Allie's Archives: a recovery journal

[DecimalRocket]

Awww Allie, that must be tough.

It's natural for you to be so easily stressed out by other people after your mother's passing. You're not going to fully heal after a few days of this. And this stress is bound to affect multiple areas in your life — including your relationships. Take care, and I hope you can rest.

Here's a  . If that's okay.

[alliematt]

Last night I lost sleep over current events in the news.  And I went off on a good friend about those issues.

I feel if I say, I support victims of sexual abuse and they need to be believed, I run the risk of hearing, "Well, what about false accusations?"  (I can think of people who reported crimes that turned out to be false.  So false accusations happen.)

I feel if I say, We need to gather up the facts and examine them before drawing any conclusions, I run the risk of hearing, "But you don't support victims!" 

I don't know how to protect the dignity and safety of a victim AND the rights of the accused.

And the particular current event I'm referring to does deal with a person who calls themselves a Christian, so that has an impact on me as a Christian.  I no longer trust male leaders in evangelical Christianity or conservative politics.  If they don't abuse people, they support the abusers.

[sanmagic7]

allie, it's a tough row to hoe, for sure.  i get ticked off when i hear about people who make false accusations - they really mess it up for all those whose abuse/trauma was real.  still, i believe there are a lot more people who are speaking the truth about what's happened to them.  unless something feels out of line, i tend to support them unequivocally.

other people are going to have their own opinions about this issue - there's no getting around it.  we're not all going to agree, as you know, but i don't have to explain myself and my beliefs to anyone who doesn't agree with me, or who challenges me.  that just sounds like someone spoiling for a fight, or looking for a way to make you feel foolish, which i don't think is right at all.

i think the best thing is not to engage in these challenges.  i've been there too many times, and always ended up feeling confused and like i couldn't 'win'.  i often drop or change the subject, or even say something about i know what i believe but don't feel like talking about it right now.  i don't like such challenges cuz i think there's always a hidden agenda, and it most often is to make you stumble all over yourself.

just my opinions, allie.  i know you'll do what's best for you.  keep taking care of you.  big hug to you.

[alliematt]

  still, i believe there are a lot more people who are speaking the truth about what's happened to them.  unless something feels out of line, i tend to support them unequivocally.

Oh, I agree with you.  I also think there's a lot more people speaking the truth about abuse that happened to them than there are people speaking falsely.  I would hope that I'd have the reaction along the lines of, "That was wrong, and I'm sorry it happened. " And then, give as much support as possible, hooking them up with necessary help, being with them through legal process if necessary, etc. 

One social media friend is extremely angry about this particular news event, and I think I know why.  She was the victim of a sexual assault and shamed into keeping quiet.  I've never been in that position, so I can't completely relate. 

[alliematt]

Although I am still terribly frustrated about current events, I did do something that was rather empowering today.

I got a notice that a savings account I'd forgotten about had been closed out. I panicked at first because I didn't realize that there was a significant amount of money there. But, I called the bank, who said that the funds were considered unclaimed property, and I needed to get in touch with my state office of unclaimed property. I called them. They're sending the claims forms out in the mail.

After I hung up, I felt so empowered.

[sanmagic7]

yay, you!  way to go, allie!!!

[alliematt]

Still here and still in a decent place.  I'm not please with current events going on in the world, but I'm taking a step back and trying to stay detached.

[Sceal]

  I  am glad to hear you are in a decent place! Detaching from the news and media can  be quite helpful for a while

[Three Roses]

Ditto

[DecimalRocket]

 

[alliematt]

Today I am sleepy.  I have pages to proofread.  I had an energy crash yesterday.  i think my skin is breaking out again.  Physically speaking, I have so many conditions I don't even know where to start.  I feel like the woman in the Bible who spent all she had on doctors and instead, kept getting worse.

[sanmagic7]

i hear ya on that physical stuff, allie.  standing right beside you, sweetie.  big hug.

[Three Roses]

It's amazing what stress can do to us physically. Hoping you get a chance to relax & recharge soon. 

[DecimalRocket]

I can relate. I've gotten physically sick from the stress a few days ago and it wasn't fun. Hope you can get some rest, Allie.

[alliematt]

RANT:

I am still in my bathrobe at the moment.
Yesterday the only thing that saved me was that my son didn't have his church group last night (which I would have had to drive him to.)
Laundry is still in the basket.
Monday night we had a power outage.  I woke up realizing that my CPAP wasn't working.  I set my iPhone for 4:30 to get my husband and son up just in case the power didn't come back on.  They ended up getting themselves up anyway.  I didn't sleep well that night, and the next day, I had a Christmas party with my ladies' church group.  (I did have a good time.)
Then I had over 100 pages to proof and some of them were nightmarish.
And last night our Orkin man showed up unexpectedly after trying to get us on the phone.  We need to have our crawlspace encapsulated, and it's going to cost a pretty penny, which my husband wants to pay all at once, which I don't think we can afford.
I stayed up until nearly 11 p.m. last night proofing.
And I'm still tired this morning.
And I have to keep going.