Is this my inner/outer critic?

[Twinkletoes]

Hi guys,

So last night, my other half had to speak to his ex-wife on the phone about some child-care arrangements. He went upstairs and spoke to her with the door shut. I was downstairs with my sister.  Now, rationally I appreciate and understand this is a very normal and reasonable thing to happen - them to speak and co-parent, and him to want privacy to make the call. However what happened was that I become very moody and irritable. I could feel the anger in my body. I didn't like it and I was angry with him (even though he had done nothing wrong).

I am reading Pete Walker's book at the moment on CPTSD recovery and saw this:

"The hypervigilance of Complex PTSD is an overaroused sympathetic nervous system fixation on endangerment that comes from long-term childhood exposure to real danger. In an effort to recognize, predict and avoid danger, hypervigilance develops in a traumatized child as an incessant, on-guard scanning of both the real environment and, most especially, the imagined upcoming environment. Hypervigilance typically devolves into intense performance anxiety on every level of self-expression, and perfectionism festers into a virulent inner voice that manifests as self-hate, self-disgust and self-abandonment at every turn".

I am just trying to understand what happens internally... I recognise it as jealousy and insecurity. I also recognise that I know intellectually it is silly of me - but I just want to really understand what happens to me when this happens.

Is it that I am being hypervigilant and scanning for potential danger - in my eyes: they are talking, they will get back together and I will be abandoned?

Sorry if this seems really clear and obvious to anyone else here - I do seem to struggle to relate these things to myself!

Thank you

[Gentian]

Hi twinkletoes,
I know this is a late answer, but I am new here and just wanted to say that it sounds like it could be hypervigilance, if your SO doesn't give you reason to mistrust him otherwise.  I get the feeling that it was the closed door that got to you--is this true?  It's so difficult to know when to trust your gut in these kinds of situations.  I hope you are feeling better about it.