The dark, locked house

[Kittysnotthere]

I was thinking today, after hanging out with my daughter's cousin that was about the same age, what was my mother thinking leaving me alone for hours starting at just 8 years old and in charge of my brother? Why would she just run off to a luncheon or coffee with a friend and leave two kids alone in the neighborhood and lock up the house? I just don't understand that level of selfishness and irresponsibility.

Last I talked to my parents they definitely did not act like they cared, still. They know their kids have issues but we are more like props then people to them. And I still feel like there is this big, dark, empty house in there somewhere still. I've tried to fill that gap with so many things and nothing fixes it. I feel it will always be there; and I know will never have a supportive family. At least I do have a lot of other things going for me.

[sanmagic7]

hey, kitty,

glad to hear you know that you have other positives going for you.  that's a biggie in my book. 

i know of others who were given that child-caring responsibility at such a young age, and it can't help but mess with your mind.  being given such an adult responsibility when still a child is more than not fair - to my mind, that's a form of child abuse.   i don't understand how/why parents do that, either, except that they don't want the responsibility themselves and simply shove it off to whoever's closest.  that responsibility was never yours.  i'm sorry you went through that. 

i hope you can keep taking care of yourself, and keep posting.  you deserve to be cared for.

[bring em all in]

Kitty- I echo sanmagic's post word for word! It's so unfair that some people get the wonderful parents or at least the "good enough" parents and others get- well, you don't need me to tell you.

Kudos to you for realizing the effects of your past and being willing to address them.

[solongStockholm]

I can relate very closely to you. I refer to my "dark house" as a void or hole. I read this is common in those who were emotionally neglected as children.

Sending you love and support. ❤