds, smells that were present come back in vivid detail during an emotional flashback, or EF; there are 4 identified dysfunctional defensive responses to an EF, one of which is dissociation.

We have a handy glossary section, too - http://www.outofthestorm.website/cptsd-glossary/

Hope that helps!  :wave:

Boatsetsailrose

Hi healing finally
I struggle with knowing what is what too .. :)
I figure when I start trauma therapy I'll be helped to understand more
What u describe in your experience at work, I've had that too - I think it's both things for me a flashback and disassociation

Healing Finally

Thanks all for your responses  :wave: 

Thought to share, I found some excerpts from Pete Walker's book "C-PTSD from Surviving to Thriving" under "Signs of Being in a Flashback" page 153-154...

~ We can often find ourselves in a flashback without ever having seen the "flash."
~ One common sign of being flashed-back is that we feel small, helpless, and hopeless. (This is exactly how I was feeling yesterday.)  :yes:
~ Feeling fragile, on edge, delicate and easily crushable is another aspect of this. (YES)  :yes:
~ Another clue that we are in a flashback occurs when we notice that our emotional reactions are out of proportion to what has triggered them. (YES)  :yes:

The next piece is where I get stuck....

"...we can choose healthy flashback management once we recognize these examples as flashbacks to the real emergencies and injustices of our childhood. Furthermore, we can harvest recovery out of these unpleasant flashbacks by seeing them as proof that we were traumatized.  When we do the latter, we can morph our anger into healthy indignation about the outrageously unfair conditions of our upbringing."

I'm still struggling with the idea that I was traumatized as a child, but as it states above; these flashbacks are indeed proof.  I am angry for sure, and will probably need to come to terms with acknowledging and accepting that trauma before I can get to the healthy indignation part.  SIGH  :'(

It certainly is a process.  And Boatsetsailrose, I hope things go well with your trauma therapy!  :cheer:

Hazy111

It could be  SHAME.  Making you feel very devalued just as you did as a kid. Shame is toxic and very common in dysfunctional families, its like a glue. Parents can you use as a form of control. Youre given the look, or verbally shamed. Brought down to size etc.

I had the same problem in that i dont seem to experience E - flashbacks, until recently i had a moment and i recognized it for what it was. The penny dropped. Ive been reading "Healing the Shame that binds you" by John Bradshaw.

Hope this helps


the mirliton

Hello Healing Finally and everyone else. I just came from my weekly session with my trauma "coach" I was getting all worked up before going because I had relapsed a couple of times and was totally giving myself a thorough * kicking for not using the tools that I have been given to work through a trigger. I can recognize when, how and what triggers me...I just don't want to acknowledge and recognize it as being justified. I want it (the whole ginormous mess of feelings) to disappear. Wishing, hoping and stuffing does not work     Validating why I am feeling a reaction to the trigger is the first step towards working through it~lessoning the shame, negativity and fear that I am so totally used to feeling.(main topic at tonights session) I am a quick draw mcgraw with how quickly I can react to situations and look forward to the day when I slow down enough to respect and VALIDATE my feelings.  I appreciate all the sharing and wisdom from this forum.

Healing Finally

Hi all,  :wave: - thought to share, it's happening again!  I believe I am having an emotional flashback which is causing me to dissociate.   :disappear:

It started a few days ago when my en-Mom sent me a pic of my father's grave, which she took while visiting his resting place with my uNPD sister and en-(estranged)BIL.  I've asked her to longer share any "family" type of events, outings, vacations, etc as I am not included (she dysfunction-ally trys to include me while she supports my sister keeping me out of the picture.)

Yesterday I was in a funk because it's been 10 years since my father passed, and I can't even commiserate with my "family".  The feeling of exclusion haunts me, and infiltrates into my daily life.  Any type of interaction will set me off even more.  Right now I feel totally excluded from my workmates.

And, last night my boyfriend got put off by my needing to be alone, which makes me feel even MORE unsupported; he won't even answer my texts today.  It never seems to stop, until somehow something happens to snap me out of it (usually I have some sort of awakening and realize everything is ok.)

Right now I want to go home and sleep.  I am pushing myself to stay at work and try to be productive.  Meanwhile, I feel  :disappear: