The new end of my dream, I feel stupid

[Dee]

I just wrote my new end for my dream to take in on Thursday.  I feel stupid about it.  In my worse dream I am about 12 years old, I think.  I am dressed in my nightgown and the dream is in the home of about that age.  I wrote the jungle book (my favorite childhood book).  The part of it that I feel like is stupid, is the ending.  In the end Bagheera takes me to a village where I come upon a hut where a woman is motherly.  I basically wrote of feeling safe, warm, loved. by a mother.  Something I never had.  I sort of feel stupid to be an adult woman writing about a mother figure.  Yet, when I wrote it I didn't feel much like my age, I felt like a 12 year old.  I feel weird about that too.  The person I am taking this to usually works with combat vets.  She told me they use things like a magic carpet to fly them home from the shooting.  I am debating about making the ending more self reliant.

[radical]

It's not stupid at all, it's about unmet needs.  Love and nurturing isn't an optional extra or an unnecessary luxury, but a deep human need and nothing to be ashamed of IMHO.

[Three Roses]

Well said radical. I agree that it's a basic human need. After all, what are those on the magic carpets flying home *to*? Love, acceptance, warmth - a soft place to fall. Since you never had that, creating it for yourself this way is brilliant!

[sanmagic7]

i love the ending!  at this point in your life, it sounds like it's exactly what you need.  it's your 'self' at an age that didn't get what was needed, showing you what it looks and feels like.  you already had to be self-resilient at that age - this was giving you what you truly needed at that age, the mothering, caring, protected feeling which promotes safety, and allows us to grow into healthy adults.  i hope you don't change a thing about it - it sounds spot on to me.  just my opinion.

[Dee]

I'm doing it!!!  I am going to go in with it and try very hard to keep my eyes off the floor.  That will be the hard part.  I feel very vulnerable with my story.  Like I am letting my private fantasy out.  Letting someone know how much I wanted the love of a mother feels like a weakness, a secret, something I try to hide.  I try to appear strong, the mask.  It is opening up on a huge level.  I was the kid who was always fine, while dying inside.  Thanks for the validation!

[sanmagic7]

how awful that we end up believing that natural needs for our health and well-being are weaknesses.  to be able to acknowledge this is, in my mind, a valuable strength for you.  it takes a strong spirit to be able to open up and allow such vulnerability.  good for you, dee.  good for you!  i think you can be proud of yourself for allowing yourself to do this rather than ashamed or eyes on the floor.  what a huge step for you.  big YAY!  and a big hug to boot.  always rooting for you.

[Dee]

Thanks so much!  I was so worried this morning.  Feeling a lot like a child and silly; she loved it.  We even had a good discussion of the fantasy mom I had growing up.  Now I get to practice my new ending.  She said my dreams may increase because I'm thinking of it right before I go to sleep.  She said that if that happens to call her.  She would do some guided imagery with me to help me feel safe.  She said she would do it every morning if that is what it takes.  This is not my regular therapist.  She is only for imagery rehearsal therapy, so I thought that was extremely considerate.

[radical]

You deserve every consideration

[Enoch Rubens]

sooo NOT stupid. 

[Wife#2]

Dee, I'm seeing this after the fact, but I'm so glad you received the validation of YOUR ending to YOUR dream!

[caroline]

I've just seen this and am so happy you went with it! It's beautiful and right for you.

I'm guessing it wouldn't work for you if it wasn't truly what you needed/wanted to happen and express now.

So happy for you to have such a great therapist x