Dissociating all day.

[hurtbeat]

I've been stuck all day.
Had some anxiety and a flashback.
Now I'm stuck in my head, I can't think about the thing that's bothering me because I keep dissociating away from the subject.
I'm frustrated in how hard it is when it seems so simple!

I was planning on doing stuff today but instead I've been sleeping and not really doing anything productive.
But I guess that's ok, I'll be doing things tomorrow so this can be my "leisure day" if one thinks dissociating into numbness counts as "leisure"...

When reading this I guess I am a bit frustrated with myself.
Trying to feel compassionate for my problems but I make things so difficult for myself some times and I don't understand why.
I wish I could understand.

[joyful]

  Take care of yourself hurtbeat 

[Eyessoblue]

Sleeping is good according to my therapist, all,part of the healing process which in the long run will help you feel better, your brain is set on overdrive at the moment and sleep is paramount in your recovery, I can understand and sympathise about the disacocoation I do it all the time and is a way of escaping from my feelings. My cbt lady tells me I need to sit with my feelings and let them take control of me rather then me trying to control them, easier said then done I guess but worth a try. Self compassion is really hard and I'm struggling like anything at the moment but trying small steps rather than big leaps, hoping it will  work but the inner critic keeps telling me otherwise.

[hurtbeat]

Thanks Joyful  I'm doing my best!

Eyessoblue: It seems logical that sleep is good for repairing the brain, especially after an emotional flashback.
I tried to sit with my emotions but that's when dissociation comes in my way and make it difficult to remember what I am trying to do.
I keep trying to conjure up the feelings that surrounded my EF but it seems like my protective system is very strong and won't even let me think about touching on those feelings.

That's when I get frustrated, I feel like I really want to feel my feelings but my coping system keep shutting me down.

[Eyessoblue]

That's what I'm going through at the moment, I got triggered at counselling this week so understand exactly what you are saying. I'm sleeping loads as just find it all so exhausting.

[hurtbeat]

I can relate to that, I used to be pretty exhausted after counselling with my old therapist myself if it didn't end well.
(like when she was pressuring me without understanding what dissociation did to me)
During our best sessions she always used to take a moment in the end to settle so that I wouldn't leave there upset with my head spinning.

I saw her for 2 years but in the end I had to stop seeing her because her counselling became re- traumatising.
She never really believed that I was dissociating but I didn't have any other way of describing what happened to me other than dissociation.

I've been referred to a place that specialises in PTSD now so I'm hoping that the treatment they provide will be better for me.