New - bad experiences with talking about things

[sanmagic7]

you'll figure it out slowly, one step at a time, with patience and determination.  there's no magic formula, just a realization here and there and then finding out what to do with or about it.  it'll come.  take your time.  you're worth it.

[Kizzie]

   What San wrote - you are worth the effort

You can share all you want here and no-one will turn away, that's the beauty of having a bunch of people to talk to who are struggling with the same things.  Post away!

[ALLHAILTHEGLOWCLOUD]

I agree with what a lot of other people on this thread have said- that everyone should go at their own pace, and sometimes that looks like sharing and sometimes not.  For me sharing has been enormously helpful in some ways, but I relate to your experience, Z, of maybe trying to explain something before I was ready, to the wrong people or at a time that wasn't right.  I literally did not remember anything of what I'd been through for years, and then when I did remember I wanted to get it all out in the open at once.  Now I'm rethinking that strategy, because while I did tell my partner a lot of what I went through, I never let myself pause and experience what it felt like to receive empathy and love from him as a listener. 

This is such a confusing kind of knot to untangle for all of us, but even though it feels hopeless at times I assure you there will be a path through.  And you're already on it, even when it feels like you haven't even found out where to begin.  You already have enough self awareness to know what's right for you in some ways, and that is HUGE.  I agree with Kizzie and San- you are so worth the effort, and only you get to decide what that effort looks like.  You are doing everything right, even if it doesn't feel that way.