Depression *trigger*

[Quietone]

The only way I can really describe what I'm feeling is defeat. Letting these demons take what they want and leave me in pieces. Accepting my fate. Falling into the void once again. Feeling so detached and wanting to be more distant. The longer I distance, the less I'll hurt. the feeling of just not wanting to be here, then thinking of the ones who will be sad and feeling guilt...on top of layers of shame and my inner critic screaming at me from all of this: You need to give up. He deserves better than you. He's lying. You're temporary, just around until better comes along. You're ugly. His friends don't like you. You're annoying.



Some days are good, some are like this. But no matter what day it is, I have to keep a cheerful face on. It's so darn hard. I just want to crumble.

[radical]

I hear you.

At least we don't have to put that cheerful face on around here.  It's kind of comforting to hear that others hide behind that face.  It makes me feel less alone when I go out into the world with my facade and feel alone with what I'm really feeling.

I'm sorry it is so hard for you.  I'm glad you are here.

[sanmagic7]

it sucks!

as my physical being is going downhill, my emotional side is as well.  yeah, some days are better than others, and my smile is easier, but i don't want to tell my hub exactly how i'm feeling so i place that more difficult smile in place more and more often.  he's so worried about me now, and he's got a lot of stuff on his mind as well that is pretty major.  out of love, i don't want to load him up with more of my extra gunk.  but i'm glad this place is here.  it helps a lot.