Poem

[Max]

I really want to be supportive to everyone but I keep starting to reply to other posts and deleting because I'm struggling to find the right words.  I'm working to get there. Until then I hope it's ok if I post a poem that came in my head when I woke up this morning.

**could be triggering**

INNER CHILD

There is a part of me, hiding deep inside with fear.
She's afraid to show her face because she loves unconditionally.
Her hands hold my heart and guards it carefully.
Because she knows the pain she felt, when no one wanted her.

A world of violence and hurt, is what she was born into.
She never knew what would happen next, or if she'd have to run.
Always on high alert, never having any fun.
Not what God intended, but a lesson of free will.

Going to school dissociated, feeling all alone.
Not fitting in with anyone, not belonging any where.
The normal day to day, not knowing someone should care.
But in second grade, she found her mom a job.

She would sit on his lap occasionally, with no choice in the matter.
Someone was paying her attention, but feeling very scared.
He smelled like booze and cigarettes, him crying when she was there.
She was daddy's favorite, so everyone seemed to say.

Music was her only connection, to sanity in the world.
Thank God the songs were loving, about peace and getting along.
She learned the words, singing along, which was her quiet place.
Often wondering why that world wasn't hers.

I didn't even know she was there until recently.
She felt safe one day and came out to tell her story.
No one had ever asked her and she was grateful that he had.
As if a load had been lifted, and someone cared on top of that.

I don't remember feeling as happy and carefree before that day.
But it was very short-lived and wasn't meant to be.
At least I know that she is there and I need to care for her.
Because there is no one else that ever could, that someone will be me.

[Jdog]

Max-

I'm so glad you posted your poem.  You are on a journey of healing, and sometimes when you rip the bandage off old hurts the pain is intense.  I sense your pain as you discover the inner child and tend to her hurts. 

Thanks again, and I send peaceful energy to you as you heal.

[woodsgnome]

Max, you said: "I'm struggling to find the right words."

You've found them, and then some. 

That was beautiful, poignant, and resonates deeply with words our Inner Child holds in our hearts for us. Sometimes it's only the tears that come, but you've found the words behind them.

Thank you so much! 

[Max]

I have come back to this several times.  Validation is so underestimated.  Reading your comments are as touching as being heard the first time.

Jdog, thank you for the encouragement.  You're right about the bandage. There has been lots of hurt and with the exposure comes understanding which has been very healing in itself. 

Woodsgnome, thank you for your kind words. There have been lots of tears that had been held in for years.  I appreciate your support. 

[Flexican]

Hi Max, just wanted to say what a beautiful poem. I think it's sometimes easier to express yourself when its the raw stuff coming out as you're healing. This is so on point, poignant and moving and yet you sound like you have so much of a handle/perspective on things despite what you've gone through. Kudos. I really hope for you that you find and rediscover that inner child more and more - it's so worth it - even when I've thought of trying to turn back and go back to my old modus operandi I've realised that it's not the true way forward. It's going to be painful, but the more you are with yourself the more I think you get to be free.

[Marie]

Congrats great poem