New here

[emwc]

Hi everyone,

I'm new here.  I was in a year and half relationship with a man that physically, emotional and mentally abused me.  I was only able to convince myself that I could get away after he tried to kill me one night.  I am finally able to admit complex PTSD while I was in the relationship after he kept me awake for 4 days straight and threatened that if I left the house he would basically destroy me if he didn't kill me.  Things progressively got worse after that.  He wouldn't let me talk to anyone or go to the Y to execise, sent messages that I didn't write from my email and phone to drive away the few friends I had left, kept a GPS on my car so he could track my movements and eventually started to physically abuse me.  It felt like I was a prisoner that hadn't done anything wrong.  Any little thing that seems off feels like a threat and I have to remind myself that not everyone is trying to hurt me, belittle me or make me feel bad about myself.  Things have gotten progressively better but there are still bad days.  My husband asked me to try meditation to help rewire my brain since that is supposed to help.  I'm glad to finally understand that what happened is a normal thing caused by a very bad situation.  The thing that bothers me is that the world tends to focus on soldiers with PTSD but there are many of us that simply have it due other traumas out of our control.

Sorry about rambling but it's hard to say this to people I don't know.  I have an extremely hard time with trust after all that has happened.

[Three Roses]

I didn't feel like you were rambling at all. This is what we are here for - to listen to each other, to bear witness to each others' pain and give validation to feelings that have never been listened to but only dismissed.

And may I say, it didn't just feel like you were a prisoner - you really were one! How lost and helpless that makes a person feel! You did nothing wrong, you only let the wrong person close - and they're very crafty about concealing who they are until it's too late.

I'm sorry that this world contains people that hurt us, and that a place like this forum has to exist; still, since we are here, it is good to have you add your voice to ours! Together we can help raise awareness of complex ptsd and bring about change.