I'm New and Not sure if I qualify...

[SM]

Hi All,

So I am not sure if I qualify for this site, but I kind of feel like I might. At the risk of self-diagnosis I didn't want to say for sure...

My past has been full of some pretty Sh***y things, as I'm sure most, if not all of you can relate to.

I struggle a lot now a days with all relationships in my life. I relive memories over and over from recent traumas and I also struggle with the self-image that the past has ingrained into me as well. Between sexual, physical, emotional and mental abuse, self-harm from age 11-28, and recently having to deal with a spouse who was unfaithful. I don't trust anyone and have a hard time letting people in at almost all times. I suffer from anxiety and panic attacks, and at times depression.

So... I guess with a new therapist on the near horizon, I wanted to find a place where people understood me at a ground level...

Thanks for reading.

[Three Roses]

Hello and welcome, SM! I'm glad you are here.

Yes, your background "qualifies" you for this forum - your abuse was traumatizing and inescapable. You should have been - and should be - listened to and validated for feeling the pain of this betrayal. Hopefully you'll find a sense of that here on our forum. Thanks for joining.

[sanmagic7]

hey, sm, glad you're here.  it sure sounds to me like you're in the right place.  i hope you can find the understanding and support that i have here - it's been a life-giving experience.  best to you.

[cameljoe]

Hello SM,

I can relate to your concerns. I feel like the health system I have been using has too many gaps and cracks to fall through. It feels like an uphill battle when no one wants to hear me speak about problems. In short, I was raised by a father with a personality disorder. I just ended a ten year marriage with a polyfragmented DID suffer. I am finding that what I thought to be irrational fear is actually valid. My heart feels like a thousand acupuncture needles were inserted into my heart and a sudden onset of pain occurred. CPTSD is a new concept to me.

[SM]

  Thank you all for the warm welcome. Hard to feel you belong anywhere when the ability to trust anyone is gone and not feel in danger at all times is so high.

I have my first appointment with a new Psychologist today and I am looking forward to seeing what her take is on a diagnosis and a plan forward. I hope to be able to share some of the strategies that I learn there so that perhaps those struggling to find a resource can benefit too.

is there a portion of the forum for such things?

Thank you all again. I hope to find the light within again.