Hi-first post-newbie

[Wanttothrive]

Hi everyone: recently I was diagnosed with ptsd related to childhood trauma. I am now in my middle age of life and am finding the process of healing draining...and confusing.    My hope is to learn and maybe once in a while talk about things that are confusing. Hoping for wisdom and encouragement. As a Christian I would be interested to know how other believers have worked through separating God from your earthly father as well as how Christians have worked through anger at the Lord.
Thank you!

[mourningdove]

Welcome, Wanttothrive!

[A_Girl_You_Dont_Know]

Welcome.  I grew up with a strong faith and my grandpa who I looked up to was a pastor. Through all of my pain I've kept the faith but after recently being slammed into coming to terms with my childhood abuse after reading a CPTSD book, I've been shaken to the core. I have developed a trusting relationship with my pastor who shares my name and is only three years older. Recently I told her religion and God could f (actual word) themselves. I've always struggled with God as a parent, but have you read or seen The shack? I love it and I'm meeting with my pastor soon but I'm still having a major faith crisis. I'm very angry at God right now. So I don't have advice, but i am working through it too so if you want to talk, I would love to have someone to work through it with.

[Wanttothrive]

Thanks! I'd like that too. So if you have verses, or thoughts, as you are journeying along, please feel free to share them. I started The Shack but didn't finish. Maybe I will go back to it this weekend. Somehow seeing the Lord as safe is difficult for me. Where was He in abuse? I'm talking with my T tomorrow about this.

[Candid]

Hi Wanttothrive, and welcome to the forum.

Are you aware of Luke Ministries? http://www.luke173ministries.org/

My hope is to learn and maybe once in a while talk about things that are confusing. Hoping for wisdom and encouragement.

That's what we're all about, here. I'm glad you've found us!

[A_Girl_You_Dont_Know]

Thanks! I'd like that too. So if you have verses, or thoughts, as you are journeying along, please feel free to share them. I started The Shack but didn't finish. Maybe I will go back to it this weekend. Somehow seeing the Lord as safe is difficult for me. Where was He in abuse? I'm talking with my T tomorrow about this.

Same. And I liked the Shack because it just gives me hope that maybe what I believe about God is skewed because my mom who acts so righteous. I admit I'm still struggling with those same questions and haven't been able to pick up my Bible right now and stopped wearing my cross necklace. I am meeting with my pastor next week and told her I wish I didn't believe in God but I can't and believing he is real and I can still have been abused so badly and suffering so strongly feels worse than not believing at all.  You're not alone. Maybe we've been brought to this site for a reason. I wish I had answers for you, but I'll look for them with you. I think it's okay and good we are feeling this way. I was never allowed to question or disrespect God growing up or I'd get in trouble. Maybe God is okay with me cussing at him and telling him I hate him and asking these questions. Maybe it's good you are and is a sign of deeper and stronger faith than most who don't care if don't believe in God enough to believe he had any more power than us? Hang in there. I'm here for you.

[sanmagic7]

hey, wanttothrive,

so glad you made it here.  welcome.

i was raised as a lutheran, taught sunday school, served on the church council, sang in the choir, the whole nine yards.   as i've gotten older, began questioning everything through recovery, i questioned my faith and my ideas about all of that as well.  it was a process that took quite awhile to get to a place of comfort with it all.

as of today, i don't consider myself a christian anymore.  i've come to create my own belief system about spirituality (i'm very spiritual) and the concept of god.  it's served me well, has cast out the confusion, and my god (love) welcomes my anger and rage, wants me to get it out of me, and allows me to know that it will be dealt with appropriately, that it's not something i have to carry around or worry about.

everyone finds their own way with their spiritual beliefs, what works best for them.  i know it can be confusing, especially when we first begin questioning what we've been taught, what  we've learned, and what we've come to believe.  kind of like all those other messages about ourselves we've gotten along the way - we end up questioning them, sifting thru them, deciding which ones we want to keep and which don't serve us well.

my best to you with this.  my sincerest hope is that you find your way through the uncertainty and confusion and come out with a stronger sense of what your god is all about.