Hard time following therapy

[Sparrow]

I am new here and recently diagnosed with CPTSD.

I thought I had done well and got away from my dysfunctional, alcoholic and abusive FOO, and had a realatvely normal adult life. Alot of stress going on now and it has brought the past crashing back to the point of not being able to function, so I was referred to a trauma therapist.

I have had two sessions with my T. We are workng on processing my feelings from some experiences from childhood. I have great difficulty
expressing any feelings from childhood, but have no problem expressing feelings about current life situations. I am Ok when I leave the session, but
Hours later I become a basket case with agitation, shaking, fear and overwhelming anxiety. What I have come to realize with the two sessions I have had, is just how screwed up my childhood really was and the shame I have about it. Just recounting some things about my family and childhood for background information, wiped me out. Hearing myself say these things out loud to someone knocks the wind out of me. My T validates my experiences and tells me good things about me and is compassionate.

I have not told her about the worst experience of abuse and don't know if I can. Since starting therapy, memories and partial memories I have had before but I guess tucked away somewhere, are all resurfacing and and I am scared to death what else might come up.

Is this normal to react this way following therapy? I guess I should speak to my T about this, but what do I say? I am really confused and don't know if I can get through this therapy.

[Three Roses]

Hello and welcome, Sparrow!

Yes unfortunately that all sounds pretty normal. It seems to me that what you're describing are emotional flashbacks, or "EF"'s; http://outofthefog.net/C-PTSD/forum/index.php?topic=2589.0 to read more about those.

Writing things down that you can't bring yourself to say aloud works for some of us. Either give to her in session, or as you're leaving, or if she says it's ok to email her between sessions you can do that too (altho some of us have found this to backfire).

At the risk of giving you too much info, here's some tips for handling flashbacks - http://www.pete-walker.com/13StepsManageFlashbacks.htm

Above all, go at your own pace. Don't rush things. We can be really hard on ourselves so know that this journey is completely individual, and no one's recovery looks like anyone else's.

Welcome to our community.

[Sparrow]

Thank you Three Roses for your reply and links to Pete Walkers site. The information on flashbacks
Is helpful.

Should I anticipate I will have these strong reactions after sessions and that over time I will get them less often? It has been really rough after these last two therapy sessions. I have never felt like this before.

[Three Roses]

Be sure to mention to your therapist your strong reactions, she may have tips on how to deal with them or she may choose to soften or slow her approach.

Yes, if you continue to have EF's, they will decrease over time. You may find it is a "2 steps forward, one step back" kind of thing.

Hang in there!