New Member Seeking Advice....

[T3b+]

Hi Everyone,

Just joined this morning. I've a diagnosis of Complex PTSD. Having a tough time with communicating with my Wife on certain challenges specifically emotional flashbacks. I'm kinda stuck in a place of inner fear. When I seek emotional support from her concerning this, it seems rejected at times. At times she's very sweet, others it's "I'm sorry I cant be there emotionally for you right know."  ( Emotionally distant) This causes  further fear and feelings of rejections for me. I don't expect her to be perfect at all just "present." I've tools I use to make my way out of these challelnges provided by my last therapist.... Doesn't always work (Who left town suddenly a few months ago. I've found no new therapist locally who sepecialize in CPTSD. as of yet.) I've not many friends and I'm also a stay at home Dad... (So I try to stay strong and present for the kids.)

So, Not sure what to do... Again feeling rejected, alone and in fear at times. Thanks everyone for being here, reading and sharing.

Thanks and much love....

[Three Roses]

This clicked with me. For most of my life I've had the subconscious belief that my worth was determined by what people thought of me.

I threw myself into helping and found myself to be utterly codependent.

After finding this site, cptsd and many answers to questions I didn't even know I had, I am learning to rely on my internal resources instead of people when I need a lift. I will sometimes ask my husband for a hug, or to listen to me vent (without input on his part), but that is all I ask of him as I know he has his own struggles.

There are many things you can do to help yourself - whether you need help to reconnect when you're dissociated, relief from an EF, or whatever you are struggling with. But the first step is determining exactly what it is you need help with.

What tools have you used, that aren't working anymore?

[T3b+]

Hi there and thanks so much for sharing and responding... My therapist recommended "Safe place" meditations which no longer works. I just try to process what is transpiring best I can. Was also recommened to have a support structure present. Which I no longer have. I communicate with my wife about what is transpiring as reccomended by the past therapist. At times this doesn't go so well. And you are right, I have had codepency challenges off and on. Seems very challenging especially during the Holidays.  I'm open to any recommendations, please.  Thanks!

[Kizzie]

Hi and a warm welcome to OOTS T3B+     Sorry to hear your wife isn't there for you as much as you'd like.  You made your way here though and found a whole group of people you can talk to who truly get what you're going through so hopefully you will find a helpful outlet here. 

One strategy a lot of members use is to journal daily either in a hard copy book or we have a sub-forum here.  It can help you to get in touch with yourself more.  Many of us with CPTSD tend to dissociate to greater or lesser degrees during the day and to stuff/ignore/deny our feelings and memories so tapping into that can be helpful.  It also let's you look back and see the progress you've made as often it seems like too little is happening until we see where we started.  Perhaps when the kids are in bed you can write as the you that doesn't need to be strong, etc. 

Would your wife be open to reading a bit of info about CPTSD from this site or a book?  That might help her to understand what it is you're talking about better and that really you just need for her to be safe and caring, not for her to be your T. 

Hope some of this helps!

[T3b+]

Hi Kizzie,

Thanks for the recommendations... Truly.. Thank you Three Roses as well.

[bring em all in]

T3b- I can relate to your post. My wife has been quite supportive of my being out of work since September 2015 on disability retirement. She too gets overwhelmed and at times responds to my sharing feelings with the following:

"I don't want to hear you talk like that." "Put a sock in it." "I don't know what to say or do to help you." "You shouldn't feel that way."

These forums have been helpful to me, as has finding a weekly meditation group to sit with. I don't expect them to be my therapists or anything like that, but it is a way to connect with others.

I like what Three Roses posted- self care and nurturing the child within seem like important things we can do for ourselves.

[Dee]

I recently had the pleasure of meeting a couple who have stayed together through a lot.  She told me that her husband (with PTSD) described her as cold to his therapist.  His therapist told him that she isn't cold, it is her way of dealing with it and de-escalting.  Since then he had a new perspective on her need to survive as well.  I don't know if that helps, but it stuck with me.  I wonder if I see people as cold when it is just that I want more than most have to give.

I don't know if this fits, but it is what I thought of.